Keep it professional?

[Chibaby]

OK- there's this woman my husband works with that tries to get too close with him in my opinion. She's very flirty, and sends texts inviting him to hottub parties, bars, lunch, etc. Once, after working late together she sent a text message saying "thanks for last night, that's the most action I've seen in a long time-LOL." My husband thinks she's harmless because she is bisexual and has been seeing a woman for the past few weeks. Clearly I'm uncomfortable with the way she acts. I don't mind being on friendly terms with her, however, I would prefer that he keep it professional. He always says "sorry" and says he'll change, but then a few weeks later, I find out that they've been talking outside of work again. This really bothers me and I want it to stop- I don't find her as competition lookswise, but I suppose I feel threatened by the way she acts. Am I just being too sensitive to this friendship? Am I being too controlling by asking him to keep this relationship in the office and off the phone? If not, then what should I do if he continues to communicate with her outside of work? Thoughts?

[spooty]

Guys like attention, the good thing about this (for him) is that he gets attention from her, and that causes you to get jealous, and guys usually like when a woman is jealous because it shows how much she cares/wants him.

from your post i'm not sure how much he is hiding. if he's hiding it a lot i would be suspicious, but if he makes little effort or doesn't seem to care when you find out then it's probably nothing.

does he smile when you mention her? if he thinks it's funny when you get worried then it's probably nothing. if he gets defensive or withdrawls after you mention it, then that might be something more to worry about.

 

if he talks to you about her frequently then don't worry, she's just something for him to talk about when he gets home. he would hide all interaction if there were something to hide.

[reboot]

Am I just being too sensitive to this friendship?

No. It's way out of line. Hottub parties? Puh-lease.

 

Am I being too controlling by asking him to keep this relationship in the office and off the phone?

Of course not. He's your Husband. If it makes you uncomfortable, he shouldn't be doing it. This is how affairs start.

 

If not, then what should I do if he continues to communicate with her outside of work?

How far are you willing to go to make him stop this nonsense?

[ICallsEmAsISeesEm]

Since when does a simple 'coworker' send a married men invitations to hot tub parties and bars?

 

And more so, since when does a simple 'coworker' invite a man whose MARRIED to these things, and NOT extend the invitation to his WIFE as well?

 

She's clearly disrespecting your place in your husband's life and not even acknowledging your existence. I wouldn't trust this b*itch to take out my garbage, much less spend time with my husband. And as the others said, she's clearly feeding his ego and he's loving the attention. She also exudes sex, telling him about her bisexuality and how she's with a woman right now.

 

WTF??? Since when does a simple 'coworker' share her intimate sexual secrets with another coworker? She sounds like an utter pig.

[bestadvisor]

Before you know it, she is going to give him offers. He might refuse at first, and may eventually tempted and give in.

[JamesM]

Am I just being too sensitive to this friendship? Am I being too controlling by asking him to keep this relationship in the office and off the phone? If not, then what should I do if he continues to communicate with her outside of work? Thoughts?

 

No and No.

 

As reboot said, he is your husband and he should be sensitive to your feelings. If he has a relationship with a woman who is not also your friend, then he needs to realize that this is not good for the marriage. And by being your friend, I mean that you do not feel as if she IS competing with you for him. Should he keep his friendship only at work? Not necessarily, but if he excludes you from that friendship, then you have a right to be concerned.

 

If he continues...ask him why his relationship with her is more important than the feelings of his wife whom he promised to love and to cherish. And if he brings it as your problem that you are jealous, then ask him why he does not do everything in his power to reassure you that you should have no problems with her.

[NocturnalRaids]

What is a hot tub party? I never heard that term used before, is it a common thing or what?

[Trialbyfire]

Why not ask your husband if he would feel comfortable if you found a man to heavily flirt with and state inappropriate things to? If he's okay with that, do it, then make no pretence at hiding it from him.

[nadiaj2727]

Both of their behavior is totally inappropriate. Neither of them should be discussing sex with the other. She should not be inviting him to any extracurricular activities, and it shows that something is clearly wrong here that she (or HE) doesn't invite YOU to the same activities.

 

I hate to mention this but are you absolutely sure that nothing has happened between them? The way he said "I"m sorry" about his behavior relating to her, and her text message about "action" last night (even if she was just kidding -- that's disgusting!) made me wince. How did you see the text message? Did he show it to you or did you find it?

[Blue Eyed Brain]

He is feeding his co-worker the same attention that she is giving him and therefore, the bantering continues. Why does she have his cell phone number in the first place?

 

If she's sending him texts, then he feeding her (in one way or another). Otherwise, it would have stopped after the 3rd one or so.

 

Be cautious of this attachment.

[Eyerish]

What is the situation in your marriage in the first place? There might be other issues at stake here. But ultimately we make our own choices in life and if your husband was to take this friendship one step too far then it is up to you to ask yourself is this the type of person you want to be married to. The other woman in this situation is being predatory to ask your husband to a hot tub party and you need to discuss your feelings openly with your husband.

 

I personally would be flattered at the attention of a female co-worker or any woman for that matter (not that any have or probably will ever). But I do have female friends that I got out with for dinner occasionally or some other activity such as bike riding or skating. Yes it makes my wife jealous as we live in separate countries and she knows that I am just trying to establish some form of social life. However these women are just platonic friends and definitely have never indicated a desire for something beyond friendship. She also has male friends that she invites to over to visit or at parties - one has even told here that she would be a "great catch" and is "great looking" and I trust her and she trusts me. My wife and I basically have a sexless marriage as she has zero interest in sex (except to get pregnant - minimised and practical on her part rather than loving). This plays heavily on my self esteem (and probably on many others in a similar situation) after all if the person who loves you with all their heart does not desire you who the hell would. Despite this I am still faithfull so far. Whether or not I would take a friendship further in the future is something I would have to see what happens at the time.

[RecordProducer]

OK- there's this woman my husband works with that tries to get too close with him in my opinion. She's very flirty, and sends texts inviting him to hottub parties, bars, lunch, etc.

This is really ugly. He should always respond with: "Maybe MY WIFE and I will join you at the party" or something like that.

Once, after working late together she sent a text message saying "thanks for last night, that's the most action I've seen in a long time-LOL."

Did he tell you what that was supposed to mean? Are you sure they are not sleeping together?

 

I don't find her as competition lookswise

This statement of yours could mean that she is totally ugly or simply that you are better-looking than she is. Yet, if she is good-looking, she is definitely your competition.

 

If you trust your husband, don't make a big deal out of it. Ignore it, because this tramp is not worth your time and nerves. If you don't trust him, sit him down and resolve this once and for all before it destroys your marriage. Do you have children?

[justice]

No, you are not being too controlling at all. Make yourself known to this woman, be more visible and let her know that her behavior is not welcome. If your husband doesn't like it, tough! He should respect your wishes. Raise some He$$ if you have too, but do whatever it takes to stop this tramp.