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I would like the opinions of any women posters, especially those Ladies in ther late 30's or early 40's........ Is it likely for a man in his late 50's to be married to a woman in her late30's or early 40's and have a totally exclusive, honest and romantic relationship? I KNOW that it is possible, so don't waste time telling me that. I want to know if it is likely.

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BenThereDunThat

Why wouldn't it be likely? That's really not that big of an age difference imo.

 

A man in his 50s married to someone in their 20s...now that's a different scenario.

 

Depends on the man and woman, really though.

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My chief concern is that the guy has had health problems and is getting older (he will be 60, this fall). His fiance is maybe 40-ish, and in her prime of life.

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BenThereDunThat

Again, it depends. What do you know about the woman? Are you worried he's going to get taken advantage of? Or that she'll someday wake up and realize she can't deal and walk out and hurt him?

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I don't think it is any more or less likely to be sucessful than any other relationship. It depends of the parties involved. many women enjoy older men, and seek out men who are much older than they are.

 

I think it is a question of how much each is willing to be kind and considerate to the other, and how each responds to the affection. *shrug* I don't see that age is really an issue at all.

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The guy is a VERY good friend. We have known him for over 30 years. He was married for most of that time, then when his kids were grown, his wife decided that she needed to "spread her wings", and divorced him, about 3-3 1/2 years ago. He was destroyed. She was his first and only partner. Now, to everyone's shock, he began to date a woman, from the State Agriculture office, she is 410-ish, very worldly, and drop-dead sexy. I was hoping that it would be something of a rebound thing for him, but now they are engaged. I would like to think well of her and her motives, but I'm uncertain. If she would cheat on him, he would die, or go ape. If she's a straight arrow, then she could be just what he needs to mnake him forget his ex and look to the future.

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BenThereDunThat

Not a whole lot you can do but be a friend and be supportive. Chips are gonna fall where they may. You can't try to 'warn' him. You'll just alienate him.

 

Hopefully, your latter scenario is the correct one.

 

I watched my dad go through something very similar when my mom died. He was the same age, good health though. Only he didn't get married thank goodness. Nothing we could say to him about the woman he hooked up with right away did anything. He just got mad if we tried to bring up that this might not be a good idea. And we were extremely delicate about it. He just shut us down.

 

Thankfully he figured it out on his own. Took him 10 years though.

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Again, it depends. What do you know about the woman? Are you worried he's going to get taken advantage of? Or that she'll someday wake up and realize she can't deal and walk out and hurt him?

 

He can keep her as his girlfriend. No marriage. If she wants marriage, he walks.

This is the internet age, a guy can easily get women much younger even when he is 60.

Keep the options open at all times.

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depends on the strength of their relationship and whether they've got enough stuff in common. There's also the issue of mismatched sex drive – very hard to deal with when that happens, because people don't like addressing the issue!

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I would like the opinions of any women posters, especially those Ladies in ther late 30's or early 40's........ Is it likely for a man in his late 50's to be married to a woman in her late30's or early 40's and have a totally exclusive, honest and romantic relationship? I KNOW that it is possible, so don't waste time telling me that. I want to know if it is likely.

 

As they say, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior -- So, what was she like in her past relationships? Did she screw around? Did she have many partners? Was she dishonest?

 

You cannot go strictly on age... the person's Character and Track Record counts for far more.

 

So, what does your buddy say about her past dating relationships?!

 

Was she ever married? How many times? Why did the M end?

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I know the woman, and her track record is pretty clean. She had a DUI, at the time of her divorce, but there was no mention of any infidelity. I'm mostly worried because my friend has almost 0 experience with women. His ex-wife is the only woman he slept with, so now this younger woman comes along, and he is besotted by her. What will he do if he can't keep up with her sexually? What will she do? He's a great guy, and a very good friend, and has asked my advice. I wouldn't want to steer him wrong.:confused:

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I would like the opinions of any women posters, especially those Ladies in ther late 30's or early 40's........ Is it likely for a man in his late 50's to be married to a woman in her late30's or early 40's and have a totally exclusive, honest and romantic relationship? I KNOW that it is possible, so don't waste time telling me that. I want to know if it is likely.

Likely in any given situation but it appears that this is a specific situation. Go with your gut instinct and advise your friend accordingly. Every situation is different and yes she could be a gold-digger but then again she could be crazy in love. I wish your friend the best of luck. After the last few years he's had I'm sure he needs it.

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Ah BoldJack, there is nothing wrong with your friend having only had two sexual partners in life! Even if she has had more partners than he has had(like my H has had many more than me!) it doesn't make sex any less enjoyable (my H claims it has always been best with me-- and I believe this!).

Her having had more sexual partners doesn't mean she will necessarily be more sexual than him, or be 'better' for having had more partners... just my opinion, based on my personal experience...

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I know the woman, and her track record is pretty clean. She had a DUI, at the time of her divorce, but there was no mention of any infidelity. I'm mostly worried because my friend has almost 0 experience with women. His ex-wife is the only woman he slept with, so now this younger woman comes along, and he is besotted by her. What will he do if he can't keep up with her sexually? What will she do? He's a great guy, and a very good friend, and has asked my advice. I wouldn't want to steer him wrong.:confused:

If they aren't physically compatible sexually then hopefully love will take care of the rest as in any marriage. Love overcomes all things.

 

And even if there was ONE case of infidelity in either of their lives that is not neccessarily going to dictate how they will behave the rest of their lives.:cool:

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What will he do if he can't keep up with her sexually? What will she do?

 

Has he specifically mentioned whether he has a low sex drive?

