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Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 10th November 2017, 10:12 AM   #1
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I'm a mess.

Hey everyone.
So my boyfriend of 6 months has blocked me on facebook after our first real fight.
He didn't tell me that he was coming to my city with a few friends and I found out myself today and when I asked him if he was coming to Melbourne he flat out lied to me and said that he wasn't. It wasn't until he landed here that he admitted that his friends had organised a trip here and that there was no time in his schedule to meet with me at all.
I ended up sending him a text back that if he had let me know he was coming here but wouldn't be able to see me that I would have understood but since he lied to me I am quite upset. He seems to have gotten mad at me and blocked me on facebook as a result.
Am I right to be upset and a little angry over this? he's made me feel like I'm just being crazy. His last text was 8 hours ago telling me he would talk to me later. It's now 2:30am here.

This isn't my first LDR but I'm pretty sure it's his first. I don't think he understands how important honest communication in an LDR is...

I'm literally crying as I'm typing this. I have no one who i can talk to about this.
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Old 10th November 2017, 10:30 AM   #2
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Hey everyone.
So my boyfriend of 6 months has blocked me on facebook after our first real fight.
He didn't tell me that he was coming to my city with a few friends and I found out myself today and when I asked him if he was coming to Melbourne he flat out lied to me and said that he wasn't. It wasn't until he landed here that he admitted that his friends had organised a trip here and that there was no time in his schedule to meet with me at all.
I ended up sending him a text back that if he had let me know he was coming here but wouldn't be able to see me that I would have understood but since he lied to me I am quite upset. He seems to have gotten mad at me and blocked me on facebook as a result.
Am I right to be upset and a little angry over this? he's made me feel like I'm just being crazy. His last text was 8 hours ago telling me he would talk to me later. It's now 2:30am here.

This isn't my first LDR but I'm pretty sure it's his first. I don't think he understands how important honest communication in an LDR is...

I'm literally crying as I'm typing this. I have no one who i can talk to about this.
Please do NOT feel bad.

Look,

If the guy lied his ass off about something like this, what else has he lied to you about?

You know as well as I do that LDR's cannot work unless there is a boatload of trust and communication.

Thankfully for you it only took 6 months and one round of inquiry to find out he isn't worth a warm bucket of spit if he can't keep his word.

So go ahead and cry tonight, but in a couple of days you'll understand he did you a favor.

Guys who are invested in LDR's move Heaven and Earth in order to see their lover when they are in town. Not make excuses and lie like a rug. Life is too short for that nonsense.

You should thank him if you ever see him again for being the tool he is so you didn't have to waste any more time on a such a petty assed liar.
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Old 10th November 2017, 10:37 AM   #3
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I've said this hundreds of times on here already, LDR aren't for the weak. There are certain 'rules' that need to be respected otherwise you have about a snowball's chance in hell of making it work.

Communication is #1!

This guy not only sounds like a LDR newbie but just your average idiot boyfriend. Why not communicate? Why go to the trouble of lying? And then to block you after you confront him about it?

Yeah, sounds like a really awesome boyfriend.

I know this is painful and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this but as someone whose been in several LDR, this guy sounds like more work than you need.

How often do you see one another? How far away is he from you? How do you stay in contact with one another in between visits?
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Old 10th November 2017, 10:54 AM   #4
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I've said this hundreds of times on here already, LDR aren't for the weak. There are certain 'rules' that need to be respected otherwise you have about a snowball's chance in hell of making it work.

Communication is #1!

This guy not only sounds like a LDR newbie but just your average idiot boyfriend. Why not communicate? Why go to the trouble of lying? And then to block you after you confront him about it?

Yeah, sounds like a really awesome boyfriend.

I know this is painful and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this but as someone whose been in several LDR, this guy sounds like more work than you need.

How often do you see one another? How far away is he from you? How do you stay in contact with one another in between visits?
We have been seeing each other every couple of months. Last time was about a month ago when i went to spend the weekend with him. He's about an 8 hour drive from me (hour and 30 via plane) We "met" about a year ago through a MMORPG and for the first 3 months of our relationship it was a mix of voice chat via discord and texting/snapchat. after that he got very busy with work (9AM-12AM shifts. 6, sometimes 7 days a week) meaning he stopped playing WoW and the only communication was via text.

