LovelyRose Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 Hi..I have this guy..he's a family friend and lives in another state. We have met few times at various family events but never really hangout or talk much. Long story short up until a month ago we started talking all day everyday. About two weeks after talking we have expressed that we like each other and want to date. So he booked a flight to see me. That was this last weekend. So the whole two weeks of,waiting to see each other was sooo much fun. We talked endlessly and flirted and played and sent naughty messages. There was so much excitement. He was so sweet and always excited to talk to me. We have exchanged naughty pictures all that stuff. We finally hangout. It was fun. Before he came to see me,he had asked me,how do,I want him to introduce me,to his sister. A friend, by my name or as his gf. I guess I misunderstood him. Coz when we talked in person he said he's not ready to have a gf yet. But he really likes me and he has never been this happy in a really long time. He's divorced from a 13 yr relationship. That was 3 years ago. He dated few months here and there. Now I feel like hes not as excited anymore. His responses to our chats are longer than before. He still expresses how much he likes me but the pure excitement is not the same. We don't play as much anymore either. No more,naughty pics and convos. But he said he likes me and had so much fun hanging out with me. Not even just the sex part. Am I worrying too much? Is it just that honey moon phase is over? I just miss how we were before. But I know I should be happy that now he's not just thinking about sex, he's just thinking of me period. Should I be worried? Or he's taking it slow now and got scared we may be moving too fast. I'm supposed to see him in two weeks. But he's not expressing much excitement anymore. I know I'm missing so much details here but I hope someone can give me advice. I really really adore this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 What are you doing to maintain that level of playfulness? If you want a naughty picture, send one. One person never has the sole laboring oar in a relationship. LDR's take work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyRose Posted April 6, 2017 Author Share Posted April 6, 2017 There's more to the story. We had talked so much about what to do to each other. When we finally got together we didn't do nearly half of it. He passed out by midnight. Understandable..he wakes up at 6am everyday. I joked that no more naughty talks because we get too excited. Now I,think he took it seriously. Because even when I try to play he wouldn't respond. He would just give me a kissing emoji. He doesn't even call me angel anymore like he used to Before when I say I'm,about to get off work he would say, do,I get to hear my angels voice? Now its nothing..but he still calls. Its just not as fun anymore. Maybe I scared him when I asked where do we stand..if we have a label. Grrrrr Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 Try being your old playful self. See if he responds. . . kind of action speak louder than words way to back off the label conversation. Pushing further discussion or mentioning how you feel will make him perceive you as whiney & needy. I am not saying you are either of those things. You simply want what was but it's a delicate balance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyRose Posted April 6, 2017 Author Share Posted April 6, 2017 Why did he change???? Its driving me nuts. I am still playful but he shuts it down. He's not responding like he responds in a way that it ends there. I probably did scare him. Dang it! I wasn't trying to rush things. I'm just old fashioned. I don't get this whole label crap. We are exclusive and we like each other. To me that's more like bf gf type of thing. Hes just way quiet now compared before. Or maybe he's not putting much effort now that its been a month talking endlessly with me. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 (edited) Take a big step back and see if he initiates more. Sometimes going overboard with the sweet nothings before really spending much time together builds up false expectations. That's why it's generally not a good idea to get too carried away early on, because these changes in behaviour feel that much more magnified. To be fair, he told you he's not ready for a girlfriend. I would believe him. He's trying to keep your expectations low now, as he knows you would enjoy a closer relationship. It doesn't mean he doesn't like you, but I would not be expecting too much to come of this with him being a plane-ride away and not looking for a relationship. In my honest opinion, I would wary of this guy. He was calling you "my angel" and sexting before even taking you on a proper date. That's not a good sign, in my experience. It sounds to me like he knows what to say to get what he wants, without behaving like a gentleman. Do you know if he's been seeing anyone else? Edited April 6, 2017 by ExpatInItaly Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyRose Posted April 7, 2017 Author Share Posted April 7, 2017 He is my cousin's best friend of 10 years or so and best man on his wedding (my cousin). After we have expressed we want to try dating he told me he wouldn't go any deeper until he told my cousin and ask,for his approval. Thankfully my cousin gave his ok. But I told him I want us to be a secret from my family until we already know where we are going with this. He's been single for a while. Again, he was divorced from a wife who cheated on him. I'm not rushing things either but I'm just sad the excitement went down. I agree, maybe he is now taking it slow. He said hes never been this happy and giddy in a long time. But that was before we hangout. Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 Maybe time to plan a trip to see him? Also my wife cheated on me.... He might be throwing up a wall to protect himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyRose Posted April 8, 2017 Author Share Posted April 8, 2017 I booked a flight to see him in two weeks. I booked it the day before I saw him. Yes he did explain that he is slow in this process. I'm not tripping on the label. I'm just concerned that he is less excited and his response time is longer now. We are still talking day and night. Just way less chat now. He still likes me..just not as sweet as before. Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 It sounds like he's playing his cards right then. If he maintained the same level then you would get bored/not be as excited to see him. If he cranked it up then it might turn you off or be overkill or cause him to go into the 'you only care about sex' category. But cut back the throttle and now you're guessing and wondering and anticipation is building. Lol. Don't you know this dance? