PandorasBox Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 How many of you who have been married or are still married have ever renewed your wedding vows after being married for a certain amount of time? I have a friend, who is renewing hers soon after being married for 10 years, and have 3 kids. I think its wonderful if thats what people want to do. I guess like a refirming of the love they share together. Or the turning over a new leaf possibly. IMO, I haven't ever really seen the point in it though. I mean for me anyway, I'm not saying others shouldn't if its what they want to do. I guess I figure if couples show one another in their day to day lives and are good to each other and tell/show each other etc, they shouldn't need to get infront of others to refirm how they feel, they should already know. Thats just my take on it though. So whats your take on renewing vows? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 It's alright by me. I am not going to judge anyone based on whether or not they do this. Glad to hear from you again PB. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 I agree that its up to the couple, if that is something they choose to do. However, I do think if one is going to renew the vows their actions should follow those words they exchange. Of course, that should be the same as when someone first gets married. People should honor their vows not only in just words but actions as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PandorasBox Posted May 25, 2007 Author Share Posted May 25, 2007 It's alright by me. I am not going to judge anyone based on whether or not they do this. Glad to hear from you again PB. Oh that is true, I'm not trying to judge, to each their own. I do think people need to do whatever they want or feel is best for them. But for me, I don't really see the point, but it doesn't mean others might not. Jack, that is true also, if the actions do not follow the words/vows, then it would be pretty pointless to even do. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 So whats your take on renewing vows? My wife and I have been married going on 11 years. We "eloped" and had a quickie marriage because that's what we wanted, each of us having been married before with a big ceremony. Every couple of years we attend a married couples weekend retreat at a Catholic retreat center near our home. They are pleasant, thought-provoking, spiritual and helpful events which keep us focused on our marriage and one another. They always culminate with Sunday Mass during which we retake our vows and have our marriage blessed. That's always very moving as each retreat is headed by a different priest and the vows are always different but meaningful. They mean a lot to us. We had thought of retaking our vows in a ceremony that all our children could attend and be a part of but after we'd been married about two years it didn't seem to matter much to them. We were married and that was that. Link to post Share on other sites
onlyone25 Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 WOW! This really hit a semi-open and very painful wound!!! I'll try to make it short.... For over a year we had been planning a twenty-fifth anniversary trip to Hawaii in February of 2005. Our actual anniversary is June 21 but we love Hawaii in February. We were planning on writing our own vows and have a small renewal ceremony preformed by a friend that was going with us. We ended up postponing our trip for a year because in September of 04 our son was in a horrible car accident and because of a brain injury he was unable to fly in February 05. We decided to change some of the details of the trip and instead we were going to have a party here at home in June and renew our vows then......... On June 18, 2005, three days before our actual anniversary and one week before our party, I got the anniversary gift of a life time... The following morning on June 19 my husband confessed to me he had slept with a f*cking little 22 year old whore!! And to top it off he had "feelings" for her but he loved me and didn't know what to do!!! The last 2 years have been very painful and sad to say the least. We are still together but i don't know that we'll make it. Renew our vows, why? He couldn't honor them the first time!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 my story parallels Curm's ... eloped 15 years ago, but never had the marriage blessed by the Catholic Church, because sacramentally, DH is still considered married to Wife #1. We've started working on paperwork for an anullment of that marriage so that we can be free to convalidate our marriage. Doesn't make sense in the secular world, but it's part of practicing my faith so it's something I want for our marriage. So yeah, when the Church gives the signal, we'll do all of this in a nice laid back liturgy ... still have the church part, but without all the hoopla of a wedding. after all that we've weathered together, it's a very sweet way of affirming our relationship, I think ... Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted May 26, 2007 Share Posted May 26, 2007 ...but never had the marriage blessed by the Catholic Church, because sacramentally, DH is still considered married to Wife #1. I looked into having the marriage to the ex annulled before my wife and I married. Then our diocese hit us with the bomb. My wife, who is Buddhist, had been married twice before and although one was a civil ceremony and one was in a Protestant church, they said they'd have to annul those as well. Too freaking intrusive and too much trouble! Since we've taken vows in a sanctified Catholic church, before a priest, who blessed our marriage, several times, I firmly believe us to be married in the church. I just don't have the paperwork to prove it. I don't need it. It's written in my heart and my wife's. As for the ex, I believe there are two ways to get out of your vows. You can break them or you can be released from them. With her walking away from the marriage and her infidelity, I consider myself released from the ones I took with her forever. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted May 26, 2007 Share Posted May 26, 2007 hmmm ... the chick at the tribunal office told me that DH's first marriage is the one which would need to have a formal anullment filed on it, but the second marriage – because it was a second marriage for both parties – would only need an "ad ligamen" filed, just basically stating that she was married before and therefore not "available" to be married to DH. And the cost pretty much only covered to file that piece of paper. Of course, I still have to dig up marriage and divorce records from #2's first marriage, but if I can do that without having to ever contact her, I'll happily pay it!!! one thing I have noticed in talking to priests is that not all of them are familiar with how the annulment process works – really, it was the chick who is the administrative assistant for the diocesan tribunal who told me how to go about doing the necessary paperwork, then pointed me in the direction of a monsignor who is pretty well versed in the subject. So, should y'all decide to pursue it through canonical channels, talk to the person who runs the office for the tribunal, and have him or her suggest the best person to help you with the case. It'll save a lot of time and misunderstanding ... Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Posted May 26, 2007 Share Posted May 26, 2007 How many of you who have been married or are still married have ever renewed your wedding vows after being married for a certain amount of time? I have a friend, who is renewing hers soon after being married for 10 years, and have 3 kids. I think its wonderful if thats what people want to do. I guess like a refirming of the love they share together. Or the turning over a new leaf possibly. IMO, I haven't ever really seen the point in it though. I mean for me anyway, I'm not saying others shouldn't if its what they want to do. I guess I figure if couples show one another in their day to day lives and are good to each other and tell/show each other etc, they shouldn't need to get infront of others to refirm how they feel, they should already know. Thats just my take on it though. So whats your take on renewing vows? If the couple feels that they want to do it more power to them!! I in fact am renewing my vows! We are doing it because we have over come alot of obsticals along the way and we are stronger than ever! We are married 10 yrs and never got married in a church it was outside. We want it to be in the church. My fil wasn't in our marriage because of issues with my mil so this way he is able to be a part of it. People do it everyday! Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmasMuse Posted May 26, 2007 Share Posted May 26, 2007 IMO, I think it depends on the couples and how the marriage might already be going. In my case when I was married, my then husband and I didn't have the best marriage. Things were always rocky it seemed. Some kind of drama always took place and it was like a dark cloud just loomed over my whole relationship with him. I was the main one who put forth alot of effort into trying to make our marriage work, while he did most of the sitting around watching TV, on the computer, out with friends, and making sure he made me feel like crap about him being the one who put a roof over my head. He was very angry and uncaring person at times. I had often considered leaving the marriage, because it just seemed he didn't want to be here or work on things. Then one day after a really bad arguement with him, a few days later, he pops up and says he wanted to renew our vows. Of course I was completely caught off quard by this, since we had been arguring and things were not good. I agreed to this thinking, maybe, just maybe he had see the light and he wanted to try and work on the marriage and maybe by him doing this, it would proove he was committed in trying to make this relationship work and he truly did love me. Everything was set, we exchanged our vows infront of friends and family. It seemed to be very wonderful and I was really happy, but only for a very short time. After the vows were exchanged and some time had passed, things went right back to the way they were. Nothing had really changed at all, its like the vows meant nothing. So whoever said somethig about hoping the actions go along with the vows or words, you're right. They do need to match! I felt even more hurt after al of this because I had hoped this would be a new beginning for us, but it wasn't. I later on found out after we divorced, he confessed to me, that he suggested renewing our vows because he thought it would shut me up and make me happy, because of the arguement we had, and the things we had been through. It was actually a really cruel thing for him to do. I was a sucker for believing it too. I don't think there is anything wrong with renewing vows if its what the couple want's to do. But, anyone can get up infront of friends and family and say some words, but if you don't live by those words, and your action do not show that, then it was probably a waste of time, and the vows would mean nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted May 26, 2007 Share Posted May 26, 2007 Quitre frankly, I think each diocesan marriage tribunal sets its own rules. The process is no longer centered in the Vatican. We're not going to bother. As far as we're concerned we're married in the church. Link to post Share on other sites
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