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Long distance troubles


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 24th September 2017, 5:33 PM   #1
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Unhappy Long distance troubles

So a brief back story, I met a girl 6 years ago and we connected immediately. I live in the UK and she lives in America. We have often gone with out speaking but everytime we do, we pick it up as though we never stopped. Last Feb we started to talk online again and messaged each other every day for 6 months. In aug I took a trip over for 10 and things and we connected immediately again in person. We slept together and would often be very intimate throughout the trip. We talked about me coming back in a couple of months and made plans.

The first week after me being home she was send me messages every morning and saying she couldn't wait for me to get back. We talked alot over the phone and things seemed great. After a while she started messaging differently and I could tell something was up. She admitted that she wanted me to come back but didn't know how to dealwith it. We agreed that i would come back and see how things were.*

A week later is when I fear I screwed things up, I messaged saying I need to think as something didn't seem right and that I thought I needed to give her space to decide.

I didn't hear from her for 3 days and I felt i was being pulled along so I messaged saying maybe we should just leave it as something didn't feel right her end. Still nothing at all from her so I left it. After a couple of days I sent a simple message saying I hoped she was ok and just asked if she could just reply even if it was just to say no to me coming back as I needed to know. The next day I got a message back saying she was having a long week and and not feeling hot at the moment and would try to reply the next day if she had a chance. It's been 2 days and not heard back. We've known each other a long time and I know I have probably pushed her away but I feel with how long we have known each other I at least deserve to be told if she doesn't want to go any further. I won't message her again but I feel in a hole over it.
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Old 24th September 2017, 6:01 PM   #2
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Sooo.... did you two actually become official? It doesn't really take long to reply through messaging, so even if she was having a long week, she should have been able to explain herself.

I don't like the feel of this dude. She doesn't seem to be that interested anymore. It's definitely a different experience to meet in person, but if she's not continuing the effort while you're apart, she's only into the physical aspect of the relationship.
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Old 24th September 2017, 6:40 PM   #3
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No we didn't make it official, we just wanted to see how things are when I came back. She has said in the past that she struggles to shoe her feelings and can be closed off. I just want her to be honest with me even if it's just to say it's not what she wants. After knowing each other and being very close for six years I feel she should at least do that. And if it isn't what she wants I can accept that, I just need to know.
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Old 24th September 2017, 6:59 PM   #4
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Someone who closes off their feelings from you is NOT a characteristic that will make an LDR last. She's only spoken to you sporadically throughout those six years. A lot of things can happen between those conversations. She may not take you that seriously if you guys haven't been speaking in a consistent daily basis. I talked with my ex every day when were friends and that formed into our relationship, where we continued to talk every day. When he started to become distant and didn't speak to me consistently anymore, our relationship fell apart.

Communication and trust is KEY for successful LDRs. It's still early and it'd be wise to pull out if she's already showing disinterest in your feelings. You told you she'd get back to you at a certain time and she didn't follow through. She's not even being a good friend at this point. Is it really worth putting in effort for someone so flippant?
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Old 24th September 2017, 7:22 PM   #5
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Yeah I'm starting to think that, I was hoping it was just a small phase as I was due to go back in a few weeks. We would often talk for months at a time but it wouldn't be long periods in between and the last 8 month apart from the last week we talked every day.
There is always a small part of me that hopes she will message just saying she was finding it hard to think and does want me to come back but the fact she hasn't replied gives me a very bad feeling and yeah I think the toughest part is that despite everything she doesn't reply when she says.
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Old 25th September 2017, 9:17 AM   #6
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Honesty

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom1985l View Post
Yeah I'm starting to think that, I was hoping it was just a small phase as I was due to go back in a few weeks. We would often talk for months at a time but it wouldn't be long periods in between and the last 8 month apart from the last week we talked every day.
There is always a small part of me that hopes she will message just saying she was finding it hard to think and does want me to come back but the fact she hasn't replied gives me a very bad feeling and yeah I think the toughest part is that despite everything she doesn't reply when she says.
Just a word of advice for Tom, if he wants to be honest, he should try being honest with his girlfriend of 4 years that he shares a home with.
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Old 25th September 2017, 10:09 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom1985l View Post
Just a word of advice for Tom, if he wants to be honest, he should try being honest with his girlfriend of 4 years that he shares a home with.


I take it you are the GF who found this message board & posted using his account.


Tom1985! assuming the above is true, you need to stay away from the girl in America & start packing to get out of the house you share with your STBX GF.


To Tom's GF -- ouch, hugs what a crappy way to find out.
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Old 30th September 2017, 10:32 AM   #8
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I just got so confused right there. So evidently GF found this account and these posts? That stings. And what a way to find out.

I guess any advice at this point would be moot. It would seem like this discussion just came to an abrupt end.
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Old 30th September 2017, 10:44 AM   #9
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wait, so this guy is going after some girl in America while he has a live in girlfriend the whole time??
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Old 30th September 2017, 12:08 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by mannrw61 View Post
wait, so this guy is going after some girl in America while he has a live in girlfriend the whole time??
It would appear that way based on that single post. I don't know the facts, but it appears he's got a live-in girlfriend of 4 years and is writing for advice on having a LDR with someone.

But GF found out. She did title the post "Honesty" so....yeah. Sticky web got woven.
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