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5 year LD relationship over


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 6th August 2017, 5:05 PM   #16
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Well, I understand about getting tired quicker, but I'm also guessing you being diabetic is why she is pushing you to be active because exercise helps your blood glucose and so does losing weight, but even exercise without losing helps you. She probably just doesn't want to sit around and watch you decline, honestly.
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Old 6th August 2017, 7:39 PM   #17
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If i knew she was honest, i would have broken NC for her and try to get back with her, but i know she lied to me at least twice if not 3 times about some things, i caught her in a lie twice. She mentioned the name of a guy she met in a trail while walking the dogs and the guy had a wife walking with him.

I then checked the guys name in facebook and he happens to work in the same department as her at a medical clinic, i am suspecting she is seeing him and she broke up with me before i found out. She was also calling me with a blocked private number the last week we spoke, so i think she was calling him with the number blocked so his wife would not find out...

I told her ''why you calling me with a blocked number you never do that? are you calling a married man ? '' she said i watch too many movies... lol

I am not stupid i knew she was up to something sneaky. I could be wrong, but i have a gut feeling she was seeing this guy when she would go walk our dog in the woods on a trail.

What's also suspicious is i checked both their facebook, and they both have the friends list hidden, and my ex blocked me recently on facebook. But anyways , i am done doing all this checking and questioning, it will be 2 months of no contact in 2 days so whatever she does now with her life is none of my business.

Sooner or later the truth will come out anyway and i will know if i was right or wrong.
I will also have clarity and closure and know that she faked her love for me and it wasn't authentic, i felt she was distant at times and she wasn't very romantic or affectionate, hot and cold all the time, it didn't feel genuine. It was like i had to get her a bottle of wine on friday nights to get her to open up with me or else she remained cold. This really ended up frustrating me at times and i said to myself is she ever going to be more affectionate ? or will i have to get her drunk to make her appreciate me. Now i am seeing this 2 months later after the breakup and it is an eye opener. Don,t want to be with a woman who doesn't feel 100% into me.
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Old 6th August 2017, 7:40 PM   #18
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Maybe the ex-girlfriend is trying to do No Contact with you.....

Seriously, who cares if she blocked you from FaceBook. You need not care anymore....no contact....

Recovering from break ups take time, give yourself some time but stay away from anything and everything that reminds you of her.
====

Just read your 6:39pm post, even more reason why you need NO CONTACT; more reason she is not the right person for you, nor you for her.
Gotta move on......let it go. Yes, it will be hard. But it sounds like she has a lot of negatives that you can think about which should speed up your break up recovery.

Last edited by HarmonyDriven; 6th August 2017 at 7:43 PM..
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Old 6th August 2017, 7:51 PM   #19
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Thank you Harmony,

I try everyday to not think about it, i made some progress, when i wake up now i think of breakfast and coffee, not her. lol.

I also think of good positive thoughts but i can't help it sometimes i get flashbacks of when i would leave on friday afternoons to go join her and this is the hardest part to forget.

I will never get into another long distance relationship because the breakups of these are extremely painful because we had high hopes of living together one day and now these are all gone with the wind.

We also tried to have a baby and she lost it back in 2012. We wanted to get married too and that hurts. This has to be the worst summer in my life. It will take time for me to forget this, it feels like a nightmare that won't end.
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Old 6th August 2017, 8:16 PM   #20
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She was a major part of your life and there will always be wonderful memories of your relationship. But, the relationship ran its course and now its over.

That's how simple it should be. The hard part is moving on and that's what time is for. With no contact and time passage, it gets easier.

The great thing about the mind is YOU choose what to think about.....good or bad.

For example, if you are listening to a song that reminds you of her, and this makes you sad, turn off the music and remember how poorly she treated you which should help you realize you are better off without her.

We all have faults. One way I find that helps with getting over exes is focusing on their faults. It makes me smile that I don't have to deal with those faults any longer.
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Old 6th August 2017, 8:22 PM   #21
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I got tired of the pets, i had dog hair all over my clothes, and the lovebirds would poop on my shirts when she would let them out of their cages.

Also we never had eggs for breakfast cause she was allergic and i had to deal with very loud snoring at night, it would wake me up often.

there i found a lot of negatives in a few phrases...
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Old 6th August 2017, 9:13 PM   #22
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It should make you smile or relieved you don't have to deal with those issues any longer......
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Old 6th August 2017, 9:38 PM   #23
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relief

Yes,

i am relieved for all those negatives, i do not have to deal with any longer, there are also many others i did not mention,

- She was french and only watched tv and movies in french, and movies translated in french are terrible.
- She had a lot of problems with her house and i was stuck repairing them and also i had to mow the lawn, paint, etc...
- I had to listen to all her problems like i was her psychologist
- She was on anti-depressants for 4 years and still is and menopause kicking in and she became very unstable, her personality changed.
- Her financial problems and debts became a big problem and she was always broke.

and i can find some more, but i won't bore you with this, i think you get the picture, i wanted to help her, but at some point you just feel you can't do miracles and it's like she needs to win the lottery or find a rich man to save her from her chaos. I offered to come live with me in the city but she refused and said she preferred living in the country and wanted to be in that area.

