Any WOW (or computer game) widows out there?

[annieo]

This might seem silly, but the reason I spend so much time on LS (and my computer, generally) is due to my husband's fascination (addiction?) to WOW (World of Warcraft). At first, I didn't really mind, he's here, we talk now and then, but lately, I'm starting to feel like I'm in the house alone with a zombie.

Today, for example (it's Sunday, and the kids are with their dad), he has been on, almost non-stop, since 11 am (it's 7:10 pm). He takes smoke/food/drink breaks every 40 - 50 minutes or so, and then we exchange a few minutes of conversation.

To bypass any unnecessary questions, yes, I have told him it kind of bugs me, and I DO NOT think we need to be talking/relating every minute of the god-given day.

I frequently find myself here, posting, because there is nothing better to do (sorry, I know that sounds lame). So I may as well post about this.

Is this unusual? I am starting to worry that our main relationship is with our keyboards, not each other.

[Arch]

talk to him, tell him how it bothers you and how you want to spend more time with him, just do it in a none-confrontational way.

 

I use to play WoW but canceled my account because I didn't like blizzard, I never got addicted to the game - if anything I found it very boring, I don't feel most people consciously choose pixels over there partner or kids.

 

He probably doesn't realize how much he has been on. Talk to him how you want to do something with him and your kids together - Go camping, hiking, walking or anything that you can all do together as a family, and all be a part in.

[angie2443]

This might seem silly, but the reason I spend so much time on LS (and my computer, generally) is due to my husband's fascination (addiction?) to WOW (World of Warcraft). At first, I didn't really mind, he's here, we talk now and then, but lately, I'm starting to feel like I'm in the house alone with a zombie.

Today, for example (it's Sunday, and the kids are with their dad), he has been on, almost non-stop, since 11 am (it's 7:10 pm). He takes smoke/food/drink breaks every 40 - 50 minutes or so, and then we exchange a few minutes of conversation.

To bypass any unnecessary questions, yes, I have told him it kind of bugs me, and I DO NOT think we need to be talking/relating every minute of the god-given day.

I frequently find myself here, posting, because there is nothing better to do (sorry, I know that sounds lame). So I may as well post about this.

Is this unusual? I am starting to worry that our main relationship is with our keyboards, not each other.

 

I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I both love video games, but I know to put a limit on it, and he doesn't. He could spend hours (7, 8, 10, you name it) on a game and think that it harms no one. However, it does harm your relationship by taking so much time away from it. In a sense, you are second place to the game. In you relationship, you need to come first.

 

This was a tough one for my husband and I to work through. It caused many fights, but he now limits his hours that he spends on the games each day. Sometimes, he'll have those days where he spends over 5 hours on the game, but those days are fewer now.

 

Talk to your husband and tell him your concerns. If you both continue to have your main relationships be with your keyboards, you'll drift farther and farther apart.

[Ms. Red]

With my H, it was multiple games. He first started out playing a card game "Magic the Gathering" He spent hundreds of $$ on the cards,binders,etc. He moderated tournaments at the local card shop. He held games here at the house.

 

All the while he was also playing computer games. He was in the industry as a game tester & tech support. He would come home on a Friday with a new game & tell me he had to learn it over the weekend because it was hitting the shelves Monday & he needed to know it to do tech support on it.

 

I could never get him to go out & spend time with myself & our son for family outings. I could count the times he went out with us on my 2 hands (maybe even one). I decided to give it a try & became a gamer. But, we had way too many other problems & I couldn't make it work. I ended up kicking him out.

 

Basically, I'm just letting you know you are not alone. And, here's a place that you may find interesting. I can't remember where I found this but, you can see you definetly aren't alone if you visit other widows here: http://www.gamerwidow.com/

 

Good Luck!

[Alison]

You can try talking to your husband. There's a good chance he doesn't realize how much time he is playing and how upset you are. Keep in mind that gaming is designed to be addictive - it's the ultimate escape. It may take your intervention to make your hubby realize how addicted he is.

 

If that doesn't work, though, you may just need to find some other hobbies or something else to do with your time. You can't force someone - even your husband - to spend time doing things you want if he would rather be doing something else. That's just a recipe for unhappiness.

 

My husband spends quite a bit of time gaming (although so do I...). I don't mind, as it means I'm free to do what I want in the evenings and weekends without having to worry about him. I can work late, see movies, meet friends, watch television, talk on the phone, whatever. Maybe try to find an exciting life that doesn't necessarily involve him for a while?

