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He LAUGHS during sex...Guys, input greatly appreciated!


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Old 1st August 2008, 6:05 PM   #1
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Angry He LAUGHS during sex...Guys, input greatly appreciated!

I finally asked my husband why he sometimes busts out into laughter during sex. In a round-a-bout way he finally said it's because I make these faces like I'm "so into it".

Now when this first started happening, I thought about every possible reason - facial expressions being one of them. That was months ago. I never had the guts to ask the reasons for spontaneous "ha-ha-has", although I thought it was really weird. Here you are, in your moment of greatest intimacy, most vulnerable and literally most exposed and the person you are sharing this moment with starts to crack up. Can we say HUMILIATING?

So for several months I've done everything to make sure I at least look good during sex, including no weird faces! Then last night, as my eyes are peacefully closed (not straining or anything!), he starts laughing. WTF? It was then that I finally had the guts to ask.

This is kind of the last straw for me in terms of communication with him. I've felt for quite some time that we have nothing in common. I enjoy stimulating conversations about anything from history to current events to whatever. He does not.

We rarely ever argue because he has a horrible temper and has been verbally abusive in the past. So I avoid confrontations - meaning I never nag! In the past, if I ever did bring up something that may have bothered me such as our lack of communication, he'd get upset, tell me it's my problem, or just straight out laugh at me. He'd laugh at me if I were crying.

We had tons of sex all day everyday in the beginning of our relationship (without laughing). I enjoy sex and must admit I'm sad that we don't get much of it anymore. Although we both work hard, he just doesn't seem that into it as much as I do. So, when the rare occasion comes along, it means a lot to me.

My husband never laughs when it's a quick bang up against a wall or a blow job. I think he'd be happiest in a relationship that just offered blow jobs on demand and nothing more, since anything else would be too intimate for his comfort level.

I'd like to know if he had an intimacy problem - but I think he'd just laugh at me if I asked. The bulk of our communication consists of him saying, "Can you do this? Can you go pick up that? What's for dinner? I need to have this done, etc. etc." I'm really beginning to hate him.
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Old 1st August 2008, 6:13 PM   #2
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Him laughing at you during sex is wrong. It means he isn't as into it as you are, in the sense of letting go and not focussing on you and the actual act.

Could you two do marriage counselling? IF he says no, lay it out on the line for him and tell him how you feel and how the resentment is building up inside of you. If this doesn't get fixed (how he treats you and the distance between you two on a daily basis) your marriage will fall apart as time goes along..
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Old 1st August 2008, 6:17 PM   #3
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My ex was like that regarding the bad temper

I would then keep my mouth shut and keep all of my emotions inside and it was HORRIBLE!!!!!

My happiness was purely based on how happy he was on that particular day. I would dread him having a bad day as I would have to listen quietly or else he would take whatever I said the wrong way and start screaming.

::Shudder:: I still recoil at how long I spent with that pratt!

Anyway, the laughing during sex thing........ well I do not know what to say really, that would really upset me. A smile would be quite cute but blatant laughing is just not on. I just dont know how you can stop this happening.

WHy do you hate him? It is more than the laughing
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Old 1st August 2008, 6:38 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by whichwayisup View Post
Him laughing at you during sex is wrong. It means he isn't as into it as you are, in the sense of letting go and not focussing on you and the actual act.
That's exactly what I've been thinking but I've tired to brush it off and not be too sensitive.

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Could you two do marriage counselling? IF he says no, lay it out on the line for him and tell him how you feel and how the resentment is building up inside of you. If this doesn't get fixed (how he treats you and the distance between you two on a daily basis) your marriage will fall apart as time goes along..
We've tried two different marriage counselors. It was always fine while I was the one being critiqued. But as soon as the spotlight shone on anything he might be able to improve, out came his temper. He's always been convinced that I'm the only one who has any problems with our relationship. I agree, our marriage is falling apart at warp speed here.
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Old 1st August 2008, 6:43 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by Lishy View Post
My ex was like that regarding the bad temper

I would then keep my mouth shut and keep all of my emotions inside and it was HORRIBLE!!!!!

My happiness was purely based on how happy he was on that particular day. I would dread him having a bad day as I would have to listen quietly or else he would take whatever I said the wrong way and start screaming.

::Shudder:: I still recoil at how long I spent with that pratt!
I seem to have married your ex

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Anyway, the laughing during sex thing........ well I do not know what to say really, that would really upset me. A smile would be quite cute but blatant laughing is just not on. I just dont know how you can stop this happening.
Yep, this is really one of the strangest things I've experienced.

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WHy do you hate him? It is more than the laughing
Yes, it's more than the laughing. If I felt we were both mature adults who could handle a meaningful conversation without naming calling, mimicking or laughing and pointing fingers, than possibly I could feel comfortable enough to discuss my feelings about this issue.

I really feel as though I married a 13 year old boy.
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Old 1st August 2008, 6:55 PM   #6
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He is burning you out. You feel led and said by him and it is causing you to feel the rope tightening around your neck and your disdain for him must be bubbling to the surface and quick!

I so feel for you, I have been there and no words describe the feeling. It is very hard to leave because of the fear but let me tell you it it so much easier than you think if that is the route you end up taking.

I would wish you could sort this out

My ex turned out to have a personality disorder and I was not shocked!!!!!
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Old 1st August 2008, 7:01 PM   #7
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He is burning you out. You feel led and said by him and it is causing you to feel the rope tightening around your neck and your disdain for him must be bubbling to the surface and quick!
You've summed it up exactly!