A little while ago i got a little upset with him over the fact that the only communication that we have now was text. His excuse was that he mostly communicates via text with just about everyone and I left it at that.
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Old 10th November 2017, 11:06 AM   #5
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We have been seeing each other every couple of months. Last time was about a month ago when i went to spend the weekend with him. He's about an 8 hour drive from me (hour and 30 via plane) We "met" about a year ago through a MMORPG and for the first 3 months of our relationship it was a mix of voice chat via discord and texting/snapchat. after that he got very busy with work (9AM-12AM shifts. 6, sometimes 7 days a week) meaning he stopped playing WoW and the only communication was via text.

A little while ago i got a little upset with him over the fact that the only communication that we have now was text. His excuse was that he mostly communicates via text with just about everyone and I left it at that.
Well that is disappointing.

8 hours drive is nothing as far as LDR go which makes me wonder why you're not seeing one another more than just every 2-3 months? Regardless...

He sounds immature. Texting or even SnapChat isn't a relationship no matter how you want to slice it.

Yes, texting and sending cute SnapChat pics are a great way to keep in touch through out the day but Skyping or even talking on the phone are kind of critical to any LDR.

He has a lot to learn about LDR.
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Old 10th November 2017, 11:08 AM   #6
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Considering a majority of his close friends are female I have not really had an issue. Although now that I think about it he spent the entire weekend last week with a "girl" friend. He never specifically said whether they were male or female, I found that out on my own.

He got blackout drunk with her Saturday night, (crashed at her place) spent all of Sunday with her and got home at 1AM Monday. Barely any texts from him the entire weekend.

It's probably a good thing that what we have seems to be ending. just typing all that has raised a massive red flag right in front of me.

Just for context he is 30 and I'm 24. I myself haven't gotten blackout drunk since my 21st birthday.
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Old 10th November 2017, 11:15 AM   #7
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Well that is disappointing.

8 hours drive is nothing as far as LDR go which makes me wonder why you're not seeing one another more than just every 2-3 months? Regardless...

He sounds immature. Texting or even SnapChat isn't a relationship no matter how you want to slice it.

Yes, texting and sending cute SnapChat pics are a great way to keep in touch through out the day but Skyping or even talking on the phone are kind of critical to any LDR.

He has a lot to learn about LDR.
On my end it's a little difficult when it comes to me visiting him because I have a seven-year-old daughter. It's not as easy for me to just pack up and visit him on a whim whenever I want as I have her to think about too. For me, it's maybe an odd weekend here or there and the school holidays. Plus I'm not financially all that well off.
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Old 10th November 2017, 11:30 AM   #8
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Long distance relationships do not work, unless both parties are communicating, but I'm sure you know that, based on replies I've read.

Look, this guy doesn't seem like he "fits the bill" when it comes to a long distance relationship. Theres nothing wrong with that, not everyone should be in a LDR. LDR take time, effort, loyalty, communication, the list goes on and on. I'm in one myself, my boyfriend living in a different country, but I am very happy with our situation and how our relationship is because we have great trust and communication.

You have every right to be upset, and for lack of better words, he's an ass for making you think you don't.

To be entirely honest, if he was completely in this relationship, regardless of plans, if he was near you, he would make time to see you. Please think about that. I know if I was anywhere near my boyfriend, I would make the effort to see, regardless. I think you should have a serious heart to heart with him about his intentions and where he is going with this relationship.

LDR really only work if there is an end to the distance. Would either of you ever even consider moving for the other? I know you've only been dating 6 months, but these are things to think about. There is no point being in a LDR if there isn't a plan to be closer at some point.

Take all things into consideration and be as honest as you can to him. Hopefully, you will get the same honesty back.

Good luck.
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Old 10th November 2017, 11:35 AM   #9
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On my end it's a little difficult when it comes to me visiting him because I have a seven-year-old daughter. It's not as easy for me to just pack up and visit him on a whim whenever I want as I have her to think about too. For me, it's maybe an odd weekend here or there and the school holidays. Plus I'm not financially all that well off.
I can respect that as a single parent myself.

But then it begs the question, why be in a LDR if time and money are obstacles you have to deal with?

If you've having to rely on him to be the one to invest time and money to see you then you should be with someone who will be okay with investing time and money as well as in other ways to keep the relationship afloat and secure.

I'm not convinced he's doing that very well. You could chalk it up to being a newbie to LDR in which case, as someone who is seasoned in LDR, it's up to you to paint a very clear picture of the kinds of expectations that go hand in hand with this type of arrangement.
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Old 10th November 2017, 11:45 AM   #10
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Long distance relationships do not work, unless both parties are communicating, but I'm sure you know that, based on replies I've read.