 

Another option is be to compromise. Have you tried playing WoW? It's actually a whole heaps of fun, and you and your husband could adventure together on occasion. Perhaps invite him to start a new character and walk you through the early stages one day. Or you could put the computers in the same room, and just be together. Unless he's constantly playing with an online group, my experience of warcrack is that there is a lot of rather boring walking around that leaves heaps of time for chat with your partner.

 

These options may not sound that great. But you've married a gamer. They are an odd species, who often prefer imaginary worlds to the real one. You'll need to learn to adapt to that (or if you can't beat em, join em ).

[annieo]

Good advice, all. I think h got the idea last night that I was a little ticked, and tonight it's just the two of us and the tv (he just went out for a minute to the store, so no, I'm not sitting here an LS ignoring him!)

And I have been giving some thought to starting up a wow character (sexy blood elf vixen, perhaps). He has suggested that, in an effort to join me in my hobbies, that we can maybe pick a recipe or two and do some communal cooking (Valentine's Day perhaps?), which I love to do.

He's not a bad un, and I think he realizes that he overdoes it sometimes (especially on the weekends), so he's attempting make up for it. Which I appreciate.

Boy, that one was easy to solve. If only they all were.

[Ms. Red]

That's great! I wish my H would have put up such an effort. But, he didn't.

 

You two can have a great time in the kitchen together. Imagine him sneaking up behind you & wrapping his arms around you & gently kissing you. Preparing a good meal together can be fun & bring you close. Good luck & have fun

 

Oh btw, I tried Anarchy Online & it was fun when I had one of they guys walking me through everything. You may find yourself enjoying it. I prefer to play alone or at most I play co op with two people teaming against bots.

 

You never know what you like till you try it!

[annieo]

That's great! I wish my H would have put up such an effort. But, he didn't.

 

You two can have a great time in the kitchen together. Imagine him sneaking up behind you & wrapping his arms around you & gently kissing you. Preparing a good meal together can be fun & bring you close. Good luck & have fun

 

Oh btw, I tried Anarchy Online & it was fun when I had one of they guys walking me through everything. You may find yourself enjoying it. I prefer to play alone or at most I play co op with two people teaming against bots.

 

You never know what you like till you try it!

 

Thanks for the sage advice, Ms Red. You sound very in the know.

OK, I'm on wow, blood elf priest (although I prefer the term priestess ) and spent some time wandering through newbieville. Came home today and found that my 11 year old son had got my character up to level 2. And h has promised to walk me through my first few quests, which I am (unbelievably) looking forward to. I think I may be a goner.

Now let's see how the dirty girl cooking lesson goes. Got a feeling he may reneg. We'll see.

[D-Lish]

I recently posted a thread about having to break up with someone who spent more time playing video games than wanting to spend time with me.

 

He too would spend hours and hours in front of the computer at home in his basement playing CtD4.... with other online gamers. He started cancelling dates.... and if he did come over and stay the night, the first thing on his mind in the morning was about getting home to continue playing the game.

 

I got so tired of being ignored that I ended up having to let him go.

 

I can sympathize with your frustration.... but I wasn't married nor did I have kids with this guy. Your situation sounds a whole lot more frustrating than mine was.

 

I really don't get the obsession.

 

I think you are really going to have to set up some time limits with his gaming.

[Arch]

I really don't get the obsession.

 

Its pretty simple, you have a set goal that is achievable through a fairly easy set of steps. If you accomplish your goal you feel rewarded - if you lose you take a small hit to your pride which makes the reward of winning the next game even greater. Also theres a feel of power and the ability to dominate if you are very good at it.

 

"Y0U 60T P\^/NT N008"

[D-Lish]

Its pretty simple, you have a set goal that is achievable through a fairly easy set of steps. If you accomplish your goal you feel rewarded - if you lose you take a small hit to your pride which makes the reward of winning the next game even greater. Also theres a feel of power and the ability to dominate if you are very good at it.

 

"Y0U 60T P\^/NT N008"

 

Makes sense.

But it's all a fantasy.... isn't there something in the real world that a person can achieve these challenges/rewards?

[Arch]

Makes sense.

But it's all a fantasy.... isn't there something in the real world that a person can achieve these challenges/rewards?

 

What differentiates fantasy from reality? A goal is a goal, and fulfilling a goal gives gratification, not to mention its easy enough for anyone to do but hard enough that they always keep coming back.

 

Eventually a game will get boring to anyone - the time just varies from person to person.

 

I don't really play many video games any more. I like CSS still but I find video games fairly limiting. I prefer programming.

Edited February 13, 2008 by Arch

[annieo]

Makes sense.

But it's all a fantasy.... isn't there something in the real world that a person can achieve these challenges/rewards?

 

You can do both. It's not an either/or proposition. Unless, of course, you're playing every waking moment, or your wife is writing about being a widow on LS.