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5 year LD relationship over


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 8th August 2017, 2:11 PM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HarmonyDriven View Post
Maybe the ex-girlfriend is trying to do No Contact with you.....

Seriously, who cares if she blocked you from FaceBook. You need not care anymore....no contact....

Recovering from break ups take time, give yourself some time but stay away from anything and everything that reminds you of her.
====

Just read your 6:39pm post, even more reason why you need NO CONTACT; more reason she is not the right person for you, nor you for her.
Gotta move on......let it go. Yes, it will be hard. But it sounds like she has a lot of negatives that you can think about which should speed up your break up recovery.
She is hurt for sure because she told my aunt that she would contact me for her things once the dust has settled.

For saying once the dust has settled, and this was like end of july, it means she still had emotions running. I just won't answer my phone, i don't want to speak to her. she is going to ruin my no contact progress.

The only thing i can see for the future is her texting me happy birthday in mid september and even then she might even forget my birthday cause she got no memory lol
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Old 8th August 2017, 9:57 PM   #32
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OP, maybe you can have your aunt take the ex's belongings to her so you don't run the risk of seeing her? Or make some type of arrangement for someone to get her personal belongings out of your place and over to the ex?

The goal is not to see her, not to talk to her, not to think of her......ultimately.......so you can move on....happily.

Hopefully, she does not remember your birthday. = no contact.
Hopefully, you do not send her birthday wishes. = no contact

Good luck
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Old 8th August 2017, 10:24 PM   #33
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facebook name

Quote:
Originally Posted by HarmonyDriven View Post
Maybe the ex-girlfriend is trying to do No Contact with you.....

Seriously, who cares if she blocked you from FaceBook. You need not care anymore....no contact....

Recovering from break ups take time, give yourself some time but stay away from anything and everything that reminds you of her.
====

Just read your 6:39pm post, even more reason why you need NO CONTACT; more reason she is not the right person for you, nor you for her.
Gotta move on......let it go. Yes, it will be hard. But it sounds like she has a lot of negatives that you can think about which should speed up your break up recovery.
Today i ckecked facebook and now she changed her last name and removed all the letters except for the first 2.

Why would someone do that? the only reason i could think of is because i deactivated my account and she couldn't find me and thought i blocked her, so she changed her last name?

weird...
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Old 9th August 2017, 9:07 PM   #34
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2 months NC

Quote:
Originally Posted by HarmonyDriven View Post
OP, maybe you can have your aunt take the ex's belongings to her so you don't run the risk of seeing her? Or make some type of arrangement for someone to get her personal belongings out of your place and over to the ex?

The goal is not to see her, not to talk to her, not to think of her......ultimately.......so you can move on....happily.

Hopefully, she does not remember your birthday. = no contact.
Hopefully, you do not send her birthday wishes. = no contact

Good luck
Hi Harmony,

yeah i already did send her wishes her birthday was during our break. I know i broke NC, but she wanted me to take her out on her birthday, so instead i just texted her a casual happy birthday and she said thanks and that was it.
That was the last communication i had with her on june 10th. So tomorrow will be exactly 2 months of NC.

She did not call for her stuff yet, i guess the dust hasn't settled yet for her.

One of my buddies contacted me today to go spend the week end in Sutton, a ski area in the winter and a trail in the summer. But i took my ex there 5 years ago and i am worried i am going to get flashbacks of her if i go there.

I told him i would think about it, maybe i need more time before i go to places i have been with her. i can't stand reminders. I try to avoid objects and places i was with her. Is that normal ? or am i losing my mind?
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Old 10th August 2017, 12:14 PM   #35
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60 days NC

Today is another step towards moving on.
60 days of NC achieved. I know for some people it's not much.
For me it's something because it was a very difficult decision to take. You can't forget a 5 year LD relationship in a couple of weeks or months. I almost broke NC a few times, especially when i got news she was expecting me to call her.

She is the one who felt suffocated and wanted a break and space. It was up to her to call not me. I gave her space and a break and plenty of time to reflect.
It's tough to let go of your fears but you have to do it. if you fear losing her for good by doing NC, it's a chance you have to take. It's he only way you will know if she really loved you or not. I let go of this fear of never seeing her again. Also have to fight the fear of change. A lot of people fear the changes that life brings after a break up.

Sometimes a change is good for you, if you want a better life and you feel your life was not amazing while in the relationship because you let yourself go. Change will bring new projects, new career opportunities, new hobbies, meeting new people. Letting go of the past and just think of the present and tomorrow.

Law of attraction. how do you attract what you want? Why i read about this all the time and still cannot figure it out. Attracting what you want by visualizing it like you already have it ? Does this make sense ?
Can you visualize yourself getting back with your ex ? Can the law of attraction bring you back together ?
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Old 10th August 2017, 7:59 PM   #36
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Originally Posted by Pirandello View Post
Hi Harmony,

yeah i already did send her wishes her birthday was during our break. I know i broke NC, but she wanted me to take her out on her birthday, so instead i just texted her a casual happy birthday and she said thanks and that was it.
That was the last communication i had with her on june 10th. So tomorrow will be exactly 2 months of NC.

She did not call for her stuff yet, i guess the dust hasn't settled yet for her.

One of my buddies contacted me today to go spend the week end in Sutton, a ski area in the winter and a trail in the summer. But i took my ex there 5 years ago and i am worried i am going to get flashbacks of her if i go there.

I told him i would think about it, maybe i need more time before i go to places i have been with her. i can't stand reminders. I try to avoid objects and places i was with her. Is that normal ? or am i losing my mind?
Maybe you do need time before you go places you have been with the ex. Kind of like a shared song.....if you hear it, reminds of her, turn it off. Same concept.

