KaceyKitty Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 My boyfriend of 2 years has made reservations for his daughter (5yr. old) and himself to go to the beach for a few days in 2 weeks. He never asked if I'd like to go with them and I'm wondering if anyone thinks this is odd. I do have to add that his daughter and I have been very close for a long time now, but for some reason she's been 'mad' at me for the last 2 weeks and hasn't wanted me to come to her dad's as much when she's there. Also, he's never taken me away anywhere for longer than a day, but money has been tight due to legal fees because of his custody battle. Any input? Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 I would put this down to simple miscommunication. From your side, it seems obvious that he should have at least mentioned this to you before he went ahead and made his plans, from his, it probably seems obvious that he needs some quality daddy-daughter time. You can never take quality kid time personally; if you are going to, and start making comparisons or get competitive, then you are probably not cut out to seriously date a man with children. These issues will keep cropping up, and it will only get harder if you become a real stepmother. It sounds like his very young daughter is having a tough time. She's apparently embroiled in a custody battle, which is spilling over into her consciousness. It's pretty natural that, while she might like you fine as a person, this is making her resent your being daddy's girlfriend. For her father to want to take her away and spend some special time with her is perfectly reasonable. He probably feels guilty and wants to reassure her that she is of paramount importance to him. That being said, you are perfectly within your rights, as I see it, to tell him that it bothered you that he didn't even take you into consideration. You sound like you're in a fairly serious relationship and part of his kid's life; at the very least he should be more open with you, talk to you about how things are going with his custody struggles and with his daughter, why he feels she is acting out or needs more one-on-one time, rather than leave you guessing as to his motivations. And the two of you should plan to take your own weekend away, sometime soon. If he can't afford it because of the court costs and his obligations to his daughter, can't you chip in? Link to post Share on other sites
Author KaceyKitty Posted June 19, 2009 Author Share Posted June 19, 2009 Thank you for your thoughtful and intelligent reply, and I agree with your statements. I think he may have been afraid to ask me to go along because of his daughter not wanting me around right now. I wish I understood why she is feeling this way. My boyfriend is afraid that maybe her mom said something to her...she's a bit immature. Anyway, about him spending quality time with her, they're alone most of the days that he has her during the week, and I understand how important that is for them. She use to want me there all the time. It is difficult to see what she goes through, being passed back and forth between her mom and dad. I can relate to some of her feelings, as my mom and dad divorced when I was around that age. Guess I'm just wondering when I may feel more like part of the family. Oh, and I'd be more than willing to share expenses if we ever went away together, and I'm sure he knows this because we already do that with other things. I think that he just likes to get stuff done around the house and relax on his weekends 'off'. Link to post Share on other sites
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