Do all women eventually end up resenting their husbands?

[Woggle]

Almost every couple I know you can see clear as day that the woman has obvious contempt and resentment for her husband no matter how hard he tries to please her. It just seems that eventually she will start pegging him as the source of her unhappiness and resentment will creep in. There is nothing a man can do to prevent this and I am so afraid of this happening in my marriage. I don't want to wake up one day to find out that my wife hates my guts. Is there any way for a man to avoid this or is it inevitable?

[nittygritty]

Don't talk about wanting to get together with your ex.

[Kasan]

Of course it's not inevitable Woggle! Stop looking for trouble and pleaseeeee just enjoy the good moments that you have.

 

I am afraid with your line of thinking--your fears will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[Tony T]

In my observation, the only cure is for the two to be away from each other for good periods of time...either during the day or even on entire days of the month.

 

This doesn't happen all the time but it does happen. It's usually for periods of time that get worse and then better. It happens often but not to all marriages. The reason is chemistry, plain and simple. When two people meet and are getting to know each other, chemistry is high and flowing. You want to be with that person all the time and there's simply no way anything can go wrong. That's nature's way of alluring the couple into reproduction. Nature has no interest at all in the couple's happiness, that totally for them to worry about. If nature was interested in marital stability it would have provided for that. Nature is only concerned about keeping the planet populated.

 

When that chemistry diminishes, even the most compatible of couples can get tired of each other from time to time. Many, however, who had nothing in common but chemistry will be completely miserable around each other. Gawd forbid they had children to keep their marriage going...and a LOT of people do. Ha ha, there's nature doing its thing.

 

Marriage is not easy and it's not for everybody. People need to think beyond the chemistry in the beginning, if that's possible, and examine closely if this is a person they can be with forevermore. There aren't a lot of people who find a mate they are truly happy with, more or less, for a very long period. Our times, our lifestyles, our morality and so many other things that have evolved over time have complicated marriage to the point that getting one to survive could be the most difficult thing you could ever undertake.

[Moose]

There's a saying out there: "Do you want to be right.....or do you want to be happy?"

 

I can tell you, I'm the happiest guy around......then when she finds out she's wrong....I'm her Knight in shining armour coming to her rescue......

 

How can a woman resent that?

[Woggle]

Of course it's not inevitable Woggle! Stop looking for trouble and pleaseeeee just enjoy the good moments that you have.

 

I am afraid with your line of thinking--your fears will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

If I don't look for trouble right now then eventually it will sneak up on me. A couple of friends and I were at Olive Garden last night and this couple at another table were fighting horribly. A friend of mine who is going through a divorce told me that is the future of my marriage and the other guy seemed to agree.

[GoodOnPaper]

Almost every couple I know you can see clear as day that the woman has obvious contempt and resentment for her husband no matter how hard he tries to please her. . .

 

Here is your key phrase. If pleasing her smacks of desperation, wanting something in return, or simply duty, resentment on her part will build. I'm learning that just as being the "nice guy" doesn't attract women, it also doesn't build strong bonds within a marriage. Caring from a position of emotional strength -- primarily self-acceptance and knowing what you want in life -- is a much better way to go.

[Scrivdog]

I was watching this great documentary a while back about tigers (fascinating creatures). Unlike lions, they're pretty much loners - getting together only when they need to mate.

 

So they show a male and a female meeting each other, and for about a week, she's flirting with him and he flirts back. You see them playing, wrestling, and just hanging out together. Then after that week, they have sex repeatedly for a few days and they look like they're in bliss.

 

Then I guess the female's hormonal system lets her know she's now preggers and so the sex stops. Everytime the male tries to "get some", she snaps at him - ears pulled back and all. He hangs around for a a day or so, but during that time he can't do anything right. He paws at her playfully like he did the week before and she slaps his face hard, growling in anger. He tries to lick her ear and she can barely contain her disgust.

 

The funny part is, after a while - you can actually see the bewildered expression in the male tiger's face as he seems to wonder what the hell he's still doing there. And sure enough, after one more outburst from the female - he gets this "f*ck this noise" expression and finally just walks away.

[Cobra_X30]

If I don't look for trouble right now then eventually it will sneak up on me. A couple of friends and I were at Olive Garden last night and this couple at another table were fighting horribly. A friend of mine who is going through a divorce told me that is the future of my marriage and the other guy seemed to agree.

 

Wog, Lets get specific.

 

Why do you think your wife is headed in this direction?

 

I dont think that this is something that is just fated to happen, but it takes two people who are willing to not be selfish.

[Scrivdog]

Yeah - but it only takes one to derail the whole thing.

 

Wog, Lets get specific.

 

Why do you think your wife is headed in this direction?

 

I dont think that this is something that is just fated to happen, but it takes two people who are willing to not be selfish.

[Woggle]

Wog, Lets get specific.

 

Why do you think your wife is headed in this direction?

 

I dont think that this is something that is just fated to happen, but it takes two people who are willing to not be selfish.

