Lovezen_30 Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 I have been offered a job abroad for the duration of a 9 month contract in probably my favourite country (I lived here once before, for a year). This job will allow me to make more money and save what I need to in the job sector that I want to enter into. The application process was long and began around the time I started dating my boyfriend (9 months ago). We love each other very much and this is hands down the best relationship I've been in. He says he sees us being together long term and he is really supportive of my decision/says that he will visit (we will be approx 4 hours apart). I will also visit him. But tonight I had dinner with my parents and my dad has been planting seeds of doubt. He thinks it's a bad idea to go so 'early' in the relationship and believes it could spell the end for the relationship! Can people who have been through this please give me some perspectives? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 Your long term financial future is way more important than a relatively short dating relationship. Guys are a dime a dozen; a good job is hard to find. You have only been with your BF for 9 months. It's too early to talk seriously about a lifetime commitment like marriage. Absent marriage you should never base a career decision on a relationship. Lots of people survive the distance. Look at all the military marriages. You have lots of technology to stay in touch. You can visit each other. Take the job. If you & your BF can't make this work, you didn't have a strong enough bond to begin with. P.S. Ask your father if he would give you the same advice if you were his son, not his daughter 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 Your long term financial future is way more important than a relatively short dating relationship. Guys are a dime a dozen; a good job is hard to find. You have only been with your BF for 9 months. It's too early to talk seriously about a lifetime commitment like marriage. Absent marriage you should never base a career decision on a relationship. Lots of people survive the distance. Look at all the military marriages. You have lots of technology to stay in touch. You can visit each other. Take the job. If you & your BF can't make this work, you didn't have a strong enough bond to begin with. P.S. Ask your father if he would give you the same advice if you were his son, not his daughter Damn, I like you! 4 hours is nothing for 9 months...... How old are you two?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lovezen_30 Posted June 12, 2017 Author Share Posted June 12, 2017 Your long term financial future is way more important than a relatively short dating relationship. Guys are a dime a dozen; a good job is hard to find. You have only been with your BF for 9 months. It's too early to talk seriously about a lifetime commitment like marriage. Absent marriage you should never base a career decision on a relationship. Lots of people survive the distance. Look at all the military marriages. You have lots of technology to stay in touch. You can visit each other. Take the job. If you & your BF can't make this work, you didn't have a strong enough bond to begin with. P.S. Ask your father if he would give you the same advice if you were his son, not his daughter See, this is what I think - that our bond is strong enough to withstand this and that if it didn't, then, what does that say about the relationship anyway? What is funny about my dad saying that is that as part of the same conversation, he talked about how important it is for girls to have the same chances as boys (he works in education!!). I also think that as I am his only child he really doesn't move me to move and is using excuses. We are 25 going on 26. I agree it is early days but this relationship also feels different to the others. I feel more love and contentment with this man and don't want him to put the relationship in serious jeapordy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 This may be more about daddy missing you. We'll give him a pass on that one. I'm glad you think your bond with your BF is strong enough. Go for the job. I made an LDR work across 3,000 miles before technology. We had snail mail letters & 1 phone call for 1 hour after 11 p.m. my time on Wednesdays when the long distance rates dropped. We did get to see each other 3 times per year for 2+ weeks so that helped. That guy & I ended up breaking up but the distance is not what did us in. You can do this! 9 months isn't that long. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 It can work. You have the right attitude. Its not for that long. Read some of these threads here on what NOT to do. Dont overthink every single word in every single text. Dont start letting your brain work overtime if he doesnt text back immediately. Concentrate on what you will be doing, work hard, and the time will fly. But PLEASE dont overthink everything. If its a strong enough relationship, it will be worth waiting for. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 4 hours a part is nothing , you two can easily visit. We were on the opposite sides of the world and we did it 14mths. l can see your dads concerns but really if you two are real , and strong, you should be able to survive that ok. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 A 4 hour drive for 9 months? Even if you do see a future with this guy, that's a no brainer. Take the job. Lets put it this way - if you two were meant to be, you'd survive the distance. Plenty of couples have survived far worse - 9 months of seeing each other once a month or so is absolutely nothing. If a R can't withstand that, it likely isn't worth having for the long term. (If we were talking a 12-hour plane ride away for 3 years or something, then my answer might potentially be different) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ashl Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 Of course you should go. It's for the future of you both. Holding a person back isn't love. He's supporting you because he knows it's a good thing to do. Go, learn, enjoy and he'll be there if he's for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 See, this is what I think - that our bond is strong enough to withstand this and that if it didn't, then, what does that say about the relationship anyway? What is funny about my dad saying that is that as part of the same conversation, he talked about how important it is for girls to have the same chances as boys (he works in education!!). I also think that as I am his only child he really doesn't move me to move and is using excuses. We are 25 going on 26. I agree it is early days but this relationship also feels different to the others. I feel more love and contentment with this man and don't want him to put the relationship in serious jeapordy. I am one for LDR, when they happen like this you should do what ever it takes to be with this man. Love can come in all forms. To me when it happens you should jump hoops for it! I am one of these right now myself. I wish it was just 4 hrs different mine is like over 5,000 miles and 15 hrs. I would ask the CEO of this company I was with and use one our planes to fly to my girl if I could. I know dreams do come true but in time for me. I wish you to the best.. Love between you two is very strong I can feel it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 Talk to some military wives. Link to post Share on other sites
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