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I so feel for you, I have been there and no words describe the feeling. It is very hard to leave because of the fear but let me tell you it it so much easier than you think if that is the route you end up taking.
I hope you're right. I really hope it is much easier than I think because right now it seems like a huge uphill battle.


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My ex turned out to have a personality disorder and I was not shocked!!!!!
Wow, how did you find that out? I often wonder about my H since he grew up without a mother (died when he was 1). I know he has some huge anger issues for various reasons, but he will not admit it.
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Old 1st August 2008, 7:03 PM   #8
 
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You could try laughing back (and don't say why)
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Old 1st August 2008, 7:10 PM   #9
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Well personality disorders come from (in most cases) abandonment issues in childhood i.e a parent dying or leaving them at a young age. You are not born with BPD.

I found out after I left him and he went crazy and he tried to kill himself and started cutting himself - They sectioned him and done an assesment on him so that is how he knew.

I am not saying that it what your hubby has and I am sure he will not be like my ex, he was an extreme case. He would call me the vilest names and be so disgusting. I would be too scared to sleep after we argued incase he came down to bed and killed me. He was really scary when he lost the plot, hence me walking on eggshells all the time. He never once hit me so I would be perplexed as to why I was so scared.

One word of advice I do have for you though, no matter how scared you feel it is so much better to be away from it and I left with his child! Best thing I ever done

I do feel that you should try every option before you think about leaving though as there could be a chance you could save your marriage.
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Old 1st August 2008, 7:12 PM   #10
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You could try laughing back (and don't say why)
Haha, I should laugh the moment he drops his pants. J/k

Actually, in frustration, I have resorted to his level in some circumstances (though not while in bed). It only makes him react in a more childish manner. An argument like that ends up sounding like something you'd hear on a playground. Seriously not good!
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Old 1st August 2008, 7:20 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Lishy View Post
Well personality disorders come from (in most cases) abandonment issues in childhood i.e a parent dying or leaving them at a young age. You are not born with BPD.

I found out after I left him and he went crazy and he tried to kill himself and started cutting himself - They sectioned him and done an assesment on him so that is how he knew.

I am not saying that it what your hubby has and I am sure he will not be like my ex, he was an extreme case. He would call me the vilest names and be so disgusting. I would be too scared to sleep after we argued incase he came down to bed and killed me. He was really scary when he lost the plot, hence me walking on eggshells all the time. He never once hit me so I would be perplexed as to why I was so scared.

One word of advice I do have for you though, no matter how scared you feel it is so much better to be away from it and I left with his child! Best thing I ever done

I do feel that you should try every option before you think about leaving though as there could be a chance you could save your marriage.
Thanks for your advice Lishy, it is greatly appreciated.

My H was seriously verbally abusive in the beginning. No name or word was off limits with him. I've never felt so horrible in my life.

Both counselors did not work.

He had not been verbally abusive for at least a year and I was damn sure not to provoke him (I know walking on eggshells). I finally had it one day and got into an argument with him. He did hit me. He exploded at me in front of our 1yr old.

I called the police, he went to jail and was ordered to IC. After about 5 sessions in IC, he felt we was fine and asked to be done with IC. The counselor agreed and let him go!

Since I try not to upset him, everything seems ok in our M. I'm the only one who silently goes through this feeling of being scared and alone. I'm in IC myself, but she seems to serve as nothing more than a shoulder to cry on.

This whole laughing thing just makes it more clear to me that I don't know who the heck this guy is and don't want to be in this relationship anymore.

I too look forward to getting out!
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Old 1st August 2008, 7:27 PM   #12
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It took me a year to leave him.

I would lay in bed mentally packing all of my stuff. I even put all important document (passprts, birth certs, photos) in a bag and hid it in the back of my wardrobe incase I had to leave quick.

When I could see he was in a bad move I would secretly pack a bag with my sons essentials in it in case I had to grab him and run.

He was truly scary and when I left I could breathe again. I still suffered his abuse (massive long story) after I left but I could put the phone down and not have to sleep with the pig!

If you do decide to leave you need to think it all over so you have a place to go and you feel safe.
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Old 1st August 2008, 7:32 PM   #13
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It took me a year to leave him.

I would lay in bed mentally packing all of my stuff. I even put all important document (passprts, birth certs, photos) in a bag and hid it in the back of my wardrobe incase I had to leave quick.

When I could see he was in a bad move I would secretly pack a bag with my sons essentials in it in case I had to grab him and run.

He was truly scary and when I left I could breathe again. I still suffered his abuse (massive long story) after I left but I could put the phone down and not have to sleep with the pig!

If you do decide to leave you need to think it all over so you have a place to go and you feel safe.
Geeze, what a nightmare!

I do the same mental bag-packing too! I've been thinking this over for a long time. I've finally packed a real bag, but say it's for emergencies like a hurricane survival kit or something.
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Old 1st August 2008, 7:34 PM   #14
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Lol what?! He laughs at you during sex and laughs at you when you cry?! The man sounds horrible. I'd divorce him if I were you! Whats the point of MC when the man is that cold!

But just an aside about the laughing during sex thing...there have been times when I've hit the big O then spontaneously burst out laughing - thats happened quite a lot actually! I have no idea why - to be fair it does seem quite inappropriate!! - and the man in question can be a little perplexed - I think maybe its just because I just feel so great?! Lol!! I dont think thats why he does it tho
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Old 1st August 2008, 7:35 PM   #15
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Actually it comes out more like giggling, rather than laughing out loud, which I guess is cuter...the latter would probably make me look mad
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