 

Because she is female and I just have a hard time believing that a woman is capable of lasting love for a man. I keep looking for the cache and the hidden agenda.

[Kasan]

If I don't look for trouble right now then eventually it will sneak up on me. A couple of friends and I were at Olive Garden last night and this couple at another table were fighting horribly. A friend of mine who is going through a divorce told me that is the future of my marriage and the other guy seemed to agree.

 

I have to admit that there have been a couple of times, (and I am not proud to say this) when I have gotten into an argument with my dear hubby in a public place.

 

We went home said we're sorry and that was the end of that. (Well, actually he pretty much hated me and the feeling was mutual. JUST KIDDING!) But guess what--it wasn't the end of the world!!!! We got over it--

 

You are surrounded by people who are going through bad times--it is good to look inward and look at your situation--we always measure our lives by what our friends are going through--but that doesn't mean that you will experience the same things that your friends are going through.

 

A lot of couples have successful longterm marriages--I am in one of those--you will have your ups and downs--but you can't live your life like that cartoon character (can't remember his name) who shouts "The sky is falling, the sky is falling" every time you run into someone who is probably having a bad day.

 

Okay?

[Moose]

Because she is female and I just have a hard time believing that a woman is capable of lasting love for a man. I keep looking for the cache and the hidden agenda.

Oh boy.....this is not good.....not good at all Wog....

 

I know you've been burnt in the past, but you have to take another chance.....I promise you, not ALL women have hidden agendas......trust me on that one....

[Ali4134]

COMMUNICATION! Pure and simple. There are two things that typically break up couples who are in love. Money and bad communication. If you are worried about this, talk to her about it. Tell her how you feel and tell her you want to do whatever the two of you can to not let this happen. Let her know that she can always come to you if something is bothering her. Listen to her and be understanding. There are a lot of emotions that women have, especially in mid-life that men just don't understand, but it doesn't mean you can't listen and have patience. In return she'll do the same for you. It's give and take. Nothing is just destined to fail. It takes two. Those men that are telling you it will happen to you most likely don't even know what they did wrong, but I gaurantee it was something. Not that the women are totally innocent, but it always takes two.

[Cobra_X30]

Because she is female and I just have a hard time believing that a woman is capable of lasting love for a man. I keep looking for the cache and the hidden agenda.

 

Wog,

 

Have you determined what her needs are? I would invest some time into figuring out her personality type and what drives her.

 

I'm going to say that this particular topic is something I also struggle with in a big way! It's one of the reasons I start to emotionall distance myself from women after a certain period of time. I wish I could tell you how to fix it... but I kind of need help here too.

[Ali4134]

Wog,

 

Have you determined what her needs are? I would invest some time into figuring out her personality type and what drives her.

 

I'm going to say that this particular topic is something I also struggle with in a big way! It's one of the reasons I start to emotionall distance myself from women after a certain period of time. I wish I could tell you how to fix it... but I kind of need help here too.

 

Just communicate. Honesty is the absolute best. If it turns out that two people have fallen out of love, if they are honest about it then the split can actually be very civil. My parents split up after 25 years. They just fell out of love and they did fight a lot and lost much communication. But the first time in a long time that they were honest and communicative, they decided that a divorce would be best. They are both happy and go out for drinks from time to time and talk about me and my siblings. It's very nice.

[Cobra_X30]

Just communicate. Honesty is the absolute best. If it turns out that two people have fallen out of love, if they are honest about it then the split can actually be very civil. My parents split up after 25 years. They just fell out of love and they did fight a lot and lost much communication. But the first time in a long time that they were honest and communicative, they decided that a divorce would be best. They are both happy and go out for drinks from time to time and talk about me and my siblings. It's very nice.

 

Well, I am very self diciplined, and I control my emotions very well.

 

Here is the deal. I'm paralyzingly frightened to put a child of mine through a divorce. The one my parents went through was horrible. It pretty much ruined my sister forever.

 

I just dont seem to have the ability to trust someone that far. Personal experience seems to validate what wog is saying more than anything. It just seems like I have never met a woman who has strong internal values like mine.

[Kasan]

Do all women eventually end up resenting their husbands?

 

I guess I wasn't clear in my other responses--The answer is nooooooooooo!

 

I just don't understand why you make it harder that it has to be!!! You can analyze your relationship all you want....worrying about the what ifs--but the simple fact is, no one know what the future holds.

 

So IMO, if you have someone that you love and are happy with enjoy every moment and be grateful that you have found your "someone" for however long it lasts--it could last for a lifetime!

 

Why do you assume it won't? Based on your first marriage? Well, guess what--you got through that horrible mess and you are still standing--and you found another person to share your life with.

 

I am sure that you learned much from your first marriage that makes you a better husband this time. Woggle, I have faith in you--that you will get over these insecurities that you have. Do the work necessary to get to the point that you won't be questioning every aspect of your marriage.

 

One day at a time....................

