dgbpjc Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 i am in a long distance relationship for 8 years. for the last three months he has been chating on the phone with women on 800 numbers. I pay the phone bill so i found this out without him knowing. when i approched him he said he was lonely and needed someone to talk to because i was busy. he also siad it ment nothing. he watches alot of pron which i am fine with. what does it really mean when your guy talks on chat lines. he siad he will never meet them but...... Link to post Share on other sites
leopardprint Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 I'm not sure about this but, aren't those 800 numbers for phone sex? Do you usually have phone sex with him? Maybe that's all he's looking for? Link to post Share on other sites
avoidant Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 i am in a long distance relationship for 8 years. for the last three months he has been chating on the phone with women on 800 numbers. I pay the phone bill so i found this out without him knowing. when i approched him he said he was lonely and needed someone to talk to because i was busy. he also siad it ment nothing. he watches alot of pron which i am fine with. what does it really mean when your guy talks on chat lin0.es. he siad he will never meet them but...... This man doesn't love you and i am sure you know that in your head but your heart is not getting the picture and/or u r willing to stay involved with someone who doesn't care ('Been there...). Pornography is a very dangerous thing - it perverts a person's sexuality entirely;our sexuality is a gift from God. God intended sex to be an intimate act of love and sharing between two married people - only then is it good and healthy and life-giving. i know (all too well) it is hard to always live by God's laws and say no to waht seems to come so naturally, but it pays off in the end - because when you do things God's way, you don't have to live with guilt, shame, regret, VD, AIDS, a broken-heart and possibly suicidal tendencies because someone ditched you... and even if u do things the way God wants and marry someone who later changes on you, leaves the Church, etc... at least you have your relationship with God to fall back on. He is the only One who will never leave or forsake you... Why reject His perfect love to go chasing after the love of imperfect, selfish human beings who always disappoint 1 way or the other??? Link to post Share on other sites
avoidant Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 Sex is over-rated... Romance is too... What is really needed is people who are committed to one another and live the way God wants them to... difficult, but not impossible... Link to post Share on other sites
aleatoryd Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 While I agree with you avoidant I think it's best to focus on the poster's problem. And yes avoidant is spot on here. Sex does not equal love or intimacy - it is the product of both in a healthy relationship but too many people see it is defining the relationship. Wrong. When you look to physical gratifaction to satisfy your desire for "completeness" well that just isn't going to happen. Sex covers up the cracks in relationships until one day it all breaks out. If there are problems in your relationship they have been there from the start. The foundation for a good relationship is trust, intimacy, commitment, respect, communication - the knowing of another person not their body. It is also about meeting each others needs and wants. Sometimes it is knowing when to talk about problems. Other times it's realising it's time to let go and move on. Pornography is a very destructive habit to get into. It devalues women (and men) and the whole act of sex into a physical pleasure much like a nice meal. Something which you enjoy but you get it, take it and consume without thinking about where it came from, who prepared it, how it was made etc. Okay not the best analogy! Basically you lose respect for your sexual partner as she just fulfils something you want. The whole act is just sex. It is not love making. There is a big difference. People who turn to sex hotlines and pornograpgy will blame their partner for not satisfying them and make demands. Do you picture yourself as a machine giving sex on demand? Does your boyfriend love you to blame you? Just because he will never meet these phone or porn people doesn't mean he's happy with you or he wouldn't cheat on you given half the chance. I fear this guy neither respects you nor your body - which is probably all you are to him. I'd consider either talking it through and deciding what you both want out of a relationship - honestly see if you want to stay in it. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Tangerina Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 You guys are harsh!!! I agree with the poster that having phone sex with strangers is boarderline cheating, but it doesn't mean that her longtime boyfriend doesn't value or love her for more than her body. Whatever! I'm not saying what he did was right, because if it isn't within the accepted boundaries of the relationship then it is extremely disrespectful (boarderline cheating?!?!) but don't jump on him for looking at porn because it sounds as if she is ok with it so he isn't doing anything sneaky or hurtful. Just because someone looks at porn doesn't make them a sex maniac who is incapable of having a loving relationship with a real women. "People who turn to sex hotlines and pornograpgy will blame their partner for not satisfying them and make demands. Do you picture yourself as a machine giving sex on demand? Does your boyfriend love you to blame you? Just because he will never meet these phone or porn people doesn't mean he's happy with you or he wouldn't cheat on you given half the chance. I fear this guy neither respects you nor your body - which is probably all you are to him." This is like 50 generalizations, which of course are probably true for some people, but just because someone watches porn it doesn't make these things true about them. My boyfriend loves porn but it is just a tool to help him get off like my vibrator is for me..... because we have these little tricks when we are alone (long distance relationships are sad) doesn't mean that we are dependent on them. When we are together it is about US, as people, together, in love, real people, with our emotions intact, thank you very much, and the rest is just something to pass the time when we are apart. Sorry, I just felt bad for the poster, everone here is trying to make it seem like her BF is a devil who couldn't walk down the street without tripping over his own tongue as he drools after some anonymous girl... having said that you guys need ot have a serious talk about this and both of you need to set the boundaries of what you can live with. IF you can't live with him calling chatlines and he can't live with not calling chatlines, then it is probably quits... but if he didn't realize how much it would hurt you and it isn't that important to him then he will probably stop now that he knows it is so important to you.... and it would probably be a good time to talk about any other problems/things that are lacking in the relationship.... maybe you two could try phone sex, if you are both comfortable with it..... Link to post Share on other sites
parentdetective Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 I might have missed something. but did you just ask about it??? Link to post Share on other sites
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