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Got message from boyfriends ex's friend....


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 8th October 2017, 11:01 AM   #1
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Got message from boyfriends ex's friend....

I need some advice please... I have come out of a year long engagement with a guy who it turned out lied the entire time, and then cheated on me with online sex/porn workers and I found out he has a long standing addiction to porn. He has now cut me out of his life, and it feels like he died... I have now met someone who seems to be wonderful, who says he's in love with me... and I admit I'm falling for him too. He told me his ex finished with him a couple of months ago and that he'd been really upset but that since meeting me he no longer is in love with her.... we seem to be getting on great, and we only have eyes for each other... we talk all day every day on WhatsApp, and we feel very close, although my mistrust and securities are never far from the surface.... Last week we put on Facebook that we are in a relationship, and now today, I have had a message on Facebook from someone who claimed to be friends with his ex, telling me that my boyfriend was ****ing around with my head, and that 2 days before, my boyfriend had been messaging his ex telling her he loved her.... because of my insecurities (or maybe anyone would react the same, I don't know) I kind of lost it, and messaged my boyfriends ex to ask wtf is going on? Why was her friend messaging me? Was it true that my boyfriend had still been telling her he loves her even up to 2 days before we announced we were together? She said she had not seen or spoken to him for a month, that she was really angry that one of her friends had done tgis - to me as well as embarrassing her... that she would be finding out what the he'll this person has been up to. She said someone is stirring **** up and that what they've said is not true... I feel reassured, because after what I've been through - literally not knowing which way is up for a year - I needed to know the truth and asking my boyfriend could have resulted (in my mind anyway) in potentially more untruths. But now I'm worried that he'll be angry that I contacted his ex, and what I need advice on us whether I was justified in doing this, and if I should tell him I've spoken to his ex? What if he finds out later what I did? I feel so lost and unsure! I want to talk to him about it, as we talk about everytging usually.... please be gentle with me... thanks
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Old 8th October 2017, 8:51 PM   #2
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I would've done the exact same thing- honestly.
I don't think you did anything wrong xoxo
I would tell him you spoke with the ex though- it'll probably be awkward, but tell him that you panicked.
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Old 8th October 2017, 10:26 PM   #3
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Wow! Something is up who's starting rumors about all of this. Didn't he say he hasn't spoken to her in months. Didn't the Ex say she hasn't spoken to him in a month. So he did speak to her a month ago, not like the two months you said he told you. Confront him about this can you do Skype, or whatspap video see how it reacts to your questions?
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Old 9th October 2017, 12:51 AM   #4
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Wow! Something is up who's starting rumors about all of this. Didn't he say he hasn't spoken to her in months. Didn't the Ex say she hasn't spoken to him in a month. So he did speak to her a month ago, not like the two months you said he told you. Confront him about this can you do Skype, or whatspap video see how it reacts to your questions?

If I understood correctly, the ex finished with him couple months ago but that didn't imply that last he spoke with the ex was also couple months ago. Maybe just last month he tried to reach out to the ex.

But for me, one month or two it doesn't matter. He's already telling OP he's in love with her? Seems a bit fast to me. So OP just be very careful.

OP, definitely tell your bf what happened. You need to inform both sides. What was the sender's name?
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Old 9th October 2017, 6:15 AM   #5
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If I understood correctly, the ex finished with him couple months ago but that didn't imply that last he spoke with the ex was also couple months ago. Maybe just last month he tried to reach out to the ex.

But for me, one month or two it doesn't matter. He's already telling OP he's in love with her? Seems a bit fast to me. So OP just be very careful.

OP, definitely tell your bf what happened. You need to inform both sides. What was the sender's name?
Yes I totally agree with you but he's not in love with the OP still after the ex. Why would he still reach out to contact the Ex. Yes it's way to fast for him to love the OP. She's going to get hurt by him. She can mention that she knows what going on but he might take it the wrong way.
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Old 9th October 2017, 6:16 AM   #6
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If I understood correctly, the ex finished with him couple months ago but that didn't imply that last he spoke with the ex was also couple months ago. Maybe just last month he tried to reach out to the ex.

But for me, one month or two it doesn't matter. He's already telling OP he's in love with her? Seems a bit fast to me. So OP just be very careful.

OP, definitely tell your bf what happened. You need to inform both sides. What was the sender's name?
Yes I totally agree with you but he's not in love with the OP still after the ex. Why would he still reach out to contact the Ex. Yes it's way to fast for him to love the OP. She's going to get hurt by him. She can mention that she knows what going on but he might take it the wrong way.
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Old 9th October 2017, 6:22 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by LovelyRose View Post
If I understood correctly, the ex finished with him couple months ago but that didn't imply that last he spoke with the ex was also couple months ago. Maybe just last month he tried to reach out to the ex.

But for me, one month or two it doesn't matter. He's already telling OP he's in love with her? Seems a bit fast to me. So OP just be very careful.

