can 2º chances exist in LDRs??

[Princess1975]

Hi.. I'm just wondering if any of you has had a 2º chance in your LDR??

 

My story is a long one, but to make it short we were together for almost 1.5ys, he lives in FL and I live in Mexico, but we would meet every 5-6wks.

 

Everything was great, but then I guess he started to freak out, mainly bc he thought we needed to take next step (he said that) and he wasn't sure about it. So I guess he has this conflict between me (he's told me I'm his perfect girl and that he'll never find someone like me again) and his freedom.

 

The last 6wks were like hell, mainly for we hadn't seen each other in 9 wks, so I kept pushing him to visit me and he would get pissed and stuff.

 

We ended up having a lot of prb's (he felt pressured, i went on vac's w/friends and he got pissed, he met some other girl and I found out - nothing happend btwn them -...).. When I found out about the other girl I freaked out (we had just be together 2 days before, and he'd promised he'll change and asked me for time to demonstrate me that he loved and cared about me) and just call him, confronted him and since we couldn't talk much, I ended up leaving a voice mail dumping him.

 

We then talked and he said he was tired of the dramas and probs we were living so he wanted no relationchip whatsoever..

 

We didn't have contact for 2wks, then I sent him a mail, he called and we talked again and I poured my heart out (I was in for another try, forgetting about everything) and he said he also loves me a lot but that he is confused (there's no one else involved), but mainly for he says that whenever we are together everything is great and perfect, but when we are apart, there' s a lot of trouble so he doesn't want to get back to the same stuff.. He said he was not emotionally OK and just asked me for time to sort his feelings..

 

We exchanged emails last friday (just friendly notes that I was thinking about him and wished him a nice day and he did the same) and he said he was going to call me tonight.. Do you really think this might work?? I'm willing to go visit him to talk thing face-to-face...

 

I must not forget to tell you he graduated 3ys ago (he's 29) and lives in Miami, so the place and friends are not good helpers... Any advice?? Stories someone can share with me?? I really am hoping for the best, so I really appreciate any input..

 

Thanx guys!!

[sean001]

I'm in your situation right now -- with the same problem with my girl.

 

Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of hope that when things *end* in this situation, that it will be easy to rekindle. There's no opportunity for a "chance" meeting --everything requires such planning and anticipation. However, I have no experience with it and I hope that someone else will share it with both of us!

 

I will say that I've come to the conclusion that reassurance is very much necessary in sustaining an LDR. I haven't been getting much lately and for many of the same reasons you mentioned.

 

I also think that in order for these situations to move forward, that at some point we both have to be willing to live in the same zip code (or at least the same area code!)

 

That topic has been very much absent lately. I'm losing heart myself.

[Cupcake]

I've been in an LDR. Unfortunately, a second chance is very slim in these situations. They usually end for problems evolving around the distance. In order for a second chance, both partners have to be willing to deal with the problems and the distance. That is highly unlikely, otherwise, you never would have broken up in the first place.

 

However, there is hope when the two of you haven't completely let go and continue some type of communication. But this can be risky when love is involved. Because there is a 50/50 chance. Personally, I was unable to deal with being reduced to 2cnd place in my XBF's life while unsure of rather I would ever be #1 again.

 

Despite my feelings, I held on while he dated someone else for 8 months. After that, I realized that a second chance with him was unrealistic. The other woman lived in closer to him.

 

LDR's tak a lot of love, trust, and respect because more effort has to be placed in making the relationship work. If both partners don't have these for each other, it won't work, PERIOD. Because there won't be enough momentum to keep it going. And it takes twice as much momentum to get it back after it stops. Hope this helps!

[Hunnytree]

So did he call you ??

 

If you are the one initializing the contacts, you are probably trying too hard.

 

If he is initializing contact with you, then he is still interested and wants to work on this.

[Princess1975]

Yes hunnytree, he did called me.. This last week he called me 3 times and has iniated contact with me everyday through msn. Last thursday we both agreed in considering a 2º chance but will take it slowly...step-by-step!

 

It has also helped that last week (during the week before he started contacting me), I met a wonderful guy. Bad thing is that he also lives far away (Spain), so we just met and 2 days after he left.

 

What's good about this is that yes, I really want to get back with my ex but nothing happened until I stopped pursuing him....and when I finally did, he started responding.. Sean, try this!! ; ) I'll keep you posted guys as how it all ended...

 

Good luck to you all and thanx for your opinions..

[Princess1975]

Hey guys!!! I just wanted to let you know I'm SUPER HAPPY!! We are back together!! =) He came down to visit me this past weekend (he planned his trip like in 3 days), we talked things over and just decided we would give it a try again.. Like I said before, we started talking 3 weeks ago, everything was going great (no more bad moments and stuff) and he decided this past week he'll come down.. He came, we talked and we are back together!!

 

So, I can say 2° chances DO existe in LDR's too... So if you are in my situation I can say that if there's love, you definitely have to do as much as you can to save ytou relationship, doesn't matter if it's a LDR!! You can get him/her back....without a doubt!! This past weekend was as if we never were apart - it was just perfect!!! =)