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5 year LD relationship over


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 31st July 2017, 10:12 PM   #1
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5 year LD relationship over

Hi,

my ex decided to end things on may 27th, she claimed i was not doing enough exercise with her or outdoor activities...

I started to see flags like 1 month before she broke up. But are these true reasons a woman will dump her guy ? i don't believe so.
The day of the breakup, she texted me she wanted a break, then i get to her house an hour later, and all my stuff is packed and she says it's over. She tells me she felt like we became roommates in the end and lost her feelings and she also felt like she was choking and needed space.

Then she sees me get emotional and she says let's take a break and see each other once a week and talk once a day on phone. Then when the day for doing activity came, she said we would meet somewhere to walk our dog with separate cars and we would have to leave at 6pm...

When i heard her say this, i changed my mind and said to myself ok she wants to do this on her terms, it's not going to work. So i told her i prefer not texting, calling, or seeing her, i wanted a real break with no contact.

She was reluctant at the begining, but then a few hours later texted me and said ok, and sent me a kiss. She said let's do this and call each other on july 2nd after the break.

July 2nd came and we did not call each other... on july 20th she spoke with one of my family members and told them she was expecting my call...

Why is she expecting my call if she the one who wanted to break up in the first place ?
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Old 1st August 2017, 1:34 AM   #2
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reads like she lives next door



"Why is she expecting my call if she the one who wanted to break up in the first place ?"

I'm sure others will take a stab at this. My guess is....she misses you...but not so much she wants it back the way it was....at least not yet...if ever

btw and fwiw....every break up post ask this question.

You really need to ask her....unless you're truly done with her for good. Be forewarned....could be painful to talk. Just getting dumped every time you talk gets....painful and old after a while.
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Old 1st August 2017, 7:23 AM   #3
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Nice job not excepting her bread crumb's though it woke her up a bit.
But anyway ,think she's already told ya , needs some space , wants to do more stuff, sounds like she's on her way out sorry. .
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Old 1st August 2017, 10:37 AM   #4
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no contact

Quote:
Originally Posted by whatnot View Post
reads like she lives next door



"Why is she expecting my call if she the one who wanted to break up in the first place ?"

I'm sure others will take a stab at this. My guess is....she misses you...but not so much she wants it back the way it was....at least not yet...if ever

btw and fwiw....every break up post ask this question.

You really need to ask her....unless you're truly done with her for good. Be forewarned....could be painful to talk. Just getting dumped every time you talk gets....painful and old after a while.
Well i will keep doing No contact, because it saved me from going crazy and calling and texting, i disappeared from her life like i promised her and she will have to experience what life is without me and meanwhile i will focus on myself and making every aspect of my life better.

If she has too much pride or wants me to chase her, i have news for her, i won't fall for her games and i won't accept to do things on her terms only.
It is extremely hard to block her out because sometimes i get thoughts of when the week end would come and i would go meet her at her house and spend time together, but she told me straight she was tired of the week end thing and wanted me to live with her.

I could not make the move right away because she lives in an area where there is very few jobs there and we both had financial problems. There was too many variables against us: Money, family, distance, work, also she was on cymbalta anti depressant and she changed a lot after taking it for a few years.

It also killed her libido and made the relationship weaker. Physical attraction kept going down until we had none in the last month.

I guess this was a doomed relationship and i must accept the facts and move on and not have any hopes of a reconciliation.

She told my family she wants to meet me one last time to get some things of hers but i don't know if i should see her in person again...
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Old 1st August 2017, 11:05 PM   #5
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bread crumbs

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Originally Posted by Chilli View Post
Nice job not excepting her bread crumb's though it woke her up a bit.
But anyway ,think she's already told ya , needs some space , wants to do more stuff, sounds like she's on her way out sorry. .
It's ok man, sometimes in life you have to let go the ones you love, it's not a weakness, it is courage, and going full no contact for months and months is a sign of resiliency.

Like you said i don't take bread crumbs and don't accept to be a plan B or a safety net for her.

May this be an example for others going through this, do strict no contact and give her the radio silence. When they push you away and ask for space, do the same and push them away.
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Old 1st August 2017, 11:11 PM   #6
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YES! Keep doing NO CONTACT. Best thing ever when break ups happen.

Think about it.....with these break ups (with the same person) your lives would never get back to the fun, loving relationship it used to be. The best you have with this person are all the wonderful memories you get to keep.

But now, it's time to move on and realize this woman IS not the right person for you. She never will be.

IMO, don't meet with her.....have friends handle any exchange of personal belongings. No contact is just that. Done.

Everyone has negative qualities.....this would be a great time to focus on her negatives and tell yourself - she did you a favor. Good luck
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Old 2nd August 2017, 1:50 PM   #7
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risk factor of moving in with her

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Originally Posted by HarmonyDriven View Post
YES! Keep doing NO CONTACT. Best thing ever when break ups happen.

Think about it.....with these break ups (with the same person) your lives would never get back to the fun, loving relationship it used to be. The best you have with this person are all the wonderful memories you get to keep.