Look, this guy doesn't seem like he "fits the bill" when it comes to a long distance relationship. Theres nothing wrong with that, not everyone should be in a LDR. LDR take time, effort, loyalty, communication, the list goes on and on. I'm in one myself, my boyfriend living in a different country, but I am very happy with our situation and how our relationship is because we have great trust and communication.

You have every right to be upset, and for lack of better words, he's an ass for making you think you don't.

To be entirely honest, if he was completely in this relationship, regardless of plans, if he was near you, he would make time to see you. Please think about that. I know if I was anywhere near my boyfriend, I would make the effort to see, regardless. I think you should have a serious heart to heart with him about his intentions and where he is going with this relationship.

LDR really only work if there is an end to the distance. Would either of you ever even consider moving for the other? I know you've only been dating 6 months, but these are things to think about. There is no point being in a LDR if there isn't a plan to be closer at some point.

Take all things into consideration and be as honest as you can to him. Hopefully, you will get the same honesty back.

Good luck.
Everything you've said honestly makes a lot of sense to me. I know if i was anywhere near him, no matter what i had planned, i would at least make sure i could spend even just an hour with him. I've just called him and left a message letting him know that i need to have a proper conversation with him.

We've talked about our future. We came to a decision that we (my daughter and i) would be the ones to move to so we could be together when the time is right. As he has a very good job and owns a piece of land where he is. And I am currently renting my home and only hold a casual job.

Here's hoping i hear from him soon. It's honestly heartbreaking to think that maybe it would just be this easy for him to cut communication like this. Considering it was a fear (him just cutting me off without any explanation) that i expressed with him early on in this relationship.
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Old 10th November 2017, 11:56 AM   #11
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I can respect that as a single parent myself.

But then it begs the question, why be in a LDR if time and money are obstacles you have to deal with?

If you've having to rely on him to be the one to invest time and money to see you then you should be with someone who will be okay with investing time and money as well as in other ways to keep the relationship afloat and secure.

I'm not convinced he's doing that very well. You could chalk it up to being a newbie to LDR in which case, as someone who is seasoned in LDR, it's up to you to paint a very clear picture of the kinds of expectations that go hand in hand with this type of arrangement.
I save every scrap of money I have to go towards gas/airfare to see him. I'm currently saving money for my daughter and i to go see him after Christmas. That's if we get through this.

Right now I'm just waiting on him to contact me. I've tried calling him, I've left a message as he won't answer. Ball is in his court. I'm hoping he will at least talk to me, even if it is to break up officially.
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Old 10th November 2017, 11:58 AM   #12
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I save every scrap of money I have to go towards gas/airfare to see him. I'm currently saving money for my daughter and i to go see him after Christmas. That's if we get through this.

Right now I'm just waiting on him to contact me. I've tried calling him, I've left a message as he won't answer. Ball is in his court. I'm hoping he will at least talk to me, even it is to break up offically.
And what if you talk things out and he continues to behave this way?

How long can you go on like this before YOU make the decision to break things off officially? Why wait for him to do it if his actions continue to make be hurtful?
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Old 10th November 2017, 12:11 PM   #13
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And what if you talk things out and he continues to behave this way?

How long can you go on like this before YOU make the decision to break things off officially? Why wait for him to do it if his actions continue to make be hurtful?
Honestly, if we talk through this and things don't change, i don't think it's a relationship i want to be in.
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Old 10th November 2017, 12:20 PM   #14
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Honestly, if we talk through this and things don't change, i don't think it's a relationship i want to be in.


Honestly what are you looking for ?!?!
The guy doesnt care wake up for god sakes do you want him to call you and tell hey listen Im having a blast pounding all these women while Im in a relationship with you
Seriously this guy sounds like a magician and should write a New York bestseller


Block this idiot and move on there is no magic solution and whatever he says will be just to sleep with you a few more times!!!
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Old 10th November 2017, 12:25 PM   #15
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Honestly what are you looking for ?!?!
The guy doesnt care wake up for god sakes do you want him to call you and tell hey listen Im having a blast pounding all these women while Im in a relationship with you
Seriously this guy sounds like a magician and should write a New York bestseller


Block this idiot and move on there is no magic solution and whatever he says will be just to sleep with you a few more times!!!
Problem is we haven't even slept together. No matter how many times I've tried he just didn't seem interested!
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