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Is he cheating or am I being overly paraniod??


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Ok, so i am having a dilemma, and i am looking for some answers if anyone can help me...

I am 19 and my boyfriend of 8 months is 22.. We just went on vacation with my family, and are now entering the longest part of our long distance relationship, about 9 weeks..

The problem is that while i am away, i am worried that he will cheat. I asked him if he was planning on seeing other women while i was gone and he said no...

 

 

But....he has a girl at work that he messages and talks to.. Yes, he told her that i was his girlfriend, i was there when he said it, but he still calls her BooBoo and Baby in text messages. (i know because i have looked)... SHe knows a lot about me, and he has pictures of me and him at work, so i am thinking that she might just be a female friend that he is really close with......(Im hoping)

And there is someone else, that just moved down the street from him, and now works at the same place as him, and they are friends. He told me that they are going to be studying for work together, and i know that they go to lunch while at work. But i have met her, and they DO seem like "just friends"

 

 

I am basically just worried that while i am away he will play, and with one of those girls. He tells me that he loves me all the time, he actually said it just 5 months into the relationship (which i was really suprised by)... And I love him too, that is why i am so worried... I am in college and that is why i am away for the summer... So, am I being overly worried? Or do you think that i have signifigant reason to be nervous??

 

 

He talks about marriage, and kids, and this trusting thing is really bothering me.......I just cant get the worst case senario thing out of my mind!!! And he knows that i worry about our relationship.. He can always tell....

 

Thank you for your replies!!!!!

 

 

He calls all the time to tell me what he is doing, at least 3 times a day, we text message, and call, and IM, and use the webcam.. I just feel like I HAVE to trust him to make the right decisions, i just dont know if i DO....

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I am sure he is being faithful. If he is discussing a future with you (like having children and marriage) then i'm sure that he is most definitely devoted to no-one but you.

 

I think if this is really playing on your mind, maybe you can ask him straight out? Atleast this will put your mind at ease and you will then feel better about the situation.

 

I'm not sure about the name calling. If he called her 'hun' or something like that, I wouldnt see much of a problem with it, but having multiple names like 'baby' and 'booboo' seems abit over the top.

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scarlyjones

I dunno,.............friends dont call eachother baby or boo boo generally.

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First of all....if he does cheat on you with one of these girls, what will you do about it? Will you break up with him?

 

Why are you worrying about it? If he does it, he does it, and you deal with it. If he doesn't do it, he doesn't do it, and you've put strain on your relationship for nothing.

 

My grandma always said, "If she can take him, I don't want him."

 

I think that's great advice.

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scarlyjones

totally !!!

 

I have always said this. If he or she leaves you,..then good,...its better to have the cheating type, cheat, and then you get rid of them . They did you a favor then.

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Thank you for your advice..

 

 

I have been thinking it over a lot lately, and nothing in our relationship has really changed since i have been gone, so I am decided that i will not worry about something that is probably nothing..

 

 

Besides, being away from one another really puts the relationship in perspective, and since he has known these girls since BEFORE we started dating and became a couple, i doubt that he would start anything while i am away, and only for 9 weeks...

 

 

Thanks for all your opinions, and keep them coming!!!!!! :)

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Originally posted by scarlyjones

I dunno,.............friends dont call eachother baby or boo boo generally.

 

I have decided to start calling you BooBoo, Scarly.

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scarlyjones
Originally posted by New_Wife

I have decided to start calling you BooBoo, Scarly.

 

 

Thats my full name. Scarly J. BooBoo. :cool::p:laugh:

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I noticed that he allows you to read his texts, I think thats another thing, he lets you look because he has nothing to hide. :)

 

Thats good that in your time away you've been able to put your relationship into perspective. I guess that you got a little insecure what with being away for a while and knowing that he has female friends at work. Don't worry though, it sounds like things will be okay and i'm sure that all is fine actually. :D

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The only thing about the texts, is that i just looked in his phone, he didnt know... I used it (he knew about that) and then just went into the messages section and started reading..... :( That is my fault....

 

 

BUt i DO know that he is friends with these girls, and they DO know that i am his girlfriend.... SOit isnt like he is keepig me in the dark about them.......

 

 

Another thing is that over half of his friends are girls he has said..... And on more than one occassion he has basically "hung out" with me and my girl friends watching movies and dyeing hair and all that, and never acted out of place... So, could it be that he is just more comfortable with females? (I do have girl friends that say that they are much more comfortable around guys then they are girls)......COUld that be what it is with him? Please, i hope so....

