guitar71 Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 Help! I've met a girl at work who basically has me feeling as out of control and lovesick as my first ever crush (from high school). I am married and love my wife - but things have been very difficult. My wife has been cold to me for 3-4 years, she will no longer hold my hand, or even kiss me (or allow me to kiss her). Sex is infrequent - and she makes me feel terrible for wanting to have sex with her. She also has a best friend (someone I work with) - all of our plans somehow include him, and we constantly fight about it (I have having this third wheel in our marriage). I do not think that she is cheating on me with him, but it is a confusing situation which bothers me a lot. The new girl is a whole new doorway - I've been very depressed and feeling nothing at all but sadness and grief. Every time I'm near the new girl I feel alive and spinning and all those good things. I left her a note telling her how I feel - but without my name. Because this is at work, I'm not sure how to proceed.... thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted July 4, 2007 Share Posted July 4, 2007 I left her a note telling her how I feel - but without my name. Because this is at work, I'm not sure how to proceed.... thoughts? Hmmm... I think just because you feel like you're in high school it doesn't mean you have to act like it. First things first... see your doctor for a depression screening and make sure all this "sadness and grief" aren't stemming from a clinical case of depression. Sometimes it's more than just a situational thing, right? Next, address the problems in your marriage. If you're having trouble asserting yourself... get some back-up in the form of a marriage counselor. Sometimes when you're having difficulty getting your point across to your partner, it helps to have a third party's perspective. Your wife is alienating you with this "friendship" and she needs somebody to tell her straight-up that she's wrong. (Although, I have to say, if my husband had some female "friend hanging around all the time, there wouldn't be a single doubt in his mind about how wrong that is! 'Cause he'd have heard it already... and at a decibel usually reserved for rock concerts. ) Anyway, if it turns out your marital problems are unresolvable, see an attorney and get a divorce. At that point, you'll have done all you can. Whatever else you do though... don't drag some other person into your mess. It doesn't take long, reading in the OM/OW forum, to see how UNFAIR it is to emotionally involve an outside person in your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author guitar71 Posted July 6, 2007 Author Share Posted July 6, 2007 thanks for responding - not sure i'm clinically depressed, but i do have bad cases of the blues a lot. i have tried to assert myself with my wife - but it ends up being a circular, endless fight. i think she sees her friend as a major emotional support and that my jealousy is the problem. it has me terribly confused - but I do know how crappy i feel about it. i would not get involved with the new person while married - i would need to end it and then move on. it does sound like a marriage counselor is worth thinking about.... my problem is this: i'm with someone who i do love, who is cold to me and pushes me away physically and emotionally. and now i can see myself falling in love with someone else if the problems at home continue... Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 6, 2007 Share Posted July 6, 2007 ...and now i can see myself falling in love with someone else if the problems at home continue... Don't do it! Work on the problems at home as best you can and if your wife doesn't cooperate and things don't get better then it may be time to cut your losses and divorce. But do all that first before indulging your fantasies. As for her "friend," he needs to go. Totally inappropriate and the fact that you two fight about it is quite telling -- even more so because she won't let him go. I'd be gone! Link to post Share on other sites
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