[whichwayisup]

Almost every couple I know you can see clear as day that the woman has obvious contempt and resentment for her husband no matter how hard he tries to please her. It just seems that eventually she will start pegging him as the source of her unhappiness and resentment will creep in. There is nothing a man can do to prevent this and I am so afraid of this happening in my marriage. I don't want to wake up one day to find out that my wife hates my guts. Is there any way for a man to avoid this or is it inevitable?

 

If you and your wife keep the lines of communication open and keep an open mind (meaning, accept eachother for WHO you each are, allow eachother to make mistakes, be in not so good moods, etc), and not make a big deal of little things, you talk about it, don't let it fester and build into something bigger, you'll be FINE woggle. You and your wife.

 

I would hope that neither of you would allow things to get to such a point when you start resenting eachother, or she starts to resent you. I suggest you tell your wife your fears, that you're worried one day she'll resent you, and eventually hate you.

 

I have to ask, what's set you off this time?

 

Spend an hour today thinking about your wife, all the good stuff and good feelings you two share. Try to work through the insecure feelings and worries, replace them with positive memories - TELL yourself "MY wife LOVES ME! I have nothing to be worried about." Look at your wedding photo's, remember your vows...Remember the passion you two share in the bedroom!! ALL that should make you feel better, and make you smile.

 

I hope this helps.

[whichwayisup]

If I don't look for trouble right now then eventually it will sneak up on me. A couple of friends and I were at Olive Garden last night and this couple at another table were fighting horribly. A friend of mine who is going through a divorce told me that is the future of my marriage and the other guy seemed to agree.

 

Remember you and your wife are NOT the couple at that table. You two have your own life, your own way of dealing with things...

 

You never know what goes on behind closed doors, or how those people's relationship really is, so getting an eye full during dinner hour and assuming the worst in your marriage is WRONG Woggle. DO NOT LISTEN TO YOUR DIVORCING FRIEND. He's spooking you and bringing you down on purpose because HE is miserable and he's manipulating you, wanting to bring you down to his sad level. Friends don't DO that sh.it to eachother! I don't get why you keep listening to your buddy's who are miserable in their marriages!

 

Do you get what I'm trying to say here? You're freaking yourself out because of other people's situations. Stop doing that otherwise you're gonna drive yourself NUTS!

[whichwayisup]

Because she is female and I just have a hard time believing that a woman is capable of lasting love for a man. I keep looking for the cache and the hidden agenda.

 

But you know your wife doesn't have a hidden agenda! This is the thing. You gotta stop listening the little devil on your shoulder, and start believing in your heart, the good angel inside you! YOU KNOW you've married a good woman! Do your best to trust, and when you start to feel yucky and ponder all the bad "what if's" CALL your wife and hear her voice to settle your nerves. BE pro-active here, instead of letting bad thoughts take over, react in a positive way and say to yourself, "Boy am I ever glad I'll never have to go through that because I have a good thing going at home with my wife."

[Ali4134]

Well, I am very self diciplined, and I control my emotions very well.

 

Here is the deal. I'm paralyzingly frightened to put a child of mine through a divorce. The one my parents went through was horrible. It pretty much ruined my sister forever.

 

I just dont seem to have the ability to trust someone that far. Personal experience seems to validate what wog is saying more than anything. It just seems like I have never met a woman who has strong internal values like mine.

 

If you consider this meeting, then I am sure I have those morals you are talking about. Actually I have a hard time finding anyone who gets my morals and my idea of a good relationship.

[Cobra_X30]

If you consider this meeting, then I am sure I have those morals you are talking about. Actually I have a hard time finding anyone who gets my morals and my idea of a good relationship.

 

LOL... I get your point! This is usually where I ask if your single... and if your busy tonight!

 

I've noticed in passing that guys like wog, and me, and several others with big trust issues... also have very poor relationships with our mothers. Possible link? I dont really know, but Ive had a strong feeling for a while that may be part of the issue.

[Touche]

Wog, you're being self-destructive. Really. Ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy? Get a grip, dude.

 

I've been with my H for 13 years. I don't have an ounce of hatred or resentment towards him. As far as an "agenda" that's ridiculous. We both work towards the same goals together.

 

No, we don't always agree. But we don't scream, call each other names or put one another down when we do. We didn't get married a second time (for both of us) to lose again. So we make sure to what we need to do to keep us together and still loving each other. You should do the same. And doubting your marriage every 5 minutes isn't going to help you toward that end. It's destructive. No good will come of it.

 

I kind of feel sorry for your wife. Glad my H doesn't doubt us/me every step of the way. I wouldn't put up with that kind of negativity in my life. Who wants to live that way?

[Ali4134]

LOL... I get your point! This is usually where I ask if your single... and if your busy tonight!

 

I've noticed in passing that guys like wog, and me, and several others with big trust issues... also have very poor relationships with our mothers. Possible link? I dont really know, but Ive had a strong feeling for a while that may be part of the issue.

 

Actually I am single and free tonight....lol. Yeah, I actually have a GREAT relationship with all of my family. My mom, dad, sister, and brother are my best friends. So fortuantely I have a good support system.