mary1234 Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 I have a musician husband for 6 years. I have supported our living fee for few years already. We don't talk much. I even pay for his music studio. He just looks for long-term plannings, but he doesn't make money almost. He wakes up almost at noon everyday, and goes to his studio, and then come back to eat dinner, then goes back to his studio, then come back at midnight, then watch TV 2 to 4 hours. I feel I am a widow. We don't go to anywhere except his aunt's house. We are broke. He has no friends except his band players. I never hang out with those people except a couple of times in all those years. We have a lame sex once a month. No foreplay almost. I told him plenty of times to have some foreplay first, but he doesn't know how or he doesn't will to do it. We hardly have any french kiss. Anyway, the sex is never good. We have no children, because he doesn't want. We have a car, but I hardly sit in there. He rarely drives anywhere. We live in New York. We never go to Central Park or Broadway. The only place we go is to drive 8 hours to his grandma's house evey summer. In those 8 hours, he doesn't talk! Just listen the radio. Even he is a guitarist, he never ever play guitar to me once. I complained about it so many times, but he just has never done it. I feel so pissed off. Sometimes, I really want to get out from this marriage. In this relationship, I have nothing to looking forward to. I am just too conservative to do it though. This marriage is like a grave to me. He doesn't want to get a divorce. He said he loved me. I just don't feel that he loves me enough as a husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 I really felt so much heaviness in reading your post. Your post bought me back to living with my Mothers unhappiness. Her Husband was emotionally dead, whilst she was a vibrant woman. She was the one who died in the end. I am now really protective over my freedom because of this experience and so even though I am happily married I often still take time to weigh up the benefits of being married vs being free and single! From what you have said, I dont know if you could leave your Husband. Do you have a religious belief which looks badly at divorce or something? Is this what you mean by being conservative? What bothers me most is that it would be you who would be making all the effort to save this marraige! I think that your Husband does not make any effort because he does not have to impress you. I think that one of the great things about being in love is that you do stuff for each other.. and enjoy the impression you make on that person. When I read your post I felt sad - it was like you are a piece of furniture to your Husband. Essentially, something which he needs in the house. Although, I cannot advise you to leave your Husband I would however ask that you do some serious work on your self esteem and please, please, please do not have any children until you know what you want to do. One part of building your self esteem to me means making sure that you have a close network of family, friends and professionals that you can call on for support. Sharing things really does help. Maybe I am wrong, maybe there is more hope for your marraige? I just felt so much sadness in your words! Its like you are in prison.. Regards,Eve xx Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 Your life sounds horrible. You don't really have a husband if he never talks to you, kisses you, makes love with you passionately, does fun things with you, etc. You just have a person that you're supporting, while you're craving everything that should be given in a marriage. On another note, what's the point of living in NYC if you're broke and never go anywhere? NYC has so much fun to offer, but if you're just watching other people have fun, you're not really "living" in NYC. You're just serving jail time in NYC. I say: get rid of the lazy bum and you'll have more money, more fun, and definitely more LOVE, because you'll open up your heart to someone who can truly love you and treat you like a woman. He's no man - he's just a shapeless, boneless slug and a parasite. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 I wonder if he's depressed or on drugs..... If he's always been a musician, there's a good possibility... Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 Let's see... He doesn't provide company. He doesn't provide attention. He doesn't provide entertainment. He doesn't provide affection. He doesn't provide. Before you kick his butt out of the house for emotional abandonment - sit him down, look him in the eye and ask him: "What possible reason could I have to think that you still love me?" To quote Jerry Maguire: Show me the money/evidence... Link to post Share on other sites
Posco_Proudfoot Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 Let's see... He doesn't provide company. He doesn't provide attention. He doesn't provide entertainment. He doesn't provide affection. He doesn't provide. Before you kick his butt out of the house for emotional abandonment - sit him down, look him in the eye and ask him: "What possible reason could I have to think that you still love me?" To quote Jerry Maguire: Show me the money/evidence... x2 maybe write down why you want to be married to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Cryha Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 I would try to get him to talk to you and explain how you are feeling and what you need. If he doesn't listen and change to accommodate your needs then your best bet is to kick him out, at least long enough to try and make him see the error of his way's but if he doesn't than permanently. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 Was he like this before you got married? Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 maybe write down why you want to be married to him.She just did. Ever heard of such a thing as "no reason"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mary1234 Posted December 23, 2008 Author Share Posted December 23, 2008 He was my ex-boss. He had another kind of company. I was his staff. At the time I worked for him, both of us had boyfriend and girlfriend by our owns. He had been taking care of his stroke mother for 10 years. After a year, both of us broke up for our own reasons. My work permit was almost expired at the time, and I was ready to go back to my own country. He asked me not to leave and to marry him. At the time, I was not young (at least I feel). I thought he was a nice guy, so he took care of his mom like that. I felt a little pity on him about his mom even from the very beginning. Besides, he was quite gentle and soft-spoken. He was smart and good looking. I am not saying that I was very smart, but in reality it was difficult to find some people were smarter than me and also loved me in my social circle, which was pretty small though. I was all by myself in US. My "best friend" was quite disappointed at the time. One of family members in my country was mad at me for some reason. Plus, I got child-molested from my relative. Every family gathering, when I saw his happy family, I feel I am a loser. I had no husband at the time. I was so scared to men, and too scared to date. So, that's why I came US to try to have a new life. At least, nobody in my family knows I am a loser or not in US. Most importantly, both of us felt so lonely at the time. Actually, we didn't date much, then we got married already. Reply another question ... I said I am conserative, so I don't want to get a divorce. I meant I am a Christian. He hasn't cheated on me yet, so I don't feel right to get a divorce. But I did leave him a couple of times because of finance and our bad relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 You sound less like his wife and more like his Legal Guardian. If you love him or feel bound by your beliefs, tell him things need to change and give him some time to do so. You'll then have a chance to make your plans accordingly... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
TeagueNative Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 If you have no kids, what are you waiting on? Cut your losses and move on. Otherwise, you will be old someday and be mad at yourself. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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