 

 

:)

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hehe checked his messages eh :p Don't worry, i'd let my g/f check my messages as i've got nothing to hide.

 

Okay, all his female friends know about you and by the sounds of it nothing is going on with him and them. I have a few females on my msn list, and my gf hates it as she thinks that they want me or that I will want them. This is not the case, I feel happier recieving advice from females than males - it seems like boys are reluctant to show a 'sensitive' side, so I can only really do that with females. Maybe thats the same with your b/f?

 

Atleast he doesnt feel out of place when out with you and your girlies! hehe

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Thank you very much for your advice airbus...

 

I really do want this relationship to work out (i actually just got off the phone with him) :) And that is why I think i fret about all these probably innocent things... Becuase i am NOT there, ya know??

 

 

I mean, he calls everyday before and after work, and then when he gets home from wherever he went (eating, hanging out, etc). If he didnt care or didnt want me to care, then i guess he wouldnt contact me as often right??? And he wouldnt tell me if this one girl was hanging out with he and his buddies, if something was going on, right???

 

 

Ok, i am going to stop worrying myself so much.... Thank you again... I have to sign off before i start making situations up :) Nite :)

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Hey,

 

Glad to hear that you are starting to see that you need not worry! I agree, you worry because you're not there, i'm the same with my g/f. It's just a minor insecurity, but it also means that you have feelings. My g/f is quite the same aswell actually. :p

 

As he calls you so regularly and tells you who he has been hanging out with, I think theres no need to worry. He isnt keeping any secretes, and thats great! :)

 

I hope that you are feeling better today! :cool:

 

Ashley

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Thank you for your advice airbus....

I think that just talking things like this out and getting others opinions are easier than worrying about silly things all by yourself, ya know??

 

:)

 

PS... I am feeling much better today... Right now actually i dont really have time to think about it as much, with work... Before when i was off on vacation, i would sit there and think up stupid reasons... We are both going to be sooo much better now that i can work again! :)

 

 

AND, last night he called at like 2 in the morning to tell me he was leaving his guy friends house... And i was like "baby, im sleeping!!!!" hahahaha... now the tables are turned!! J/K. :)

 

Thanks again.....

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Ahhh....

I am so confused and hurt right now that i dont know what to think...

So, my boyfriend didnt call me like usual after work, so i called him..

He answered and when i asked him if he was still at work he said that he was over at a girl friends house watching Will and Grace....I said that i didnt want to bother him and that he could just call me when he got home, so he said, "we are already on the phone, so whats up?" and told him to just call me when he got back to his apartment...

I dont know what to think! Because he told me that he was with her maybe he really has nothing to hide, but maybe he is cheating right in front of my face.. And i am not there to find out....

I am just so sad.. I dont know how to feel.....

Help me please..

I really do believe him when he says that he loves me, i just dont know if i can handle him hanging out with this girl while i am gone!!!!

HELP!!!!

 

Now he just text me and told me "sorry baby. I will call as soon as I get home. " What now!?!?!?!

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Ok, so we just got off the phone after talking it out, and he understood how i felt... Yet he assured me that she was in his circle of friends, and that there are 3 very good reasons not to hook up with her, and I trusted him.

So, i think that i should stop posting.. I need to focus on working on my jealousy, so that I dont ruin anything between us...

 

 

So, thank you to everyone who has given me advice, whether i wanted to hear it or not, ya know??

 

:)

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Hi

 

Thats good that you got to talk it out with him and that he understands. I think you are right, just focus on your jealous and insecurity. I think what you need to do is not expect to completely rid yourself of jealousy and insecurity, but actually try to teach yourself to manage it. I am currently having counselling for that reason, I am trying to learn how to manage my insecurity.

 

What you could do is when you are faced with a situation, note your thoughts or theories down, and re-read them to see how silly that your ideas may sound. This can often work out well and eventually you can learn to overcome or atleast manage your insecurities.

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You know, now that I look at how i reacted last night, i am actually proud of myself, for telling him how i felt, and listening to his opinion.. He understood how i could feel that way, and hearing him reassure me that nothing was going to happen made me feel better... I know that having these issues can ruin a relationship, and last night i explained to him that i do trust him and that i have gotten better at it since we first met, and he said that he had seen the difference, and that is why he wouldnt mess it up;....

 

 

So, all that you can do is trust, and that is what i plan on doing... :)

 

And you are right, airbus, today when i woke up and thought about how i reacted last night, i felt really silly, for getting so upset.. I mean, i was crying and got a horrible stomachache, and everything... it was bad....and over nothing. :)

 

 

HA!!!!