I don't blame her, with the dog and her work place being 15 to 20 mins away.
I just think she made a big mistake buying that house which was built in 2009 with very cheap materials and she paid too much for it.

But now that is her problem and my name was not in the contract because i wasn't there when she bought it.

I will probably move in that area one day too and i will buy a better house with a garage and pool and everything included.

Why would i do that you must be asking yourself? Not to piss her off or anything, i really enjoyed the area, it was close to nature, was quiet and peaceful, i hope one day to be with a woman who loves me genuinely and we can buy a nice house there and be happy.
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Old 7th August 2017, 12:43 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chilli View Post
But who are you , yknow. if your happy with the way you do things and the things you like to do,then that's for you, not her way.
But things like if you do this and if you do that then bla bla, eff that buddy, you shouldn't have to do deals in this stuff , especially just to get the honor of paying off her house for her.

Your instincts are spot on, dreams and all,you not accepting the crap, all of it.
A person like this will usually only find other ways to hurt you in the end anyway no matter what you do.
I asked my shrink what it was that she liked about me. He said...."You were convenient"

It was as if, the more I gave...the more she would take. and any boundary on my part was a one way ticket to "You don't support me. You don't this....you don't that.." She always gave me the feeling that if we had gotten married....she'd have wanted my bank accounts in her name....even though she's worth 5x what I'm worth.

Nothing would have been enough. She'd eventually have left anyway. After there was nothing left to take. That was the feeling the woman gave me. There's a name for women like her....(actually more than one)
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Last edited by whatnot; 7th August 2017 at 12:48 AM..
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Old 7th August 2017, 11:25 AM   #25
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yes that's exactly how i felt, i was convenient for her because i did all the things she could not do on her own for her house. When she saw there was nothing more to take, she got bored and hinted to me a few times that she wanted to meet people, make new friends and that she felt suffocated in our relationship. These are all red flags that she wasn't happy and was getting ready to exit.

I should have taken those signs seriously and dump her before she dumped me. she fooled me because she was saying she wanted a break because she was going back to work in a new job position so she wanted a break to focus on her career.

Her true reason is she wanted out and was just softening the breakup. I say it doesn't matter who did the dumping now, whatnot we must take this as a lesson for the next relationship.

Like you said: Nothing would have been enough. She'd eventually have left anyway.
Spot on! whatever you do, in the end they will never be happy, they will just use you until they are done. Why ? because they have friends and their friends always compare and brag about what they have and what they don't...

The names for these type of women is: High Maintenance, Users, Manipulators, Selfish, and i can go on, but not here to do woman bashing.

I think i needed to put boundaries from the beginning, the fact that i didn't , i ended up with a woman who wanted too much from me and at one point i even had to tell her: ''hey i am not your employee, i am just here on week ends, 2 or 3 days and you always ask me to do chores around your house or fix stuff or paint...
I even brought her groceries each week end because she didn't have much food.
If i did stuff for her it was because i did it to help her out and was my pleasure, but when i felt forced to do it and did not feel like it, this is when it got me furious.
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Old 7th August 2017, 11:53 AM   #26
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they're out there Pirandello. Women who'll love who you are and not just for what they can get from you.

My first g/f in college. She wanted nothing from me. She just wanted me. And I knew that. But ... it scared me. It made me feel...that....I'd lose myself....and there'd be nothing inside me if I let her look.


Ever since then, it's been women who want. I flew for a company....I was paid so good to do that. And I was flying with a guy one day who told me (over a 3 or 4 day trip you get to know each other pretty well)...."You're going to have a problem." "What's that?" He said..."the money your making and you being single. It's gonna be tough. Knowing which women want you for you and which women want you for your money".

My ex wife left me for an attorney. My ex g/f left me for a lit-up geetar-man.

But that little pearl....who I was so afraid of in college....you could see right through her. She was so transparent...no agendas.


You sound like a giver. There's women out there that's appreciative and grateful. That if you give them who you are....and let them see who you are....they will not take advantage. They'd love nothing more than to be married to a man who doesn't mind doing chores....going to the store, etc...so appreciative, in fact....that if you don't wanna always do them on their timeline....they'll understand....and you will not feel taken advantage of.

(at least that's what my shrink says LOL but...no....really...I've met 'em.....they're there man) It's my job....in the interim....to reveal those big 'ol boogie men inside of me that I feel would be so bad if exposed.....

Last edited by whatnot; 7th August 2017 at 12:21 PM..
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Old 7th August 2017, 1:12 PM   #27
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this going to be a long one

whatnot,

i warn you this is going to be a long thread, lol.

I have a lot of hurt inside and anger and i have to get it out.
For now this is my only place i can talk about it.
I booked an appointment with psychologist but there is a long waiting list.

When she decided to break it, she was confused as hell, she showed mixed emotions. First she was a cold hearted B**** and did not even let me in the main entrance and told me to go in the basement and my stuff was all packed in bags. I felt like i was a criminal and i had committed a crime with her. This is the treatment i got. i collapsed to the floor in shock, my blood sugar spiked to 20 mmol, which is not very good.

