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Girlfriend wants to take it slow now


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 13th October 2017, 2:25 PM   #16
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3 of them she lost them and the one's from her deceased ex live with his brother. And if they did stay with her I wouldn't mind being a step dad. I really do have this feeling for her and I don't know if she would want to just be friends cause she tells me she loves me, but she is going through a tough time right now. But I'm gonna slowly start distancing myself from her and see how that goes because I don't think I can just stop talking to her just like that. She's always there when I need someone to talk too she keeps me happy.
Two things:

This woman had 6 children and managed to lose/abandon ALL OF THEM. I don't know what she told you and it's not necessary to know because to lose 6 children you have to be a hard drug addict or a severe alcoholic, you have to have put your children's life at risk. It takes A LOT for a judge to take away children from a mother. So no matter her story she lied.

She does not keep you happy. She is keeping you from living your life. She has become your crutch to lean on because she is easy. She is much easy to reach than for you to make real friends and make a real girlfriend and maintain REAL relationships. Real relationships are hard work! a woman online who you only need to text is easy! While your brain is paralyzed in this fake-romance you are losing precious time to live in the real world.

YES you can do without her. Cut her off, you won't die! It will be hard but it will give you your life back.
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Old 13th October 2017, 2:31 PM   #17
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I just take it one day at a time, but when if she keeps trying to contact me? And she has threatened to go away a couple times once when we was just friends and I told her go ahead, but she stayed and then she tried again when we got together she did again, but this time I begged her not too and she kept saying why or you don't care about me. I will try to take it one day at a time, I really do want someone I can love and hold.
Is this a serious question?? You block her everywhere!! You send her a message to warn her it's over. Tell her you thought long and hard and you do not wish to continue this. Tell her good luck and good bye, then block her everywhere!!

As long as you keep this woman in your life you won't meet someone to love and hold. It's time wasted you could be spending with someone REAL, someone you can touch, cuddle with, sleep with.

Now that I am in a relationship with a real man, someone living just 20 minutes away, I would never go back to that online man, never in a million years. Now that I am out of the online romance I see clearly all of his lies and all of the red flags I ignored.
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Old 13th October 2017, 2:49 PM   #18
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I really do want someone I can love and hold.

We all want that. But she hasn't been that for you. She's a distance voice or a text. You aren't holding her. You haven't met her.


Right now you even have an easy out. She TOLD you to stay away for the next 3 months. Give her what she said she wanted.


What are you doing to find somebody locally, who is real, who you can see, hold & kiss? Once you have that person, like Gaeta said you won't miss her at all because a real relationship with a local woman will be so much better.
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Old 13th October 2017, 3:12 PM   #19
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I understand you are lonely, have been lonely, so desperately in need for someone to care for you and love you, but the fact of the matter is, she is using that for her own emotional needs. She is taking advantage of your vulnerability. It's a tough thing to hear what the others are saying because you are delusional, desperate and willing to believe you have something with her. It's killing you, because she uses it as a carrot to keep you chasing after something you so desperately want. Not what you came here for, but it's the truth. To let go is going to make you sick and depressed, but that is just you coming down from your obsession. Life will not be over, nor will you never have a chance to meet someone new.

She is a sick person. A mother that can't keep her kids, says a lot of who she is and her emotional state. You know it, but your own desire is clouding your better judgement.

Just because she gives you attention doesn't mean is a good thing. You are wasting your energy on someone you can't even be with that has questionable motives, and values.

Why not use this time apart to settle your emotions down, and seek out real company locally...someone you can physically hold hands with, kiss and love? You can find such a person, just right outside your door if you let them.

If you had a friend that was in the same position, what would you tell them? Be someones shlep and wait for probably nothing?
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Old 13th October 2017, 3:37 PM   #20
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I have blocked her once, but she had one her friends text me and she also made another account to contact me. And like right now she is texting and calling. I know y'all are right, but I feel like I put so much time into this online relationship that I want it to be real and work. She does see the kids that belong to her deceased ex, but the others she can't see them. I just have so much going through my mind about this relationship one second it's telling me to leave she's using you and the next it's telling me to stay because she wants you, needs you and loves you.
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Old 13th October 2017, 3:56 PM   #21
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I have blocked her once, but she had one her friends text me and she also made another account to contact me. And like right now she is texting and calling. I know y'all are right, but I feel like I put so much time into this online relationship that I want it to be real and work.
Time is relative. A year in a life time is a drop in the ocean. Not wanting to end a bad situation because we've invested time in that same bad situation is not a logic explanation. Every day people end relationships that are much longer than this and they move on and are just fine.