OP, definitely tell your bf what happened. You need to inform both sides. What was the sender's name?
Yes I totally agree with you but he's not in love with the OP still after the ex. Why would he still reach out to contact the Ex. Yes it's way to fast for him to love the OP. She's going to get hurt by him. She can mention that she knows what going on but he might take it the wrong way.
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Old 9th October 2017, 8:57 AM   #8
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Hi sorry I should clarify - thanks for all your replies though - I met him on 3 September. They split up at the beginning of August, and they've both confirmed separately that the last time he saw her was 9 September. So a month ago (he had to go round to her house to get the last few bits of his stuff), and yesterday she told me that on Thursday last week he messaged her to apologise fir her finding out on Facebook he was in a new relationship. Dunno why, guess he's an honourable old fashioned guy.... he also told me that. I just don't know how to tell him I've spoken to her. He's done nothing but prove to me over and over I can trust him and felt on him. He's jumped through hoops fir me, I guess this was the final hoop - my insecurities and barriers have been on triple lick down since my ex betrayed me so badly. I don't want to carry on like this. For his ex's part, she was as nice as she could be about it - she definitely wasn't happy to hear from me, but said she understood why is contacted her and wished me and him the best and she hoped we'd be happy together. I think they're both basically honest people.
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Old 9th October 2017, 10:12 AM   #9
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Hi sorry I should clarify - thanks for all your replies though - I met him on 3 September. They split up at the beginning of August, and they've both confirmed separately that the last time he saw her was 9 September. So a month ago (he had to go round to her house to get the last few bits of his stuff), and yesterday she told me that on Thursday last week he messaged her to apologise fir her finding out on Facebook he was in a new relationship. Dunno why, guess he's an honourable old fashioned guy.... he also told me that. I just don't know how to tell him I've spoken to her. He's done nothing but prove to me over and over I can trust him and felt on him. He's jumped through hoops fir me, I guess this was the final hoop - my insecurities and barriers have been on triple lick down since my ex betrayed me so badly. I don't want to carry on like this. For his ex's part, she was as nice as she could be about it - she definitely wasn't happy to hear from me, but said she understood why is contacted her and wished me and him the best and she hoped we'd be happy together. I think they're both basically honest people.
Don't feel bad- you'd be an idiot not to follow up on that information.
You didn't really have a choice but to look further into it- if you ignored that would be ridiculous!
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Old 9th October 2017, 3:16 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by Blondie73 View Post
Hi sorry I should clarify - thanks for all your replies though - I met him on 3 September. They split up at the beginning of August, and they've both confirmed separately that the last time he saw her was 9 September. So a month ago (he had to go round to her house to get the last few bits of his stuff), and yesterday she told me that on Thursday last week he messaged her to apologise fir her finding out on Facebook he was in a new relationship. Dunno why, guess he's an honourable old fashioned guy.... he also told me that. I just don't know how to tell him I've spoken to her. He's done nothing but prove to me over and over I can trust him and felt on him. He's jumped through hoops fir me, I guess this was the final hoop - my insecurities and barriers have been on triple lick down since my ex betrayed me so badly. I don't want to carry on like this. For his ex's part, she was as nice as she could be about it - she definitely wasn't happy to hear from me, but said she understood why is contacted her and wished me and him the best and she hoped we'd be happy together. I think they're both basically honest people.


He apologized to her for finding out through FB that he is now in a new relationship!??????? Why!!!????????

So they broke up, even if let's say they remained good friends, it's no longer her business if he dates. I'm sorry but this wouldn't sit right with me. Honesty is great and very important. But I really don't see any reason why he had to apologize. Something important is missing here.

She broke up with him. He should be honorable to you by completely moving on from her.
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Old 10th October 2017, 9:31 AM   #11
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Good grief, this is going way too fast. You have only known this guy a month and he's only been broken up with his ex for two months. Yet here you are talking like this is already a serious committed relationship you are in with him.

Should you trust him fully? No you should not. Not because he's necessarily doing anything wrong but because you shouldn't fully trust anyone you have only known for 1 month. It takes way longer than that to really know someone.

As for your bf, he met you 1 month after his gf broke up with him. How long were they together? If they had a longterm relationship then he's not really in the right headspace to be getting serious about someone else so fast. You are a rebound girl. And he is your rebound guy. Sometimes theses rebound relationships work out but usually they don't. Don't be in such a big hurry to make this something serious. It's fine to be single for a while. It's even good for you. After what you went through with your ex fiancÚ you need time to recover and recoup. It's a bad idea to latch onto the very next guy to come along.
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Old 10th October 2017, 3:39 PM   #12
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He apologized to her for finding out through FB that he is now in a new relationship!??????? Why!!!????????

So they broke up, even if let's say they remained good friends, it's no longer her business if he dates. I'm sorry but this wouldn't sit right with me. Honesty is great and very important. But I really don't see any reason why he had to apologize. Something important is missing here.

She broke up with him. He should be honorable to you by completely moving on from her.
I find this very odd as well. She is his ex (and a very recent ex at that)..he doesn't owe her an explanation of his current relationship status..

That, the amount of time since they broke up, and how quickly this is moving all point to a rebound to me..I'm not saying you should dump him, but I'd keep your antennae up for more red flags.
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