I told her i can't take all my stuff and hit the road right away, i need to calm down and take insulin. She had a little remorse and let me in the living room upstairs. As we sat down, she said give me the keys to the house and car. she had given me the extra keys at the beginning of our relationship. I gave her the keys and then she said she had lost her feelings in the end and felt we were like roommates. She felt suffocated and she wanted it over.

I said i don't understand we only see each other on week ends, how can you feel suffocated? She said i became too jealous and insecure. I explained to her that this happened because she changed a lot and was spending more time by herself and calling me and texting me less and less than usual. She was more distant and cold and not intimate with me anymore.

So i feel i was having doubts, when you have doubts you may appear as insecure and that's normal. I got a little emotional because i felt she lacked empathy and became like another person, evil person with no heart, no understanding, this was not her usual self. It's like she had been brainwashed by friends and family or her psychologist.

I know this because she has a low self esteem and is very easy influenced by others opinions. So once she saw me emotional, it's like her old self came back for a moment and she offered we stay in contact and do some outdoor activities once a week and if i would show her i was active again she would reconsider and we would get back together in a month.

I packed my stuff in car and went back home. she texts me an hour later to go for a walk. I accept and we go for ice cream. we say goodbye and she kisses me and giggles. The following week she called me everyday at night to talk about her day and say goodnight.

The last day we spoke was a friday and this time she called me in the morning and we talked for 2 hours, she tells me she won't be calling me at night because she is going swimming and then going out and she will be home late.

You can imagine i had a very bad night of sleep, all kinds of scenarios popping in my head and i then realised, why am i doing this, why am i accepting her to treat me like this and have so much power over me?
The next day when she called to go walk our dog, i ignored her calls, she left me 3 messages in my voice mail, she texted me like 5 times, i ignored her for a good hour and she even tried to call my parents, they ignored her too.

I gave her a taste of her own medicine, when she ignored my calls or texted me 2 hours later. I told her that i needed a real break and no contact for a month. I needed to do a reflection on myself and the relationship. We were suppose to contact each other a month later but nothing happened, she has too much pride to take phone and call. I am the dumpee and i know by rule that i should not break NC and have not broken it. it's been 2 months now of NC.

She told a family member of mine that she would call me soon to get her things, but i know she won't, she doesn't have the courage to call, she feels guilt and even blocked me on facebook because she probably checked my status often and had to stop.

What's even more weird about her is that she wanted to celebrate her birthday with me and go to a friend's wedding with me in august. How can she even think doing that while we are on a break ?

I know for a fact now that we are officially over. She is just too selfish, a manipulating liar and i can't trust her anymore.
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Old 7th August 2017, 2:56 PM   #28
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getting my stuff back

2 weeks ago, my aunt contacted her to get my stuff back, i did not ask her to do this, but she volunteered to, also to try to see what was going on on her side.

She told her to show up at her house on a sunday at 4 pm, When she got there, the whole family was there, was like they were protecting her from my aunt.

They probably thought i sent her there to try to convince her to come back. So that goes to show you that she let her family decide for her, she can't make her own decisions.

They probably said, look at him he sends his aunt to get his stuff...
I am sure her brother who hated me so much must have said, he doesn't even have the courage to come here himself.
Some people would say that is breaking NC, but i say whatever works to don't fall back to square 1.

But i kept my word, i told her when we broke up i would never come back to the house and send someone to get my things.
Even though i did not go, when my aunt came back and gave me news it was almost like i broke NC.
She did not give her any news about me though.

I told her once, if you let your family into our relationship it is going to kill it.
Sure enough she did and we have the result today as i predicted.
They are all broken up, divorced, separated, single. None of them are in a relationship and it's like they were jealous of us and just wanted us broken up.
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Old 7th August 2017, 7:45 PM   #29
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yes

Quote:
Originally Posted by preraph View Post
Well, I understand about getting tired quicker, but I'm also guessing you being diabetic is why she is pushing you to be active because exercise helps your blood glucose and so does losing weight, but even exercise without losing helps you. She probably just doesn't want to sit around and watch you decline, honestly.
yes you are right preraph, but i am not equipped with blood glucose monitoring systems like some diabetic athletes have.

I would need a continuous glucose meter which monitors glucose 24h/7 so hypos can be avoided during intense workouts.

I am not overweight, i am thin and in good shape, i just need to stay active so the sugar is burned and insulin works better when you move.

she just needed to understand that i can't follow her intensity or pace, i have to do it at my own pace. She is a nurse and she should understand this, but she did not have any diabetic training in her resume.
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Old 8th August 2017, 10:03 AM   #30
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a week before the break up i took her for breakfast and all she had was a bagel with some fruits on the side while i ordered the big plate of eggs benedict and you had to see her staring at my plate. lol.

You could tell she wanted some. But i had to make her suffer for all the times we could not eat eggs for breakfast because she was allergic and she refused many times to go get an allergy treatment for it. it is treatable.
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