Fiance has phone issues

[dreamyeyes42]

I am going to be completely honest here because I know that blinding myself from the truth will only result in wasting people's valuable time and not end up helping me at all. Thank you in advance for reading and for any advice given!

My fiance and I have been together 7 years and we have a great relationship. He is kind, loving and truly loves me and we are both excited and heavily planning our wedding in Nov. 2008. I love him dearly and we are a normal, happy couple.

Of course we aren't perfect and we all have flaws that not many like. My fiance has one that has irked me since we've been dating and I can't seem to fix it.

In a nutshell, sometimes when things come up (a business meeting, minor family situation or simply that he's staying out longer than anticipated with his friends, etc), he doesn't bother to call me to tell me that he'll be late or he probably won't be able to see me when we already have plans to. (he has NOT ditched me when we've made plans to go somewhere special...we always spend Fri, Sat and Sun evenings together just being together at his house, going out to dinner or ordering in, etc. Its on these quiet evenings that this happens.)

In all honesty, he HAS called me (very few times) to tell me he'll be late or he probably won't be able to see me but more often than not, he just doesn't call. And when I try calling him, he doesn't pick up. The last time he did this was last week, when he got an unexpected invitation to an important meeting to make business acquaintances for a business he's developing. We always meet up to jog every afternoon and well, needless to say I was waiting for him to show up to jog...he never did, he didn't call and when I tried to call, he had turned off his phone. (I was worried so I called his house and his aunt told me where he'd headed. Now here's the thing, he usually tells his family where he's off to but I guess it's because he lives with them, but he does pull the same thing to them, although not as often as with me).

 

Trust me, I have thought about the issue of infidelity but we need to put that aside because in all honesty, he wouldn't do that (and I am speaking honestly, knowing him for 7 years and one of his greatest virtues IS faithfulness, so infidelity is out of the question. Plus he's told me many times how he doesn't want to loose me, he doesn't believe in hooking up with random people, the risk of vinereal diseases nowadays, etc.).

 

He is wonderful with everything else...but why does he do this to me? It bothers me and I HAVE talked to him about it: calmly discussing it, yelled at him about it, given him the silent treatment about it....but NOTHING works. How can I get my wretched fiance to CALL me when something comes up that way he doesn't leave me freaking HANGING, waiting for him?? These nights I'm left with no choice but to have a stay-in party with myself and resort to the comfort of Netflix instant movie watching, when I could've made plans with friends to go out.

 

Please, any advice? Is this some cruel game he likes to play with me from time to time? And if so, WHY???

 

Any men here with similar or stranger behavoir who could enlighten me?

 

THANKS!!

[whichwayisup]

Either he is just very forgetful or he puts himself ahead of everyone else as he may think of himself as the most important.

 

I understand your frustration, because not calling to cancel, or not calling to say "Im going to be late" etc., is just plain rude. Sure, once in a while it happens, people get distracted and forget - But with him, it seems it's become a habit and he's been doing it for SO LONG, that now it's OK to him to do that.

 

To me, this would be a deal breaker. Imagine being married to him, having children with him and him forgetting to call to say "sorry, I'm running late, I can't pick up the kids from daycare, or school..." How do you tell your kids 'daddy forgot about you.' Cuz, that is what his actions say, I'm more important than you.

 

Let him know how serious this problem is, enough that you might consider ending it with him. Maybe if he understands how you really feel when he does this to you, he'll change his ways. Not only does he need to TRY and make a continiuous and conscious effort to keep intouch, he needs to be considerate of you. Put you first so YOU know you're on his mind. Seems outta sight, outta mind with him.

 

Good luck.

[Mrs.C.]

Congratulations on your engagement; he sounds like a pretty good guy. The phone thing would have made me nuts years ago. Anyway, I would just say, don't expect it to change. I mean, as rude as it is of him to not call - the fact is, he has proven time and again that that is how he rolls. Just don't expect him to insert what he feels to be an unnecessary step into his decorum. If you marry him, just know he is not more likely to call the wife than the fiance.

 

Good luck, Mrs. c.