My long distance relationship says it's ok to sex chat with other women SMh

[Seducedbypassion]

I am new to the community and need some advice. I have been having a LDR with a guy. We meant online in a chatroom. He pursued me and was very persistent We both fell in love not knowing. He lives in India and I am here in the U.S.. We talked everyday and numerous phone and video calls as well. Also there is bdsm involved in our relationship. For anyone that doesn't know what that means it's actually a lifestyle were he is the dominate one and I am the submissive. For us it's not just a sexual thing. But a 24/7 lifestyle.

 

We recently planned a trip to finally be together in person. He was going to be in the UK on business so I planned to come be with him. I got on my flight and we were both so excited. All I could think about was us finally being together. But when I arrived at the airport I started getting texts about online sex chats he had with a married cousin of mine.

 

I freaked out and instead of meeting him at his hotel I stayed somewhere else and apparently my cousin when I was still inflight told him she was feeling guilty about sex chatting with him because he was my man. So he knew she sent them to me. He knew all my passwords to my online accounts and blocked her from messaging me. I called him after seeing the messages about his sex chats and he kept telling me to come and be with him for the sake of love and that he wouldn't discuss anything over the phone. Oh he said my cousin was making a big deal out of nothing.

 

I stayed in the UK trying to get my head together and every time. But every time I tried to call him all he wanted to do is come and get me at the hotel so I could come be with him. So I went back home and so did he with out ever meeting. I just felt so betrayed and hurt. I did talk to him 5 days after returning to the U.S. He begged me to forgive him and I did see in the chats to her that he kept telling her he loved and that she meant nothing to him. So I took him back. But all the sudden he thinks he has the upper hand because I should have not disobeyed and that he owns me and I should have showed up to be with him anyway in the UK.

 

So this past friday on messenger he told me that he is going to do anything he wants online and that's my punishment for not showing up. He plans on having sex chat with other girls Until I actually come to India to be with him. But that he loves me very much and it's harmless because I have his heart. Is it innocent? Can u do something like that and not bring real emotions into it He said that he's to angry to cyber online with me. It's just a turn he said to dominate other girls and if I had come to be with him already he wouldn't do this. And as soon as my work schedule allows to get back on a plane asap to finally spend time in real.

 

Believe it or not here is the worst part of the conversation. All of the sudden he says he should have told me that he doesn't commit to online loyalty only offline and he tells me he should have told me that a long time ago. Which is a big fat lie because he told me several times that we were exclusive over the last 7mos. So I haven't talked to him all weekend been avoiding him trying to cool off. I was so hurt more than anything and beyond pissed off too. So I plan on confronting him tonight on messenger and I am going to call him out on this lie. Show him all the texts he sent me about us being exclusive to each other.

 

If I told any of you some other things he said last friday I would look like a fool for not dumping him. He has a hold over me and I am so scared of losing him. I'm so in love with this guy. I can't stop crying! Please can someone talk some sense in to me. Need feedback asap

Thanks!

Edited August 21, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ExpatInItaly]

Ugh, this guy is a huge, manipulative creep. You have no idea if this clown is even single, OP.

 

Do not allow this person to jerk you around anymore. He treats you like crap and you don't even know him. Listen to what he's telling you: he is going to meet and have sex with other women. Why? Because what you two have is an online friendship. This is not a relationship. You're in love with an idea of who you want him to be, but not who he really is - you don't actually know that person.

 

Please, stay away from him. He is virtually a stranger to you and you allowed yourself to get caught up in a fantasy. But even the fantasy sucked. He is "punishing" you by meeting other women? Pffft. This is not someone you should be wasting any more time with. He sounds like a complete jackarse.

[d0nnivain]

I'm not in favor of on-line relationships.

 

Here, I was prepared to tell to simmer down a bit about his sexy talk with other people It was just talk after all. The minute I learned he was chatting with your cousin, all bets are off. You need to cut him lose & have it out with her. Why didn't your cousin tell you what was going on? I can understand him being a cad but she's supposed to love you.

 

What a mess.

 

Date locally from now on.

[Seducedbypassion]

I found out she had already been have sex chat with some other guy behind her hubbys back. So she was already cheating. And enjoyed the attention from my man too smh She told my man that she had always been jealous of me. So this was some kind of payback. I never did anything to her ever.

[d0nnivain]

Get rid of him & steer very clear of her. What a toxic cousin. Yuck.

 

Even if he is so crass as to have these types of OL sex encounters the minute he realized she was your cousin he should have bailed too.

 

Let them have each other.

[5x5]

Please can someone talk some sense in to me.

 

Try to avoid having any so called romantic relationships with people that you haven't actually met in person.

[pinkstar]

You did the right thing you didn't go to his hotel to meet him...your causin did a favor. This guy is just the wrong person. Although it's hard, but stop being in contact with him...how come he told you directly about having online sex with other people ? America is a continent and so many opportunities are there to meet someone for real soon

[Seducedbypassion]

I think he told me because he still is sex chatting with my cousin or because he just wants me to be upset

 

I just can't seem to break it off with this guy ugh

[Seducedbypassion]

I turn it around on and said I was going to OL sex chat if he isn't going to conmit to online loyalty He didn't like that at all haven't emailed him like I use to everydaynot going on messenger he sent me a email asking me where I was I'm not answering him

[ExpatInItaly]

I think he told me because he still is sex chatting with my cousin or because he just wants me to be upset

 

I just can't seem to break it off with this guy ugh

 

You need to love yourself more and work on forming quality, real-life relationships.

 

That way, you won't even consider letting a creepy stranger online into your life.

 

I'm going to be very blunt - this isn't normal, OP. It's unhealthy for you on so many levels and indicates you need to do some serious inner discovery to figure out why you've allowed yourself to become attached to a toxic person you've never even laid eyes on.

 

Do you not feel you can do better than this?

Edited August 27, 2017 by ExpatInItaly

[NexttP]

Why exactly are you still with him? He's hot? He's rich? There are plenty of other hot/rich guys in the world... You already know he can't commit and you're not okay with this, what's making it so difficult?

[Seducedbypassion]

He's not rich . And we fell in love with each other first and didn't know what each other looked like until after. He is hot but not a reason that I'm with him. I don't know why I can't break free from him.