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Meeting online love for the first time


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

 
 
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Old 18th June 2006, 3:14 PM   #1
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Meeting online love for the first time

I am meeting my man in 3 weeks!i am flying from quebec, canada.....to austin, texas to see him....
we have been talking online for about 3 years....just friends at first....but a few months ago we decided to 'date' ....so i am making the trip. i have never been so nervous....
i know i love him and that he loves me.....but things online can be SO different then when you meet in person.
i love what we have now....and after we meet i dont want it to change. i know there is a chance that things could go badly (hopefully it wont)...
i need advice on what to do during a first meeting?

please help
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Old 18th June 2006, 4:45 PM   #2
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You may not like this. Meet at a neutral place and in public. The airport might be a good start. Make sure you have your own transportation so you're not reliant upon him to get around. Don't go to his home and don't let him come to your hotel unless the relationship really seems and feels right and that should not be a matter of hours but of days, at the very least.

He may well be all he's portrayed himself to be. Then again, he may be married, a sexual predator, an addict or some other form of loser. You only know what he's told you and nothing more. If I was you I'd "run" him on one of the internet background checks before the visit just to be on the safe side. Make sure you can use your return airfare at any time. Keep a charged cell phone with you at all times and don't be afraid to dial 911 if things start to go badly.

I'll risk saying that you don't really love him. You love the idea of what he's told you about himself and how he's portrayed himself to you in an anonymous manner. The reality may not be lovable at all. be prepared for that and don't expect too much. Treat this like you would any first date only even more carefully because you've never met him before.

All that being said, if he's legitimate, I hope you have a great time.
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Old 18th June 2006, 6:16 PM   #3
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Please do be very careful. I saw a tv show once (60 Minutes or one of those types, I think) where a young woman had been 'in love' with some guy online for even longer. She was going to go meet him. The TV show checked him out. He was married, living in a trailer, broke, and I think even in trouble with the law. But for six years he managed to fool her into thinking he was someone else entirely.

Your guy might be fine - but just in case he's not, be extremely careful. And don't go with how you 'feel'. Very smart women have still fallen for bad guys. If you get a bad gut reaction, pay attention, but not everyone does so also keep your eyes open and make sure his behaviour jibes with what he's said about himself.
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Old 18th June 2006, 10:34 PM   #4
 
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I wish you good luck and please come back to respond on this thread.
If it was a good thing or a bad thing. Im interested in the details.

Be careful. Im also planning on meeting my special someone later this year.
Im also worried bad things might happen to me when I see her at that time.

mmm.... In this case, I would let someone know where youre going.
If you dont reply back in X number of days, tell them to start looking for you.

Wishing you the best in this,

- ConfusedGeek
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Old 18th June 2006, 10:50 PM   #5
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I agree with everybody else. And bring a cell phone. Better to be safe than sorry.

Not to freak you out or doubt your instincts...But weird **** happens, like those shows have shown.
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Old 18th June 2006, 10:58 PM   #6
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I also met my love online. We talked online for about 6 or 7 months and then met in person and then fell in love. Falling in love online is, well I don't even know how to put it. I don't see how that is possible. When you love someone, you love everything about them, the way they smell, the way they feel, the way they look at you, the cute little things they do, the way they watch your lips when your talking... these are all things you must experience while in the company of the person.

I agree with all the others. Be careful, meet in a very public place and plan on going somewhere public for the rest of the day. Where are you staying? A hotel? His home? Don't think just because he wants you to come meet him that he doesn't already have a family and is married, it happens all the time. I'm not trying to dampen your excitement, just look at everything that could go wrong and make a mental note of it. Have someone like a close friend call every so often to see where you are and how you are doing. Check in with this person regularly and make it known that if you don't call back within so long a period of time for them to contact police. Give them addresses and locations. It's just better to be safe then sorry. I did this with a friend when I first met my SO.

Hopefully all will go well and you we will hear back from you in a awhile saying you had a lovely time and everything went well!! GOod luck!!
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Old 18th June 2006, 11:07 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BabyCanuck
i know i love him and that he loves me....
ah yes, falling in love online - it feels like the real thing does'nt it? sometimes even MORE so...well it's not.

you've shared ZERO face-time together - that's not real love.