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 I booked a flight to see him in two weeks. I booked it the day before I saw him. Yes he did explain that he is slow in this process. I'm not tripping on the label. I'm just concerned that he is less excited and his response time is longer now. We are still talking day and night. Just way less chat now. He still likes me..just not as sweet as before. See what happens after you visit him. I would sit back and observe for now. The constant chatting also isn't sustainable for most; it's too time-consuming and tedious to be on your phone like that all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyRose Posted April 8, 2017 Author Share Posted April 8, 2017 Thanks guys for taking the time to respond. And no I don't know this dance. When he told me he's not ready for the label I said then I'm putting up my walls a little. He said he doesn't like it one bit but he understands. Just don't put it up so high he can't get in. Later on that day I told him I take it back. I realize once my walls start to come up they keep going up then youre blocked. Why would I get turned off? I'm starting to feel he's losing interest. Gosh I feel like a teenage girl just now learning the dating scene ugh! Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 l think , it's pretty possible he is losing interest sorry to say, it just fits. But , l might be wrong so don't give up until you see him next and keep an open mind until you see how that all goes. Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 Just wait to see how he acts when you get there. He's leading the dance for this song. You get the next one. Could be he's busy planning an awesome surprise. You'll know when you visit. If he seems unexciting when you're there don't talk to him after you leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyRose Posted April 8, 2017 Author Share Posted April 8, 2017 I lost it. I texted him yesterday about my feelings that I really feel he changed. That I don't know anymore if he still likes me. No response yet. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 I lost it. I texted him yesterday about my feelings that I really feel he changed. That I don't know anymore if he still likes me. No response yet. What did you say in your text? Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted April 9, 2017 Share Posted April 9, 2017 No repsonse , not a good sign l'm afraid unless he was just too busy and waiting to relax and talk about it later. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyRose Posted April 9, 2017 Author Share Posted April 9, 2017 He already responded yesterday. There's a lot more that happened but its too much to type and share. I sent him a lengthy message on Friday about everything and yesterday after his class he responded. Yes I scared him when I talked about labels and he said I came off strong during our meeting get together. So I responded back again. So I'm waiting now. He likes me a lot and I make him smile, he hasn't been this happy in a really long time. but he has so much in his plate. He wakes up at 5 am everyday, has class twice a week which ends at 9pm. and for the past month I've been keeping him up until midnight almost. Its catching up to him he said. He did slack off during our get to know phase. He said he needs to refocus now on his goals because he wants to make sure we are handling our business while exploring us. He is a great guy I'm just too paranoid I guess. Its long distance too. Now I'm doing my best to just relax and see where this goes. No more texts and chats though I feel like though. So im done worrying and just go with the flow see where the current takes me. Thanks guys! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 9, 2017 Share Posted April 9, 2017 It's super easy to get all excited and in your head about someone long distance and then the reality doesn't live up to your imagination. I know you'd met before, but you were both talking a certain way and then that's hard to pull off in person and can be awkward. Also, maybe he felt the chemistry just wasn't there. I mean who you imagine is a lot different than the real deal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Are you still planning to go and visit him, OP? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyRose Posted April 10, 2017 Author Share Posted April 10, 2017 Yes I am..next Friday! We both can't wait. We're ok now. I'm still waiting for him to read my lengthy reply to his message to me. But we already talked on the phone and discussed few things. He said he did get scared because for the first time in so long he hasn't felt this way and when we met..he was so shocked that we actually clicked and he didn't know what to do. He said he was used to things not working out. So with everything going on with him and his past bad experiences I know I have to be patient. I assured him that all I want is for us to be happy with each other with no expectations. That I am on the same level that I'd like to take things slow. After all, my family doesn't know about us yet. The chats has gotten way less but I've expected it anyway. But he is slowly getting back to being sweet like before. So overall I am happy and just being optimistic! Thanks so much guys for the time. I really adore him and he is the first ever guy that actually took the time to read my messages over and over again and actually dealt with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyRose Posted April 12, 2017 Author Share Posted April 12, 2017 I'd like to start a new thread Link to post Share on other sites
Dark Horse Posted April 16, 2017 Share Posted April 16, 2017 Well as my momma always said, being a wondering worrying willow ain't good for your health. Sometimes in life, you need to slow the *** down and smell the roses because your life in this universe is very short. Don't worry and be happy Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyRose Posted April 17, 2017 Author Share Posted April 17, 2017 Hahaha yes I agree. I'm really doing my best to not worry. I tell myself to just have faith. It's just harder now because we're not chatting or talking as much anymore. I miss him so much. I miss laughing and playing with him. I just look,forward to seeing him this Friday. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyRose Posted April 19, 2017 Author Share Posted April 19, 2017 Couple more days and I see him. Now I don't even talk to him sometimes for the whole day, with him just texting me once. He still says he can't wait to see me. I'm really confused if I should address how I feel when I get there or just leave it alone. I'm just thinking what if he changed because of miscommunication. How do I know the fine line between be patient or don't be foolish because he's not into me :'( Link to post Share on other sites
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