 

Surely they have some knowledge about how they fit on that? Is she high/moderate/low sex drive?

 

How long have they been together?:confused:

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Athena, Men usually don't talk about their sex drives, with other men, and I'm not about to ask. They have dated for 2-3 mos. but both seem to be ready, to take the next step. Mrs. BJ doesn't like her, but can't say why. She just has a bad feeling about this matchup. I have learned to trust her instinct on matters of the heart. My wife has said that she would speak to her if my friend wants, other wise she is very uncertain.

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Athena, Men usually don't talk about their sex drives, with other men, and I'm not about to ask.
:lmao: Sorry! my mistake... so then what DID your friend ask about your advice, then? :D

 

 

They have dated for 2-3 mos. but both seem to be ready, to take the next step. Mrs. BJ doesn't like her, but can't say why. She just has a bad feeling about this matchup. I have learned to trust her instinct on matters of the heart. My wife has said that she would speak to her if my friend wants, other wise she is very uncertain.

 

Uh uh... Mrs BJ doesn't approve!!! Does not bode well...

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I guess disapprove is a bit strong, but she is very cautious about this woman. I think that there may be a little jealousy involved. She is quite attractive. Most of the women in my wife's circle of "friends". (You know who I'm talking about , AThena) don't approve. He has asked me what I think of her, so what am I going to say? Other than the DUI, the only negative thing I have ever heard, was that she was wild in college. Her husband tried for a couple of years to get back with her, but she wasn't having it. It's perplexing.

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Oh, okay, yes I do know what you are talking about... so then it's not that serious...

 

Perhaps he asked you what you thought of her because he's proud of her!:D

 

Anyway, at only 3 mths in, it's still fairly early to tell! But I guess at his age he KNOWS what he wants when he sees it!

If he's anything like you, he will choose well :):bunny:

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SadandConfusedWA

BJ, keep in mind that most females instinctively dislike other attractive females. So your wife's opinion might be a bit off. Relating this to myself, I have never gotten a job offer if there was at least one dominant female on the interview panel - and I have always gotten jobs with all male panels (even when I wasn't qualified ;)).

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I would like the opinions of any women posters, especially those Ladies in ther late 30's or early 40's........ Is it likely for a man in his late 50's to be married to a woman in her late30's or early 40's and have a totally exclusive, honest and romantic relationship? I KNOW that it is possible, so don't waste time telling me that. I want to know if it is likely.

 

IMO it sounds ideal. I've always preferred men a fair bit older than myself, and the gap you're suggesting sounds about right. I also know that it's certainly realistic for women "in their prime" to commit completely and utterly to one, older man - because I'm living it. There is no reason on earth a man in his late 50s can't have a healthy libido - whether or not he has health problems.

 

As for the women being wary around her - well, d'oh! She's hot. They're threatened. They'd far rather he took up with a fat, dull dog with a nice personality... safe, bland, and no threat at all to them. She's clearly upset the pecking order and they don't like that.

 

Wish your friend well. He deserves it. Sure, things might now work out - many Rs don't - but at least let them enjoy their time together, and hopefully it will be a long and fulfilling time.

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Well OW, my wife doesn't have to take a back seat to any woman as far as looks go, but she(wife) is very class-conscious. I'm thinking that it's going to be OK, because they both seem to be very happy, right now. Time will tell. Thanks to all.

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WalkInThePark
I would like the opinions of any women posters, especially those Ladies in ther late 30's or early 40's........ Is it likely for a man in his late 50's to be married to a woman in her late30's or early 40's and have a totally exclusive, honest and romantic relationship? I KNOW that it is possible, so don't waste time telling me that. I want to know if it is likely.

 

I am 44 and I would NEVER date nor have a relationship with a guy who is that much older than me*. I know guys in their 50's often want their women younger but I don't like guys who at all costs want to be with a younger woman. I always have the feeling that they are looking for an ego boost.

I prefer a man my age, always have and always will. With a man my age I definitely would try to have an exclusive, honest and romantic relationship. Why be with someone if you don't think that is possible?

 

* I might make an exception for a certain Richard Gere. But last time I checked, he was taken. :-)

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WalkInThePark
My chief concern is that the guy has had health problems and is getting older (he will be 60, this fall). His fiance is maybe 40-ish, and in her prime of life.

 

Well, that is exactly why I don't want to date guys who are older. I want someone who is more or less in the same phase of his life. With a big age gap it is very likely that at a certain time in your life, you can't enjoy the same things anymore. If one is 42 and the other one 60, you can travel, sport, go to restaurants together. But if one is 65 and the other 83, there is a good chance that the older partner is not fit enough to still do a lot of things outside.

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Well, that is exactly why I don't want to date guys who are older. I want someone who is more or less in the same phase of his life. With a big age gap it is very likely that at a certain time in your life, you can't enjoy the same things anymore. If one is 42 and the other one 60, you can travel, sport, go to restaurants together. But if one is 65 and the other 83, there is a good chance that the older partner is not fit enough to still do a lot of things outside.

 

There's a full 25 years difference between my father and his W. It works perfectly - they do everything together as their interests are in tune. Your scenario would only present a problem if the 65 year old was into bungee jumping or extreme skiing, and the 83 year old had arthritis or osteoporosis or such. In most cases, couples slip into a happy routine of doing things they BOTH enjoy and are BOTH capable of doing, and I've seen few (if any) 83 year olds that are not up to restaurants, travel or movies. I do know a couple of 83 year olds that are still active in sport, but then I know very few 65 year olds that are into sport, and even fewer 40 year olds. Most adults I know leave that kind of stuff behind at university, and keep fit between the sheets! :D

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