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Need his understanding


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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  • 1 Post By d0nnivain
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Old 27th December 2017, 1:00 PM   #1
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Need his understanding

My boyfriend dislikes my mom and barely drives up here anymore. She likes him but he doesn't like her. He hates the way she treats me, she makes comments negative comments regularly, even to him, but the fact is she's mom. She's had a heart attack this year, he meds make her act out worse honestly. I don't know what to tell him to loosen up his judgement of her. She's not going to live forever and she's my last surviving parent. As much as I've hated her growing up I like having her around. I'm used to her negativity and can blow it off most of the time. He's more sensitive. What can I say to him to get him to relax a bit and not take her so seriously?
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Old 27th December 2017, 1:03 PM   #2
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You can't. This is your dysfunctional family dynamic & because he cares about you he does not enjoy seeing somebody hurt you. The best you can do is to get him to ignore her. Explain her nonsense rolls off your back so he needs to let it go because him pressuring you to abandon your mom after her heart attack makes things worse.

You probably need to do a better job enforcing boundaries with her & not letting her always treat you like crap
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Old 27th December 2017, 4:29 PM   #3
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I dont think theres anything you can say. If he doesnt want to drive up there, then you will have to go see him or meet him part way.
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Old 28th December 2017, 6:26 PM   #4
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It sounds like he has the good judgment not to want to spend time around/live with a negative and emotionally abusive woman. You can't really fault him for that.
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Old 4th January 2018, 3:00 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
You can't. This is your dysfunctional family dynamic & because he cares about you he does not enjoy seeing somebody hurt you. The best you can do is to get him to ignore her. Explain her nonsense rolls off your back so he needs to let it go because him pressuring you to abandon your mom after her heart attack makes things worse.

You probably need to do a better job enforcing boundaries with her & not letting her always treat you like crap
It's hard I try but she has zero respect for me, and declares she doesn't have to respect me the bible says honor thy mother and father. She condescending and rude. I'm on a wait list for housing, I'm low income so I can't afford market rate on my own. When I did move out I go so stressed financially I had a breakdown. Now I'm back at mom's.
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Old 4th January 2018, 3:03 PM   #6
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Why do you insist he be around her? Just let him stay home if that makes him more comfortable.
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