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Fantasy or real?


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 9th September 2017, 8:06 PM   #1
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Fantasy or real?

This will be all over the place so be patient.

Last March I matched with a guy on a dating app, he's from Europe and came to my city for a visit. We chatted and hit it off right away which never happens with me. He asked me to meet but I said no, I didn't see the point cause he was flying back home in a few days and I thought oh this boy just wants a hookup and will forget me as soon as he's home.

He said he respects and understand and said that he has work in my city and will be back again sometime, and we should just keep chatting and see what happens and exchanged numbers. I thought yea whatever dude, I know you're just BSing me but I enjoyed talking to him anyway. He called me from the airport as soon as his plane landed and it shocked me. He kept texting and calling me on daily basis. I started to like him so sorry to say, I started to google him and everything he's said checked out. He was exactly who he said he was. I asked him to video chat and he agreed and it felt so good to actually SEE him live.

2 months passed and we still talk everyday, he seemed really genuine and sweet and I even added him on Facebook to "test" how he'll react and he was all for it.
I brought up meeting, told him hey, so you want to come back? He said well then let's make it happen. He looked at flights and hotels (while talking on the phone) and he said he could come a week from now. I started to feel really nervous, how could I not? It kinda showed and he heard it and asked if I was serious about meeting or not? I said I was. He kept asking if I'll actually show up since he'll fly and everything. I think my anxiety rubbed off on him and he got nervous too and I asked him and he said that he's not good with making fast decisions but he will do it. I then told him okay let's just wait then, maybe we should stay friends only.

He said feels like I failed a test? I feel like I'm losing the chance of a lifetime and that he wishes he could have just booked his flight without thinking. He said I don't want to rush but then I'd get to hold you. I know we've never met but somehow I miss you.

Anyway, we decided to wait more. He had to have mouth surgery and couldn't fly for 2 months since the air pressure would make his wound bleed. He offered to pay for my flight so I'd visit him, but I refused.

Around that time he also started a new job and couldn't take vacation time yet. So we've yet to meet. We talk almost daily, it feels real to both of us, I feel like I'm falling for him (I've never mentioned that) but I keep freaking out thinking it's not real and it's just in my head.

What do I do? End it until we do meet, then resume things? Just end it completely? Keep going? I'm getting attached more and more everyday. I tried to date meanwhile but I couldn't get him out of my head and I couldn't feel that connection with anyone else. Does he seem serious, or just having fun!?

I know many will say it's not real you don't know him, but don't I!? Talking for over 6 months everyday... I sure feel like it.

Last edited by Reyhoney; 9th September 2017 at 8:09 PM..
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Old 9th September 2017, 9:46 PM   #2
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Seems to me like he's been serious from the start but you've been doubtful?
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Old 10th September 2017, 4:38 AM   #3
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It s a very dangerous situation for you emotionally, and even people who meet in real and go LDR after that... most time it doesnt work out. You get more and more involved, but it is 90% fantasy.
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Old 10th September 2017, 7:26 AM   #4
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All fantasy until you have met and get to know him in person. Even if you've met and you've corroborated his story online, etc., until you are able to see him in the flesh at least semi-regularly, you have little idea what he is about.
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Old 10th September 2017, 9:57 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by simpleNfit View Post
All fantasy until you have met and get to know him in person. Even if you've met and you've corroborated his story online, etc., until you are able to see him in the flesh at least semi-regularly, you have little idea what he is about.
Agree with all of the above.

Keep your expectations in check until you're able to spend some quality time together, in person, a few times.
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Old 10th September 2017, 10:03 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Reyhoney View Post
This will be all over the place so be patient.

Last March I matched with a guy on a dating app, he's from Europe and came to my city for a visit. We chatted and hit it off right away which never happens with me. He asked me to meet but I said no, I didn't see the point cause he was flying back home in a few days and I thought oh this boy just wants a hookup and will forget me as soon as he's home.

He said he respects and understand and said that he has work in my city and will be back again sometime, and we should just keep chatting and see what happens and exchanged numbers. I thought yea whatever dude, I know you're just BSing me but I enjoyed talking to him anyway. He called me from the airport as soon as his plane landed and it shocked me. He kept texting and calling me on daily basis. I started to like him so sorry to say, I started to google him and everything he's said checked out. He was exactly who he said he was. I asked him to video chat and he agreed and it felt so good to actually SEE him live.

2 months passed and we still talk everyday, he seemed really genuine and sweet and I even added him on Facebook to "test" how he'll react and he was all for it.
I brought up meeting, told him hey, so you want to come back? He said well then let's make it happen. He looked at flights and hotels (while talking on the phone) and he said he could come a week from now. I started to feel really nervous, how could I not? It kinda showed and he heard it and asked if I was serious about meeting or not? I said I was. He kept asking if I'll actually show up since he'll fly and everything. I think my anxiety rubbed off on him and he got nervous too and I asked him and he said that he's not good with making fast decisions but he will do it. I then told him okay let's just wait then, maybe we should stay friends only.

He said feels like I failed a test? I feel like I'm losing the chance of a lifetime and that he wishes he could have just booked his flight without thinking. He said I don't want to rush but then I'd get to hold you. I know we've never met but somehow I miss you.

Anyway, we decided to wait more. He had to have mouth surgery and couldn't fly for 2 months since the air pressure would make his wound bleed. He offered to pay for my flight so I'd visit him, but I refused.

Around that time he also started a new job and couldn't take vacation time yet. So we've yet to meet. We talk almost daily, it feels real to both of us, I feel like I'm falling for him (I've never mentioned that) but I keep freaking out thinking it's not real and it's just in my head.

What do I do? End it until we do meet, then resume things? Just end it completely? Keep going? I'm getting attached more and more everyday. I tried to date meanwhile but I couldn't get him out of my head and I couldn't feel that connection with anyone else. Does he seem serious, or just having fun!?

I know many will say it's not real you don't know him, but don't I!? Talking for over 6 month everyday... I sure feel like it.
Real - touching, feeling, kissing.. - baby this is for real!
Fantasy - Just in your head!
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Old 10th September 2017, 10:41 AM   #7
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Does he sound serious though? And how to proceed now? Just ghost him, or keep talking?
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Old 10th September 2017, 1:06 PM   #8
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He seemed serious about meeting you, yes.

It's impossible to say right now if he'd want anything more, though. Neither of you could determine that without meeting first.
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Old 10th September 2017, 1:48 PM   #9
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He seemed serious about meeting you, yes.

It's impossible to say right now if he'd want anything more, though. Neither of you could determine that without meeting first.
Why hasn't he tried to visit though, I usually believe him and he does come off sincere but he doesn't really talk about meeting, I ask him if we will meet and he says yes we will cause I want to.

Should I keep bringing it up?
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Old 10th September 2017, 3:34 PM   #10
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Long distance things rarely work out for more than a nice few dates. Still, it could be a good memory.

Have you looked at the immigration laws? Is it even possible for him to move to where you are legally or for you to? Because most places don't allow people to just move there willy-nilly and you'd have to marry first. I'm in the US and I know I couldn't legally move to the UK or even Canada. So you better look at the practicalities of the law before you get too invested.
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Old 10th September 2017, 3:48 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by preraph View Post
Long distance things rarely work out for more than a nice few dates. Still, it could be a good memory.

Have you looked at the immigration laws? Is it even possible for him to move to where you are legally or for you to? Because most places don't allow people to just move there willy-nilly and you'd have to marry first. I'm in the US and I know I couldn't legally move to the UK or even Canada. So you better look at the practicalities of the law before you get too invested.
Exactly. I agree.
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