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My ex makes me feel sooo guilty sometimes


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JaneInVegas

I'll try to keep this as brief as possible!

 

My ex and I separated for good about 3 years ago. My daughter chose to live with him (which was painful & hard for me to accept) and after an emotional struggle I finally bit the bullet and moved out without her. I didn't want her around the screaming & yelling every day, I knew in my heart her emotional health was far more important than who she chose to live with.

 

Her dad works nights, and I got her every single weekend. This worked out okay for awhile, but puberty & hormones started kicking in, and her living by herself at night just wasn't working out anymore. Her dad tried (supposedly) to find a daytime job for a long time, but never did. My job was in the evenings as well. After my daughter got busted for having sex with her boyfriend in her bedroom (at the age of 14) her dad and I decided it was time to wave the white flag, reconcile to "roommates" and join forces in trying to tame our wayward daughter. I don't have a bedroom of my own, I sleep on the couch. This isn't the best case scenario, but it's all about our daughter at this point.

 

So during my time away from our home, I purchased my own car, my very first brand new one ever! It was purchased 100% on my own, no help whatsoever from my ex. My ex has a motorcycle and a Mustang. He got a DUI and was busted for no insurance, so is now required to maintain an SR22. He let that lapse, just because that's the kind of guy he is. (I left him for a reason.)

 

During the really cold months I let him use my car to get to work and back because I felt sorry for him. If he gets pulled over in his Mustang, he goes immediately to jail. I took a chance in driving it back & forth to work, hoping and praying I would get a sympathetic cop who would believe my lame-o story that I had taken my ex's car without his knowledge, and didn't know the tags were suspended. Would I have gone to jail? I don't know. Obviously I never felt comfortable driving his Mustang. Mr. Irresponsible was driving comfortably to work every day in my 100% legal car while I was sweating bullets.

 

So he's been telling me since November that when he got his tax refund check he'd get his fines and stuff taken care of so he could start driving his car again. That check came and went in less than a week - no surprise - his car is still illegal.

 

(1) The only 'rules' I've ever set was that in not smoke in my car (it's now an ashtray on tires), but most importantly not drink & drive. He's been WASTED in that car 3 separate times, and I told him never again! (2) He was to maintain the insurance on my car while he drove it, he allowed it to lapse without telling me about it. At least two of those times he was smashed was AFTER he allowed the insurance to lapse. (3) Because I was in between jobs for almost three months (had to quit my previous job to be at home with our daughter, that was the whole point in my moving in in the first place) my car got repossessed. My first paycheck almost entirely went to getting my car back again, and he totally freaked out, telling me how stupid I was because I'd never get my car back again & they were just sucking money out of me. He threatened to kick me out because I didn't turn over my entire paycheck to him for being unemployed since November. (4) He tells me I am a total bitch for not allowing him to drive my car anymore. It's still chilly at night here in the desert, but a motorcycle is doable. He drives his Mustang out of spite, I'm sure it's so he can say 'I told you so' if he gets caught and thrown into jail.

 

Am I being totally selfish for not letting him drive my car anymore? There's no way I can get insurance back on it again until my next payday (almost 2 weeks from now) and I'm scared he's going to drive it **** faced again. I can't afford to lose my car! Should I cave and feel sorry for his irresponsible ass, or stand my ground and protect my car? He had plenty of money for pot, gambling, alcohol, and renting DVD's, not a penny of his tax refund check ($2,000) went towards his Mustang. :mad:

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