But now, it's time to move on and realize this woman IS not the right person for you. She never will be.

IMO, don't meet with her.....have friends handle any exchange of personal belongings. No contact is just that. Done.

Everyone has negative qualities.....this would be a great time to focus on her negatives and tell yourself - she did you a favor. Good luck
You know what's funny, this morning i was having a dream of her and it was like a voice telling me, ''Forget her, she just wanted you to go work to pay her house mortgage'' and it's true she wanted me to move in with her while she works only 2 or 3 times a week and i would go work full time to pay for her house which my name is not even on the contract. She had financial issues and credit card debts.

Then i would be stuck with her on her terms and lose my apartment and if she would lose interest in me again she would kick me out again and i would not have a place to stay.

This is why i did not want to take this risk because i knew she was not 100% into me and it was a big risk to go live with her. She also could find someone wealthier than me while i was at work on her days off... I did not trust her, she lied to me a few times and told her family some secrets of ours.

Once trust is broken you can't go back.
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Old 2nd August 2017, 8:44 PM   #8
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Issue resolved!

See, problem solved - SHE did you a favor! You dodged a bullet.

While it may hurt from time to time, no contact is the way to go!
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Old 3rd August 2017, 10:47 AM   #9
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no contact

You are right, it hurts from time to time, you have some days where you are glad you did no contact and then other days you wish you could have stayed in contact to try to save things, hoping they would change their mind if they kept seeing you.

She offered this to me, she said: i give you 1 month to show me you can be active again, and if you prove to me you can, then we can get back together.

I just did not believe this because, it takes more than a month to become a better version or yourself and it's done with no contact and lots of motivation and the will to really change and become better. She also wanted to meet in separate cars at another location than her home and with a curfew. Which i found very strange. Like she did not want to be seen with me around her house.

If you stick around your ex you won't be able to accomplish this, i am not overweight or anything, i am slim, but i have diabetes type 1.5 and the only reason i wasn't doing all the outdoor activities with her was because of the fact i could get hypoglycemia if i did too much without checking my blood sugar. In her case she was trying to lose weight, so the intensity of the exercises were pretty high on a daily basis.

I explained this to her many times, but she kept saying i was lazy and did not want to spend time with her. So for me just the fact that she was trying to change me, is enough to make me want it over. You should not have to change too many things about yourself just to be in a relationship. If the person loves you they will accept you the way you are.
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Old 3rd August 2017, 8:44 PM   #10
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Relationships should be easy

Relationships take effort but overall it should be easy. It should not be difficult to have a loving relationship. If it feels like constant work, then best to let it go.

What you have described sounds exhausting.....it doesn't matter about who called who, or didn't call.....too much work.....time to move on. IMO, no contact is the way to go....time to heal.

Think about.....do you honestly think you two could get back to a loving, caring relationship? With everything you have noted......I don't think so, but that's just me. Good luck
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Old 4th August 2017, 5:08 AM   #11
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But who are you , yknow. if your happy with the way you do things and the things you like to do,then that's for you, not her way.
But things like if you do this and if you do that then bla bla, eff that buddy, you shouldn't have to do deals in this stuff , especially just to get the honor of paying off her house for her.

Your instincts are spot on, dreams and all,you not accepting the crap, all of it.
A person like this will usually only find other ways to hurt you in the end anyway no matter what you do.
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Old 4th August 2017, 2:00 PM   #12
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the blame game

Another thing i did not mention, was the blame game she played on me.

Everything that went wrong in our relationship was always my fault.

Even her brother blamed me for the miscarriage she had the first year we were together. When in reality it was that at age 41 she only had 20 to 30% chance to have a baby.

''You are too negative, you are this, you are that...'' But all the good things i did for her she overlooked them. Only saw the negatives...

I am now free of this blame and what a relief.
I would be curious to see now what she will accomplish in her life without me...
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Old 5th August 2017, 6:08 PM   #13
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facebook

Just noticed today she has blocked me on facebook...

Why would she do this? It was an easy breakup, we did not fight or anything...

It's not like it's a big thing but, do you guys think maybe she was checking my page too often and had to block me so she not tempted ?
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Old 5th August 2017, 6:58 PM   #14
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Don't know. Why are you expecting hers?

Now be honest. Did you just waste her time by playing video games and ignoring her when you were together? And why weren't you willing to get outside and do things with her? It's not like she didn't try to let you know what was wrong and try to fix it, but yet you're blaming her.
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Old 6th August 2017, 11:45 AM   #15
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I only played video games when she was watching her girly shows on tv, which i wasn't interested in watching.

I was willing to go walk the dog with her, but in the end she wanted to go for very very long walks, i would get tired faster because i am diabetic and i could not go for super long walks, and she knew that, it's like if she was pushing my limits on purpose to test me.

I am not putting the blame only on her, i admit i am to blame too, i did some mistakes, but if the roles were inversed and it was my house, i would have had a good talk with her before kicking her out of the house with no explanation.

If you can't communicate and just act with your emotions without thinking, there is a serious problem.
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