LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Marriage & Life Partnerships

Why do men hide things?


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 15th December 2006, 11:46 AM   #1
Member
 
noturtypicalwife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 44
Why do men hide things?

I am curious as to why men hide things wether it be money or anything, in a marriage aren't you supposed to hide nothing? Is it out of fear, a need for secrecy, or is it because the wife would get mad or is it something you should not have and you know it? What is behind all the secrecy? Would you tell your wife what you think she already knows? or would you keep hiding "it" anyway? Just curious.
noturtypicalwife is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th December 2006, 12:08 PM   #2
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,980
GOOD Question!

Just like lastnight, my bf was venting, and he said "i feel like i don't own my life right now. I ccan't tell you what that means.. but just know that i love you!!!"

Like WTF? That statement is still bugging the crap out of me! It keeps running through my mind..

He always says that he never keeps anything
from me.... but none the less, that statement sounded soooo huge, yet he expects me to take it with a grain of salt and forget about it? This comming from the mouth of the man that wants to marry me..

I'm with you sister, I don't get why men are sooo secretive
Lostgurl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th December 2006, 12:24 PM   #3
WTF
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 18
i'll tell you why.

women get mad at certain things and we wnat to avoid getting bitched at.

So we hide things. For example, my ex didn't smoke pot, but I did, so if she new i smoked that day, she gets all huffy and puffy and puts a whole somber attitude. Totaly ruins the day. We can't have a good time because now shes in a mood. So.......I hid it from her.

I does'nt have to be pot, it could be playing poker, having a drinking, buying somthing for himself( as long as it's not expensive).

The list goes on, thats why we hide things, it avoids small hissy fits.

But remember, Heavy drinking, HEAVY gambling or Heavy drug use should never be tolerated.
WTF is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th December 2006, 12:38 PM   #4
Established Member
 
laRubiaBonita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Up your Butt (!)
Posts: 8,208
Quote:
Originally Posted by WTF View Post
I does'nt have to be pot, it could be playing poker, having a drinking, buying somthing for himself( as long as it's not expensive).

But remember, Heavy drinking, HEAVY gambling or Heavy drug use should never be tolerated.
Hence our confusion on what the hell you just meant?!
__________________
‎"I am willing to move out of my comfort zone and experience life in a new way." ~ Louise L. Hay
laRubiaBonita is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th December 2006, 12:43 PM   #5
Established Member
 
Kinger25's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 103
My BF hides Text Messages that he sends to a girl that he used to be madly in love with. If he phones her he doesn't tell me and if he ever saw her for a chat there is no way that I would know about it unless someone else tells me. Now THATS bugging !!!
Kinger25 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th December 2006, 12:47 PM   #6
Established Member
 
laRubiaBonita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Up your Butt (!)
Posts: 8,208
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kinger25 View Post
My BF hides Text Messages that he sends to a girl that he used to be madly in love with. If he phones her he doesn't tell me and if he ever saw her for a chat there is no way that I would know about it unless someone else tells me. Now THATS bugging !!!
but who is standing for it and allowing him to do it?
laRubiaBonita is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th December 2006, 12:48 PM   #7
Established Member
 
My Fair Katie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Research Triangle Park, NC
Posts: 588
I hide things too.

Sometimes stuff magically appears in my closet. If asked I'll come clean, but I don't go out of my way to bring attention the fact that I bought another pair of shoes (before people go off on me it's with MY money and I don't buy shoes that are a bigillion dollar Jimmy Chos, my husband just happens to think I have way too many pairs).

Also, I hide the fact that I watch those stupid VH1 celebreality TV shows. I keep another channel like CNN on the channel recall and switch over if I hear him coming downstairs.

Things my husband hides, probably nudey pictures. Sometimes when he's working from home I'll catch him playing a video game before he hits the KVM switch.

We hide those little things about ourselves that we don't necessarily like or would just be a tad embarrassed to admit to.

Now if he were hiding bigger things from me, like banging the neighbor or something, THEN we'd have a problem.

I don't believe necessarily that married people must have FULL disclosure. We're a team, but we're still individuals.
__________________
Nessun maggior dolore che ricordarsi del tempo felice nella miseria.
My Fair Katie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th December 2006, 12:54 PM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 52,169
MFK is right. And just because you're married it doesn't mean you have to share every thought, every little thing you do during the day.
It's quite normal to hide little unimportant things but as long as it's not harmful to your spouse and marriage.
whichwayisup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th December 2006, 12:55 PM   #9
New Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 1
Men hide things for the same reasons that women hide things--

They feel that you knowing could be damaging to them in some way (even if it just means that they would be annoyed by your response).

