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LDR GF has gone hot/cold but still says she loves me


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

Old 19th September 2017, 12:45 AM   #1
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LDR GF has gone hot/cold but still says she loves me

So I met this woman about 6 months ago on a dating site, but unfortunately she lives in another state but only an hour ride for us (65 miles). From the moment I met her I was into her, and she was into me. She expresses it often. But here is the thing, she is separated yet still living with her husband. They live almost completely separate lives and sleep in separate rooms but because of this I cannot fully be part of her life, or not just yet she has said as they do have a teenage daughter. I too have a teenage daughter and a crazy ex to deal with.

From the moment we met we have been talking and texting everyday and meet up every weekend and sometimes during the week. Our dates are awesome and the sex is the best I have had, and she has expressed the same thoughts as well. We are both in our 40's and have expressed that we are tired of games. This had been going as well for 5 months. We would flip flop driving down to each other. A few weeks by me and a few by her and sometimes meet in the middle for date night mid week. We were going around like love struck teenages all summer long. It's been wonderful. We have even had a few weekends on vacation together and have planned on bigger future vacations.

Earlier in the summer at one point we had quite a fight. She got jealous over a misunderstanding and pretty much broke it off with me. I tried to smooth it out but she had her mind made up, so I went along with my day. Later that day I get a text from her that just says "I don't want to lose you" so I asked her to call me and she admitted that she kind of overreacted a bit and was sorry. I told her I would rather skip past it, we discussed it but don't dwell on it. Since then we have had a few minor mishaps but nothing overly serious and we always seem to get past them. It's almost always her getting upset and me trying to work things out, and at the end of the day or the next day we are always right back to telling each other how much we miss and love each other.

Well, a few weeks back she had made a few comments that made me rethink a few things and her actual loyalty and I realize I should have said something then, I didnt. What I did do a few times was relog on my singles profile to see if she was there. I almost was always on invisible or re paused it, I just had to check. I know, this is a very insecure thing for me to do but there she was. It was a kick in the gut. It would now explaine a few things these last few weeks. However, we spent the night out of town last weekend in a nice hotel and had a great date night. It was a perfect night, and even tonight we talked after work, said our "Love you" to each other and exchanged a few nice texts. Talked about how into each other we are, how we miss each other when we are gone. But for some reason I kept checking and sure enough, she was online all night tonight and I am just crushed now. Sure both of us are not perfect but we have both said we were the best things that had ever happened to each other. We had talked about plans and the future and now this. I can't sleep tonight, I just want to call her and ask her what's going on but at the same time I realize I acted immature as well.

I guess I question if the relationship is even worth the headache because of her marriage but to me, yes, she is worth the wait. She has said its will happen but maybe next year as paying for lawyers and such is expensive. I'd offer to help but that would be a mistake I think, I can't get involved with that part. I have also expressed how I would one day like to move closer if things do work out. I could be closer to her but still close enough to work, same drive just in another direction. And she expressed how she does like that idea as well as I did. She has even mentioned us living together one day down the road. We are just both all over the map at the moment and it's starting to wear on me. Her texts are getting shorter but still loving and such. I don't want to lose her but I'm having a hard time trusting her now for reasons.
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Old 19th September 2017, 1:49 AM   #2
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Not sure how to play it tbh but she's still on sites and she's still separating .
Truth is you can't trust any of that l'm sorry. Women are every cunning at times like that and they don't like leaving the ex with no one holding their hand.
l'd be really careful with this ad protect your heart.
You can't trust anything she thinks she's feeling right now and still being on the site well., says it all.
Even the fact she's been looking all this time and hasn't even separated yet , not a real good sign.
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Old 19th September 2017, 3:54 AM   #3
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It kills me when I read "We both said we're tired of games" following "She's married and still lives with her husband" and the fact that she's still on online dating sites trolling for male attention.

Talk to her husband. If they're really separated and divorcing, it shouldn't be a problem for you to verify with him. Otherwise, she's just a garden variety wayward wife and you're just a garden variety affair partner.
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Last edited by MJJean; 19th September 2017 at 3:56 AM..
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Old 19th September 2017, 7:12 AM   #4
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She text a few times last night, all normal type texts and text me this morning on my way into work. Wishing me a good day with a kissy face, nothing out of the ordinary but I don't know if I want to reply now. I do want to but I'm thinking I may need to back off and that makes me sad. Going to be a long day.
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Old 19th September 2017, 10:33 AM   #5
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I would be skeptical about dating someone who is long distance, and even worse separating and still living with their spouse.

1) Don't always believe what people tell you. They can present themselves and their situation to be anything they want it to be in order to get what they want.

2) Don't date people that are in the midst of a separation because most often they are emotionally unavailable and still processing through an emotional rollercoaster.

3) There is also the potential that couples may decide to get back together after a separation.

It would be best for you to step away from her and use a better filtering process when on these dating sites and seeking matches. You need to have a boundary system -- what you will and will not accept. These sites are littered with men and women that are in it for all the wrong reasons. She may be legitimate but you're taking too many risks. I mean she is even telling you that she isn't sure when the divorce will go through because it's expensive. You should have exited as soon as you heard that.
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Old 19th September 2017, 2:10 PM   #6
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I do get that you all are correct. I've been torn by those very thoughts for a good month myself.

She initiated a few text conversations today and I did respond but I kept them short. She noticnoticed the change and said she honestly hopes my mood isn't because of her. Now, she does not know that I seen her profile on the site yet and was supposed to go out with me this weekend. Do I wait to see if she cancels on the plan? Do I ask her on the phone before the weekend? I'd rather do it face to face personally. This has just gotten me all twisted up in knots.
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Old 19th September 2017, 2:30 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wj015894 View Post
Do I wait to see if she cancels on the plan? Do I ask her on the phone before the weekend? I'd rather do it face to face personally. This has just gotten me all twisted up in knots.
There's a bigger picture. Do you want to continue dating someone that offers you very little stability and security? It's one thing that she is on the site but understand that she is still separated, living with her spouse and has no idea when she will be divorcing. And who knows if that even is her true situation. I think you are focusing on the wrong things.

Last edited by Zahara; 19th September 2017 at 3:59 PM..
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