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Originally posted by balletgirl

The only thing about the texts, is that i just looked in his phone, he didnt know... I used it (he knew about that) and then just went into the messages section and started reading..... :( That is my fault....

 

Just a word of advice, don't EVER do that again. When my boyfriend and I were in the beginning of our LDR (we've been together for almost 4 years now, long-distance), I used to check his phone to see if he was talking to other girls. Sure enough, he was. But it definitely wasn't what I was thinking. Yes, he has girl FRIENDS, and yes, I have guy FRIENDS. I would see another girls name on his phone, and automatically jump to conclusions. I'd get upset about it for no reason. Trust is such a big issue in any relationship, but it's especially important in a LDR. I finally got to the point where I stopped checking his phone. And it was probably the best thing I could do. I got over my trust issues, and trust him completely now. I stopped wasting my time worrying about the "what-if's", because it was taking away from what little, precious time we had together.

 

As far as everything else, try not to worry about it so much. I know, easier said than done. But I feel like sometimes we just worry too much about all of these things that could be happening, etc. Sometimes things don't work out, sometimes they do. Just enjoy being with him, whether it be long-distance or not. If you harp all the time on how much it sucks being away from him, and all of the bad things, he's going to pull away from you. Make the best of the situation, it won't be forever.

 

I've been dating my boyfriend long-distance for almost 4 years now. We are 400 miles apart, and get to see each other about every 2-3 weeks for about 2 days. I'll be moving to be with him this next winter. It's been the most difficult relationship i've ever been in, but well worth it. So just hang in there, appreciate each other and the time you do have together, and try not to stress out too much about things you can't control.

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Hey

 

I'm glad that you are feeling better today! Thats excellent news! Atleast you both know where you stand now and therefore are much happier.

 

I text my g/f earlier telling her I was going to call her in 10mins, and when I did call it said 'call cannot be connected' I guess shes got her phone off, wonder what shes doing then? :(

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Hey there airbus...

Listen dont worry about what your g/f is doing.. there is nothing that you can do about what she is doing while her phone is off.. Maybe she has a very good reason, like a movie, or the battery is dead.. etc..

 

 

There is nothing that you can do except worry, and that is not healthy... .Just trust that if nothing has happened by now, it wont... Try and dont let yourself get too carried away, i know that it is hard, but try...

 

 

And good luck!!! :)

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Hey

 

I know, her phone was on charge! I'm still annoyed though because when she miss called me, I called her back and as we was talking she was moaning because her friend Gary that she goes clubbing with hasnt text her good night, which I thought was odd as she didnt have credit for the last few days. But then she told me she had been texting him off of her brothers phone. I don't really understand, she can't be bothered to text her b/f all week, but will text her 29yr old friend Gary everyday. Anyway, I was quite annoyed by that, and I mentioned someone from Liverpool adding me to msn, and she said 'was it a girl? if so, I want you to delete her!!!!' and she went off on one. It's just not fair :( I am not allowed female friends but she can text her male mate all the time every day, and not text me :(

 

Sorry, I don't mean to hog your topic.

 

Hows things with you?

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Hey airbus..

Sorry i havent been online in a few days.. went where there was no internet... Anyways....

I really think that it is just a friend thing.. Yeah, she was texting her guy friend, but im sure that it wasnt like, ALL weekend, maybe once or twice... And since he is there and they go out, then maybe they were organizing plans or something...

I was kinda upset with my guy becuase he didnt call right after work like usual, but ya know what i realized this weekend? When i was busy as well, and didnt really answer my phone, but called him back... He was calling more often, even to tell me the silly little things, things that normally dont really matter....When i wasnt waiting around for his call, that is...

So, i realuized that once he got the idea that i was off doing fun stuff too, suddenly he wanted to be there with me, more than when i was just sittting watching tv or not really doing anything. PLus, it gives you something to talk about more than just how their day was, and there is more to sharre...

Maybe that would be somethign to think about.. I mean, when my bf was calling me like 5 times a day, we werent really saying that much, cuz we talked so often.. But this weekend, we text each other like maybe 5 times the whole 3 days and talked actually on the phone once, but he left 5 messages... See what i mean??? :)

Dont let it worry you.. :)

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ya know, if people would stop being so damn concerned about things they cant change or things that are out of their control, relationships would be alot better..ya you might get cheated on, but its life...what can you do about it? You cant take back the moment that him and this other chick shared so toss him, and move on..life is all about experience, yeah it might hurt but in the end its all worth it..

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