I DO hope your visit goes well though, but just be aware he may be alot different than you hoped for.

good luck
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Old 19th June 2006, 12:19 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon
You only know what he's told you and nothing more. If I was you I'd "run" him on one of the internet background checks before the visit just to be on the safe side.(...)You love the idea of what he's told you about himself and how he's portrayed himself to you in an anonymous manner.
Oh wow the day has come that I disagree with you -meant to look like a shocked not eek face-

Not that the advice you gave isn't good, I think it's brilliant on the safety measures, I just disagree with the label of "anonymous" when it comes to someone she has known for THREE years.

T'sA you have a point on falling in love after people meet face to face but I think in some case it can be "falling deeper in love". Also you can, as I can and so many others (LK?) confirm that at the point of meeting it was far from "anonymous".

BabyCanuck, do take what precautions seem necessary to you but please don't get more involved with the safety planning than the normal plans. As for practical advice on what to do... Do bet on a first few hours of awkwardness and don't have anything scheduled for right then, such as opera tickets the second you get off the plane Rather bet on a long walk and some food during that interval and then plan with him for further. What I found helps is to try and not overly-talk the potential details with him, you'll both be playing the first meeting in your head over and over till it happens but the less of a fixed image you have the hardest it will be to be disappointed.

Good luck to you!
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Old 19th June 2006, 12:31 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexandra
Oh wow the day has come that I disagree with you -meant to look like a shocked not eek face-
I know someone that was beginning an online relationship..( they were already at the point of meeting ) she ran his phone number thru a background check and whamo.. he was 16 years older than he had told her..

She was glad she did it..

So running a background check is wise sometimes
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Old 19th June 2006, 12:41 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Art_Critic
I know someone that was beginning an online relationship..( they were already at the point of meeting ) she ran his phone number thru a background check and whamo.. he was 16 years older than he had told her..

She was glad she did it..

So running a background check is wise sometimes
Again, did we all read the same thing?

Quote:
we have been talking online for about 3 years
I don't disagree that all combinations of unsafe circumstances are possible but isn't that the case in all relationships?

And also I think there's something to be said for the breach in trust that doing a background check brings. OSR -online started relationships- require a greater amount of trust invested due to many a factors including society's reluctance at accepting this manner of meeting a partner and that investment is fragile till meeting someone face to face and it can very easily be hurt by hiring a PI or snooping before the relationship has even had a chance to begin properly. I for one haven't and would never do it. It's tempting, yes, but it's not worth it.
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Old 19th June 2006, 12:48 AM   #11
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I happen to disagree with the assessment that just because it has been 3 years that he hasn't lied to her or that she knows all about him to be considered safe.

There are people here on LS that I have known for over a year and know them online as well as the thru the phone and I still have no idea who they are.

I do trust them.. and I trust they have always spoke the truth with me.. but unless I have a face to face relationship then I will never really know

Last edited by Art_Critic; 19th June 2006 at 12:52 AM..
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Old 19th June 2006, 12:56 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Art_Critic
but unless I have a face to face relationship then I will never really know
bingo.....
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Old 20th June 2006, 1:48 PM   #13
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I finally met the guy i had been talking to for over 2 yrs on the net... this Feb... over the course of the years we started out as friends... so much in commeon etc. Well i had mentioned to him once, that a dream of mine was to swim with dolphines in Cancun.... when we finally thought the time was right to actually take the step and meet! he said... lets do it in Cancun!!...... anyway, to cut a long story short... he paid for me to go over and he made sure that i had the holiday of a life time! i swam with the dolphines i visited Chichzen Itza i para sailed went on a jungle safari and snorkled the list of activities he had planned was endless!!... we got on amazingly well the whole trip (i knew we would)... so now!!! well i am hopefully going over to Toronto in August for 2 weeks and i cant wait to see him again .... dont know if this helps you? but i just wanted to point out that not all internet meetings are dangerous or end badly... some actually turn out great (maybe i was just lucky? who knows? )

Good luck to you anyway, i hope it all ends in smiles for you and not tears
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Old 20th June 2006, 1:58 PM   #14
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Ofcourse not all online romances/friendships end up bad or going weird...But it's good to be weary of people abit because you never really know 100% if that person is sane or not.

Listen to your gut, because that's all you have when it comes down to it. If something doesn't feel right or you're weirded out, chances are something IS off.
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Old 20th June 2006, 2:07 PM   #15
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i agree totally with the gut instinct statement..... we never really know what they will be like in 'real' life! but sometimes you have to throw caution to the wind and just go with it! thats what i thought anyway ... i didnt want to spend years thinking 'what if '... and to be honest, if i had listened to all the people around me at the time, i would never have gone in the first place ... being warey is good, but listening to mass hysteria sometimes can put you off ... be safe, be careful and above all be yourself
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