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She does see the kids that belong to her deceased ex, but the others she can't see them.
I bet this woman has a criminal record and has done pretty bad things to her children to not be allowed to see them. What ever the story she told you she is lying. And what ever caused her to lose her children is still going on!! If she lost them because of drugs or alcohol or abuse, she is STILL doing those things otherwise she'd be allowed to rebuild a connection with her children.


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I just have so much going through my mind about this relationship one second it's telling me to leave she's using you and the next it's telling me to stay because she wants you, needs you and loves you.
The love of such a woman isn't worth it. I know you are a man in love but somewhere in you there is a human being, and a human being that should refuse to associate with a woman that has done so many bad things to her children that she lost all of them. This woman is a wreck and a disgrace.

Have you sent her money?
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Old 13th October 2017, 4:19 PM   #22
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No I haven't sent her no money she said she doesn't want nothing from me, except for my love. She has admitted to doing drugs, but she said she quit now and she would try to get her kids back, but she said it's hard to get them back in Arizona. The more I think about it the more I just want to move on with my life and find someone locally who doesn't want to be by my side and not miles away from me.
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Old 13th October 2017, 4:50 PM   #23
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And another reason I find it hard to stop talking to her is because she was here for me when I needed someone to talk to when my grandma spent 3 months in the hospital. She was telling me how everything was gonna be just fine and that she's here if I ever need someone to talk too.
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Old 13th October 2017, 5:23 PM   #24
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She may have good intentions, but the odds of having a happy and bright future with someone like this are slim to none.

She lost 6 kids!!!! That's a big deal. Its a huge deal, and I am positive that there are many things about her that she has not told you.

Like others have said, online relationships are build out of fantasy, you need to cut your ties, move on, and build one in real life.
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Old 13th October 2017, 5:48 PM   #25
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And another reason I find it hard to stop talking to her is because she was here for me when I needed someone to talk to when my grandma spent 3 months in the hospital. She was telling me how everything was gonna be just fine and that she's here if I ever need someone to talk too.
Like we said earlier. Most people have a good part somewhere in their heart that makes them extend a hand to a friend or a lover sometimes it doesn't take away the lies, the disfunctions, the addictions, the criminal records, the misleading, the abuse and all that stuff.
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Old 13th October 2017, 5:57 PM   #26
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On that money she has asked me to buy her a plane ticket to come see me after she already told me she was saving up to buy one to come see me then. When I asked what if I go there she said let me think about it and we never talked about it until she told me she didn't want to meet right now cause she was going through a bad time. But I should just cut my ties with her and move on, the more I think about the more I see she's never going to want to meet.
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Old 13th October 2017, 10:00 PM   #27
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I texted her and told her that I wasn't going to be talking to her no more, so she ends up calling me crying telling me she wants to be with me and that she needs me. I told her I can't do this no more that I need something real someone who is going to physically be here and not just mentally she said I can I just need time. I told her I'm sorry I can't wait any longer I told her goodbye I wished her well then I hung up, but she is still calling me and texting me telling me to answer saying she loves me and wants to be here with me. She even called restricted, I guess she thought I was going to answer but I didn't.
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Old 14th October 2017, 8:26 AM   #28
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Break ups are difficult but you are doing the right thing here.

It's nice that she was there for you when you had a hard time. Maybe that was her purpose in your life.

Despite all her empty promises which are now continuing, you know all this crying & begging is smoke & mirrors. If you get weak & talk to her, I know a "test" that will gird your heart. Tell her you will reconsider breaking up if she comes to you on her own dime. Most likely you will get a series of excuses why she can't or won't do that. You may find out she's on probation & can't leave her state. When she does this, it might be the final nail in the coffin of your feelings for her & let you move on. If she does show up, then we were all wrong & maybe there is hope. Which scenario do you think is more likely?
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Old 14th October 2017, 8:58 AM   #29
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Johnny you did the right thing.

Block her and don't answer any calls that doesn't show up as a contact of yours. If she leaves messages then delete them without listenning to them. Delete everything of her, pictures emails messages, and make plans to go out this weekend. Lots of fun movies playing this weekend.

No one said it will be easy but it's necessary. You will see that soon. She will never come and see you. Remind yourself she's on drugs, I am sure 99% she has a criminal record related to drugs and abusing-neglecting her children. That's not someone you want in your life.
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Old 14th October 2017, 12:45 PM   #30
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Thank you all for the great advice. I know it will be hard for me to forget about her and move on, but I know I can do it. There's someone out there that is willing to be with me physically and not just no internet gf. Now its time to delete every picture she sent me and keep deleting her messages when she sends them to me.
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