Lonely Husband Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 Hi everyone, this is very new to me and i wish someone out there can help me. Please let me explain my situation. I'm married and have been married to a good woman for 28 years now and we were dating for 5 years before we got married. We have four wonderful children of who's feelings i never want to hurt. We got married as acouple of dumb kids that got married because thats the thing to do, get a house and have kids. However i have never really been in love with her. i love her but not been in love with her. I have always wished for someone i could talk to. I'm 48 years old and i want to give my heart to someone. I'm a professional tradesman who has never been out of work in fact at one time ive had 3 jobs at one giv'in time to take care of my family. I've always cared for others feelings before my own. My feelings were irrelivant they were something that i just did'nt consider. Well my doctor put me on an antidepressant and it makes ya think about yourself alittle bit. I'm sorry if i go back and forth with my story but i've never had told anyone who i am, and i really wish to have a dialog with someone that lives in my area so we can someday meet. I wish this woman could have the common type of story. Married but don't want to hurt her kids. Wanting to be able to say anything and not be judged, lonely to express her feelings and wanting to be in love. Thats what i want. Now i know you folks may be thinking this guy wants his cake and eat it to. Well i guess you may be right. But i just want to be with some one i'm in love with but i can't hurt my kids. I would think there is a woman out there with the same thing. I hope to fall in love over the internet emailing with this person giving and taking who we are. I can't believe i'm even doing this but i need someone to talk to. I've been hiding for 30 years and need a real friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 Your post looks like a poem .. all centre justified.. After so many years, your children must be adults ... no? If they are I don't see why you can't leave your M? If you say you want your cake and eat it too.. then why would you say that you put other's feelings before your own... tst.. tst.. tst... methink you put yours first.. I don't think this forum is a dating site.. but good luck anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonely Husband Posted February 16, 2008 Author Share Posted February 16, 2008 my feelings came out when i went on these pills Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 You need to tell your wife that you DO love her but aren't inlove with her and after 28 years you need to find happiness for yourself. Please consider some counselling too, to help you cope. Cheating on your wife isn't going to help you, it will make your life worse, especially if you get caught. Also, what if your wife isn't inlove with you either? Maybe she wants someone who will love and adore her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonely Husband Posted February 17, 2008 Author Share Posted February 17, 2008 I do tell her i love her and i do mean it. This is the only way for me to find happiness. If i tell her i'm not in love with her it will break her heart. She is very dramatic and everyone under the son will know about it. She will want a devorce. It will be to much pain for my children to bear. I am there rock. I really don't expect the status que cheating on her. I think i would be content with with a female in my typical situation just talking over the internet. I do know my wife loves me and is in love with me and would not want anyone else. And that is another reason i could never leave her. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 my feelings came out when i went on these pills What pills? I'm not aware of any pills that make you want to cheat! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonely Husband Posted February 17, 2008 Author Share Posted February 17, 2008 no there not a pill that wants to make you want to cheat. the pills have made me start to think of myself alittle bit Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 no there not a pill that wants to make you want to cheat. the pills have made me start to think of myself alittle bit You used to think of other people. You took a pill. It makes you think of yourself. Now that you do you want to cheat. Ergo, you're taking pills that make you want to cheat! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonely Husband Posted February 17, 2008 Author Share Posted February 17, 2008 define "cheat" Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 Whatever you're thinking of doing on the internet with another woman. Cheating is doing something that your spouse would not approve of. Inappropriate behaviour, sexual charged flirting with intentions..Getting emotionally attached and involved.. Link to post Share on other sites
Frances Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 no there not a pill that wants to make you want to cheat. the pills have made me start to think of myself alittle bit Stop taking the pills then. You maybe having a midlife crisis. Your wife may have one too. Would you like your wife to cheat on you? Try reading the book I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You (Paperback) by Andrew G. Marshall it might help. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 define "cheat" ...anything that takes away romantic emotional energy and attention that should be directed towards your wife. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 ...anything that takes away romantic emotional energy and attention that should be directed towards your wife. By that definition, you've been cheating on your W, Curmie, with all the flirting you do here on LS. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 By that definition, you've been cheating on your W, Curmie, with all the flirting you do here on LS. ...in the strict sense. And perhaps the difference is that she knows I'm a flirt and always have been, it's a shared computer, there are no secrets or cover-ups and at the end of the day I'm in the same bed I woke up in at the beginning of the day, the one I share with her and I'm in no others inbetween, nor do I even consider it. Read what you wrote. "I'm 48 years old and i want to give my heart to someone. But i just want to be with some one i'm in love with... I would think there is a woman out there with the same thing." That's a recipe for cheating. Trying to deflect it doesn't diminish it one bit Nice try, though! Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 ...in the strict sense. And perhaps the difference is that she knows I'm a flirt and always have been, it's a shared computer, there are no secrets or cover-ups and at the end of the day I'm in the same bed I woke up in at the beginning of the day, the one I share with her and I'm in no others inbetween, nor do I even consider it. I have no doubt. Read what you wrote. "I'm 48 years old and i want to give my heart to someone. But i just want to be with some one i'm in love with... I would think there is a woman out there with the same thing." That's a recipe for cheating. Trying to deflect it doesn't diminish it one bit Nice try, though! Um... OpenBook is neither the same person nor gender nor marital status as Lonely Husband. It's hell getting old, ain't it. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 Um... OpenBook is neither the same person nor gender nor marital status as Lonely Husband. It's hell getting old, ain't it. You're quite right. You're not OB. Should have been, "Read what HE wrote." As for the rest, I've no doubt he rationalizes this in his mind some way to deflect "blame" and to mitigate it to himself, if no one else. DANG! On the other hand, if this really works I could take the flirting to another level and be justified. I have a mild, depressive disorder and I take a low-dose antidepressant. Is it true I could actually get away with saying, "The pill made me do it?" Kinda puts the Devil outta work, doesn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonely Husband Posted February 18, 2008 Author Share Posted February 18, 2008 well. its obvious that curmudgeon is a evangelical republican Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 How old are your children? IMO your decision is really off. You can try to justify it in whatever way you want to, but basically you want to be unfaithful to your wife. Infidelity is a breach of good faith. Cheating: 'any violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of a relationship'. If you discuss the rules and boundaries involved with an open marriage - with your wife!, then by definition you will not be cheating. But to be honest, depending on their age, it's likely that your kids will be pretty pissed off if they find out what you're doing. I can tell from your post that you are pretty convinced that what you want to do is fine and dandy, and whatever people say to you, you will likely do whatever you want. But IMO it's pretty sad. My advice? Search high and low between your legs. Try to find your balls somewhere under there. Grab them, pull them out of hiding, and leave your wife if you continnue to find yourself wanting to be with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonely Husband Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 blind otter is right, i am going to do what i want. all of you whom have responded to me have critisized that i am cheating on my wife. i never asked for you opinion's in my original statement. i was looking for help to talk to someone with my type of sisuation. wow, you people need to get a life, you guys have thousands and thousands of replies . read a fricken book , volunteer for something. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 LH, when one posts on a public forum you're going to get all sorts of advice. Some is right on, some is judgemental, and some will be harsh.. Good luck and I hope you sort things out. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 well. its obvious that curmudgeon is a evangelical republican Curmudgeon was a political and legislative analyst for 16 years, is a Catholic "decline to state" (that means I don't belong to any party, in case you couldn't decipher it), a social moderate and a fiscal conservative. Link to post Share on other sites
StillSame Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 Lonely Husband is not serious. This is a fake post. Everyone, just don't pay attention to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 blind otter is right, i am going to do what i want. i was looking for help to talk to someone with my type of sisuation. You already had your mind made up so all you were really seeking was validation and approbation, not a discussion. You were also trolling hoping to find a like-minded woman on here who lives close to you. Now run along to one of those cheater's "dating" sites. I'm sure you'll be much happier there. Link to post Share on other sites
MissMaris Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 Lonely husband -- I think some of the replies you got here were very flippant, pat and judgemental. Sounds like you have hit mid-life, decided to do some introspection into the reasons for your depression and have realized that you have a deep-seated unhappiness. BEFORE you leave your wife or have an affair, however, I'd investigate therapy. Anti-depressants work to make the pain of depression and/or anxiety less severe. However they don't address the core issue.....what made you depressed in the first place? Sounds like you are now seeking a more meaningful way to spend the second half of your life. Perhaps putting 'everyone first' is no longer satisfying to you. Perhaps you need a new way to define yourself. Many people think the answer is to leave to their old way of life and pursue a new one. Sometimes this means ending relationships. But it doesn't always have to. It can also mean changing your perspective and changing yourself....changing the way you relate to the people within the relationships you already have. You may find that what once felt old and stale can recover...and grow into something more mature. I would talk this out in therapy for a minimum of 6 months before doing anything rash or impulsive. There are many books you can read about relationships, mid-life, etc. There is one called 'Addicted to Unhappiness' (forgot the author) that I think is very interesting. You may end up choosing to seperate or divorce. You know what? Your children will survive if you do. My parents seperated after 30 years of marriage and while it upset me and my siblings, we certainly didn't die because of it. In fact, our parents both have new partners now and we are all fine with it. It took some time, but we all adjusted. We all prefer to see our parents happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonely Husband Posted February 20, 2008 Author Share Posted February 20, 2008 thank you "so" much missmaris Link to post Share on other sites
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