Or they feel that you knowing could be damaging to you in that it might hurt or scare you.
thunderman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th December 2006, 12:56 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 52,169
My example of that is times in the summer. I know I smoke more outside as it's nice out there...I'll have a smoke, then afew mins later want another one. Why would I tell my husband, I'm heading outside for another smoke and wait for his answer? (Which would be "you just had a smoke why go out and have another one?") He doesn't smoke so I only smoke outside. DO I really wanna hear him bitch at me that I'm smoking too much and that I don't need that other cigerette? Ofcourse I don't, so I don't tell him I had two.
whichwayisup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th December 2006, 1:22 PM   #11
Member
 
noturtypicalwife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 44
Exclamation

I have heard the whole "I own nothing in my life, actually his exact words were "nothing is mine, I want stuff of my own." I was seriously hurt to have him even suggest such a thing...afterall this computer is his, yes we(the kids and I) use it, but 90% of the time he is on it. The only item that I own is my underwear and bra, my kids or he own everything else, so how dare he say that!..
I hate the secrecy, we used to talk about everything, tell eachother everything, even the stupid things, even if it hurt the other we always agreed we would tell. I feel so stupid and niave to think it could stay that way.
The secrecy he has is more than just a tinsy little thing, he takes this computer in the bathroom for crying out loud! He once said to me that he doesn't tell me things because it turns into an argument and he just shuts himself off to it. OK REALLY now, what if I did that to him, what if all the times he makes me feel like I couldn't even spell my name right I just shut him out, and ignored him and his feelings?
When does a midlife crisis start for a man? Maybe thats an issue among others he seems to be having.
Whats with the bi-polorish mood swings?
noturtypicalwife is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th December 2006, 1:30 PM   #12
bab
Established Member
 
bab's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Mid West
Posts: 1,391
I hide how many cokes I drink during the day, and what I time I actually ventured into the office. H has a set schedule at work, so it's frustrating to him to hear that I got to sleep for an extra 2 hrs. I also don't really like to share the erotica that I read with my H, just like he clears the history after he looks at porn.

And I try to get him to keep secret the amount of money he's spending on individual items related to his hobby. I've already approved of the final amount, but when he tells me how much he spends on each item it freaks me out. I keep telling him not to tell me these things, but he's a sharer. (Interpretation: He talks ALOT )

I don't know. A little secrecy is exciting as long as like MFK said, it isn't, I'm bangin' the neighbor.
__________________
--Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows--
bab is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th December 2006, 1:37 PM   #13
Established Member
 
Kinger25's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 103
"but who is standing for it and allowing him to do it? "

And how exactly do you suggest that I stop him ??? I'm his Girlfriend, NOT his keeper.
Kinger25 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th December 2006, 1:38 PM   #14
Established Member
 
JackJack's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Right Here
Posts: 3,827
i'll tell you why.

women get mad at certain things and we wnat to avoid getting bitched at.

This is true, SOMETIMES, thats not always the case though. I have known menwho hide things from their wives, and they don't bitch or nag them about anything, its just the way some people are. Wheather they fear a woman will give them the third degree or not, some men hide things because they know theres certain things they shouldn't be doing, period. Most of the time, hiding things is learned in childhood. Don't want mom or dad to ground us for this and that, so we lie or hide things. Bascialy we have a choice to hide it or not.
__________________
"Adult love is built on mutual interest, care and respect - not on one-way emotional rescues. And mothering is for kids. Not grown people."
JackJack is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 15th December 2006, 1:41 PM   #15
Established Member
 
JackJack's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Right Here
Posts: 3,827
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kinger25 View Post
"but who is standing for it and allowing him to do it? "

And how exactly do you suggest that I stop him ??? I'm his Girlfriend, NOT his keeper.

You're allowing it by continuing to stand for it. NO, you are NOT the cause of it, but by you knowing what he is doing, and staying with him, you allow it. Does he know you know about the texts? Espiecally if he knows you know but you stay with him anyway, he is getting away with doing whatever he wants ,and maybe more. Have you talked with him about this?
JackJack is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
What does he have to hide? NoLiesPlease Marriage & Life Partnerships 14 13th December 2006 1:17 AM
anyone have a rock i can hide under? chelbell5 Dating 2 2nd March 2006 7:54 PM
Does he has something to hide? JeT'Aime Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy 10 14th December 2005 11:58 AM
BF wants me to hide my car from jealous ex almostthere Dating 5 13th September 2005 11:24 PM
Wanting someone who doesnt hide things!!! clandestinidad Dating 11 4th December 2004 8:32 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 4:03 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.