Yes, I think it's normal. No, you are not losing your mind.
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Old 10th August 2017, 8:03 PM   #37
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Today is another step towards moving on.
60 days of NC achieved......

Can you visualize yourself getting back with your ex ? Can the law of attraction bring you back together ?

Excellent! 60 days NC! Woot! Woot! Congrats!

1. Nope, an ex is an ex for a reason
2. Possibly, all depends on many factors, but like I said, an X is an X for a reason
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Old 18th August 2017, 1:42 PM   #38
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almost 3 months after breakup

A little update,

it will be 3 months on august 27th and i don't know why but this week i have been thinking if i did the right thing by not calling her when she hinted to a family member of mine that she was waiting for my call...

Then i say to myself, what if i called her, maybe she would have told me some hurtful things like, a month has passed and i realized i have no more feelings for you or i met someone else or i prefer being alone right now.

if she lost the feelings in the first place, it's not a month break that would bring them back. What i don't understand is why was it up to me to call her when it was her idea to go on a break?

Then she said that she would call me when the dust had settled to come take her things, this was like 2 or 3 weeks ago... She hasn't called which i figure is a good thing because i don't want to break NC, i am not ready to talk to her and i am going in for therapy on wednesday.

Yes i been doing good by reading and writing about all the good and the bad, i been doing biking and weight lifting but i feel i need to see a psychologist because i can't seem to get it off my mind and still have a lot of anger, maybe because i felt betrayed the way she ended things, did not feel like she was a good partner, i kind of regret that i stayed that long with her and if i knew she would backstab me like this i would have ended it a long time ago.
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Old 22nd August 2017, 4:53 PM   #39
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Gaslighting or narcissistic

Hi everyone,

any of you heard of Gaslighting ? or another term Narcissistic ?

I have been reflecting on some moments of the failed relationship and i have a feeling i was dealing with a narcissistic girlfriend, she manipulated me into believing that i caused the relationship to fail with my doubts, which she called insecurities or jealousy.

Which is not true because i only had doubts in the last month, so i was always confident and i trusted her for 4 years and 10 months. Never did i display jealousy before this period where she changed and became cold and distant.

She also manipulated me into being an anti-social person when in reality she was the one who did not want to invite people over etc... yes i avoided her family because her brother had no respect for my family and he never apologized to my family for the crap he said.

She made me believe i was a lazy person and brought me breakfast in bed when i did not even ask for it. Why do this and then turnaround and call me lazy? It was like she was creating the negative situations on purpose to turn them against me...

To create ammo to use later when the breakup moment arrived. Does this make any sense ?
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Old 10th September 2017, 9:33 PM   #40
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a little update, today marks the 90 days of no contact.

I am doing better, i only think about her for a few minutes in the morning and sometimes on fridays, i found some good relationship tips on the internet, i found this relationship coach who has a book and videos on youtube, Corey Wayne. I recommend it to all who are suffering after a breakup or are having troubles in a relationship and don't know what to do. If i had found this book earlier i probably could have saved the relationship. No regrets though, things happen for a reason, accept things and move on and don't waste your time to try to make someone love you if they don't want to keep you. Be able to walk away and don't look back. If they want to be with you, eventually they will call you back, if not, move on and be happy with yourself and follow your purpose in life and be happy single for a while. Don't be afraid to be alone, be happy single and eventually you will attract someone good in your life. Someone that you mesh with and mutually deserve each other. Good luck!
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Old 18th September 2017, 6:34 PM   #41
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another little update,

Was my birthday 2 days ago and she didn't text me or call me to wish me happy birthday, was a little sad she didn't because i wished it to her on her birthday but i guess she is a total different person now and is a ghost of what she was. The good thing is at least No contact was not broken and did not fall back to day 1 and i am still moving forward.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 11:29 PM   #42
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Well, she is doing NO contact as are you. This is a good thing. Both of you are moving on which is needed in order to heal completely (IMO.) My exbf birthday was earlier this month and I wanted to send a HB text but I didn't. I was proud of myself for staying No Contact....I wished him Happy Birthday in my thoughts as I really do wish him well. But, I need to stay No Contact.

Oh.....Happy Belated Birthday!
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Old 23rd September 2017, 8:10 PM   #43
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Thank you Harmony,
it will be 4 months on september 27th that we broke up.
It was suppose to be a break of 1 month, but then we did not call each other once the break was over. What i have learned from relationships is if she wanted space and wanted break, then it was up to her to contact me after the one month period. I always keep feeling guilty i did not call her. But now it's too late and too much time has passed. I still think what would have happened if i called her? would things be different for better or for worse? I know no contact helped me heal and move on. For some reason i keep thinking why did she want a break and not a breakup ? Why did she tell my aunt she was waiting for my call ? It feels like i will never know the answers to these questions and it creates anger in me. What can i do to put this behind me for good and stop torturing myself with these questions ?
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Old 26th September 2017, 11:36 PM   #44
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What can i do to put this behind me for good and stop torturing myself with these questions ?
First, you put this behind you for good and stop torturing yourself with these questions.

Second, rinse.

Third, repeat.

You are doing great with NO CONTACT. Leave it at that.
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Old 27th September 2017, 1:44 PM   #45
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today is 4 months we broke up. Still hard to forget.
No contact has helped me heal. I still wonder what would have
Happened if i called her when she said she was expecting my call.
Was it for trying a 2nd time or was it just to say some meaningless
Things like: i am doing good and happy single. I guess i am better off
Not knowing.
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