1sexypapa Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 I'm sure there are a lot of people with their own problems on here, and I have never been one to visit and use forums. I'm just not sure what to do or how much more I can take. If someone out there has some fresh insight from an outside perspective, please share with me. My wife and I have been married for over 3 years and together for about 4 and a half. We are both on our second marriage, have children from our first, and two children together. Now, the problem I'm experiencing is two-pronged. First, I am frustrated at a lack of intimacy in our relationship, both in the bedroom and otherwise. Second, even though she is a SAH-mom, nothing ever seems to get done with the exception of her social networking on facebook. It started out with our sex life slowing down to a once every other week kind of thing, and has progressed to once every several weeks, sometimes as long as 7-9 weeks. The kissing has gone from purposeful to a quick careless peck that seems to planted in the general vicinity of the mouth, but rarely, aimed or passionate. I've tried everything from communicating to pretending not to notice, yet neither approach has had any degree of success. When we talk about it, I'm told that she knows there is a problem, doesn't want to lose what we have, and will work on it. This is always followed by a quick subject change, or her rolling over and going to sleep, as if to suggest that the main point was to appease me. The second part of the problem, is that rather than clean house or learn to cook, she seems to spend every waking moment socializing online on facebook, talking on the phone, or both at the same time, sometimes into the wee hours of the morning. Then, she seems to have no energy or ambition to do anything else. The children run rampant through the house leaving a path of destruction for me to try and clean up when I get home from work. When meals are cooked at home, it is when I cook them. Occasionally, she will do a load of laundry and start the dishwasher, and then get on facebook and tell her family and friends that she has been cleaning all day and is exhausted. Then when they drop in for a surprise visit, they look at me in disgust and ask when I ever intend to help get the house in shape. Finally, I understand that my spouse has physical problems, but am concerned that some of them are not as genuine a reason as she would have me believe, because of the times that my mother has called and offered to take her out shopping and she has jumped at the opportunity, after having stated only moments before that she was to sick to do anything today. Maybe, I'm being selfish and too harsh, but it seems like that's not the case when people who know you well, come to you and tell you they know what you are going through, see the effects on you that others miss, and have no answers that will help. Maybe, I'm the one with the problem. Or maybe, there are no solutions or answers. But perhaps, the only healing is through venting on some forum. Anyway, I'm going to continue to smile as if nothing is wrong, laugh with my friends to brighten their day, and be there for the ones who need me most. Thanx for reading, Michael Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Be honest and tell her how all this is making you feel and encourage her in a positive way that maybe it's time you two do some counselling to make the marriage better. My concern is, the facebook/being on the phone alot, and into the late hours of the night. Do you know who she's talking to? Not saying she's cheating on you, but it could be a possibility. What kind of health issues does she have? Do you mind me asking? Is it depression, or anxiety? If so, she needs help with that, otherwise its' going to get worse.. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 What physical problems does your wife have, if I may ask? Otherwise, it sounds like she might be addicted to these social networking sites. I think this is an all too commen problem for many people these days. Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 I'm just wondering how long you have been married, how old you both are and if these things were always a problem or just started recently? Link to post Share on other sites
Amy35 Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 My wife and I have been married for over 3 years and together for about 4 and a half. We are both on our second marriage, have children from our first, and two children together. Now, the problem I'm experiencing is two-pronged. First, I am frustrated at a lack of intimacy in our relationship, both in the bedroom and otherwise. Second, even though she is a SAH-mom, nothing ever seems to get done with the exception of her social networking on facebook. When a woman feels loved...she makes love....and a bloke feels loved when he has sex. In order for you to get some....you are gonna have to put out in other ways first.... As in....it only takes one to get the ball rolling... Is there any way you can help out with housework/chores? What made your wife smile/happy/feel loved when you first started dating? I'm wondering if after being in a relationship with you for 4 or so years and having 2 kids...I would guess the youngest two are babies? How old are the other children? That would pretty much dampen anyone's sex drive to be honest....I had two kids pretty close together and it took me years to recover....physically and mentally.... Suggestions....could MIL have children overnight or for a weekend...how about take your wife out for a meal at least and get her away from the PC? Have you thought about you helping more with the children...cleaning etc? I'm wondering if you actually listen to her....is she telling you what is wrong...whether she is unhappy? How about sitting her down one day...without distractions and the BOTH of you start talking....and LISTENING to each other....and for gawds sake validate her....don't just say well you don't clean enough or give me enough sex....really listen to her!!! Failing all that....remove the motherboard from inside the pc....it won't work for no-one after that.... and she will get Facebook withdrawal symptoms and possible clean the house.... Amy.x Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1sexypapa Posted August 5, 2009 Author Share Posted August 5, 2009 When a woman feels loved...she makes love....and a bloke feels loved when he has sex. In order for you to get some....you are gonna have to put out in other ways first.... As in....it only takes one to get the ball rolling... Is there any way you can help out with housework/chores? What made your wife smile/happy/feel loved when you first started dating? I'm wondering if after being in a relationship with you for 4 or so years and having 2 kids...I would guess the youngest two are babies? How old are the other children? That would pretty much dampen anyone's sex drive to be honest....I had two kids pretty close together and it took me years to recover....physically and mentally.... Suggestions....could MIL have children overnight or for a weekend...how about take your wife out for a meal at least and get her away from the PC? Have you thought about you helping more with the children...cleaning etc? I'm wondering if you actually listen to her....is she telling you what is wrong...whether she is unhappy? How about sitting her down one day...without distractions and the BOTH of you start talking....and LISTENING to each other....and for gawds sake validate her....don't just say well you don't clean enough or give me enough sex....really listen to her!!! Failing all that....remove the motherboard from inside the pc....it won't work for no-one after that.... and she will get Facebook withdrawal symptoms and possible clean the house.... Amy.x Thanks for all of the helpful comments. I do make a serious effort to do all of the things that you mentioned in your post. However, we had a recent conversation about the things that are bothering us that was very helpful. It wasn't the first time we had this conversation, but it was possibly the first time I was able to communicate the seriousness of the situation. Things haven't changed completely, and I know that nothing important is accomplished overnight. We have made a step in the right direction, though. We will have to see where things go from here. I do appreciate all the helpful suggestions, Amy, but it does leave the question as to whether you believe any of us guys do these things. I do, actually, cook most of the meals, do some laundry, dishes and general household chores, and I am very involved with our children, as I have sole custody of my two from my previous marriage. Anyway, I don't mean to offend you or take the wrong idea from your post, and I am grateful for the helpfulness you offered through the sharing of your thoughts and opinions. Michael Link to post Share on other sites
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