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How do you become attracted to your husband again


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ladydesigner

Well ever since having kids and going through some other rough points in our marriage I have lost all attraction towards my husband. I really am trying everything and anything to get it back.

 

Has anyone here ever experienced this and if so did you ever get it back? It is very frustrating. I have not been attracted to my husband in 5 years, we have been together for 13 years. I just want to have passion again for him.

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Marriages go thru lots of changes thruout the years. I'm no expert - all I can say is how it works in my own 29 year marriage.....

 

What has happened to you happened to me about year 7...10....20...26 -

 

You do get it back. It's not that there is a recipe to get it back. Try some different things.

Just try to look at him the way you did when you were dating. That's what works for me. When you see him the way you did while you were dating, all those feelings come back.

If you're not already - DATE each other! Get a sitter - Go out! Have a nice dinner & a bottle of wine. Go on a weekend trip, just the two of you. Tuck a note in his pocket - stick a post-it on his steering wheel.

Bringing back the romance, will help to bring back the attractiveness in him you once saw.

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VERY good post, Stuck. Yes, try all the little things that bring both you and him together. Like all married couples, we've had our ups and downs, desire -wise, and what works for us sometimes won't work for others. The thing that usually does it for us is to reclaim each other, by doing the things that have made us happy in the past.

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and take off the goggles that make you think he's boring, awful, ugly, etc ... that goes a long way in helping you see him anew. You might have to do it constantly at first, but once you realize that those feelings are kind of a freeze-frame of negativity, it gets easier.

 

my husband can drive me nuts and I'm plotting mutiny ... when he does some little thing that makes me fall completely and irretrievably in love all over again.

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ladydesigner

Quankanne your reply rings so true. I believe I have worn these negative goggles too tightly. My husband has done some things that are pretty despicable Sp? and well I probably either need counseling to sort through my negativity or let it go and start fresh. As you said take off the negative goggles.

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Pray. Ask God to help you truely forgive him and let the bad things go. Began to allow yourself to see his positive points and ways. Something made you fall in love with him all those years ago. Look for it

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Darth Vader
Well ever since having kids and going through some other rough points in our marriage I have lost all attraction towards my husband. I really am trying everything and anything to get it back.

 

Has anyone here ever experienced this and if so did you ever get it back? It is very frustrating. I have not been attracted to my husband in 5 years, we have been together for 13 years. I just want to have passion again for him.

 

 

You can't get that back, because you never told your husband of your affair. You keeping the affair secret from him is getting in the way of your marriage, it's putting a wedge of sorts between you both. At the same time you're humiliating and disrespecting him, how's that attractive? I know about his affair from what you wrote, you know of it, doesn't he have the same right to know about yours? You can't have the passion, because you're continuing to lie and betray him. Even if you got that passion back, realize that it wouldn't be real, because you're not being real with him! It'd all be fake!:eek:

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ladydesigner

Darth Vader you are right in your words, but I lost attraction for my husband long before his affair and mine. I don't ever plan on telling my husband as I do not see how that is going to help this situation as much as I know some of the people on LS think I should. I feel sometimes it is better to leave things unsaid.

 

I have glimpses of passion but not anything like I would like it to be. Our marriage may very well be over, but I still have faith that things can improve...that we can make it.

 

Thank you all for your words of wisdom.

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