Baabidi Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 Hi all, I really am desperate for some perspective on the problems I'm facing currently. The guilt is killing me inside for making her wait so long. I've been in LDR with her from the past 3 years, its been too long for her and she doesn't want to wait anymore. I have flew there couple of times to meet her. Since last year most of our fights is due to distance and the promises I broke. I promised her I would move there last year. The only way for me to move there is to enroll in Master's program and eventually get a job and settle there. The issue is I have bad grades and its very tough for me to get accepted to a University. The only way for me to stand a chance is to improve my profile and I decided to get a job where I currently live, work on challenging projects and improve my skills. Its been nearly 1 and a half years and I have achieved a lot at work. Developed my own apps, worked hard at work and I'm about to quit my job here to focus on moving there. The plan is for me to move there in a few months. She has been supportive of this and waited patiently but lately she always fights with me, calls me coward, saying I shouldn't have taken this job and moved there last year. I told her my fears of not getting into a University and its the only option for me to close the distance but she says I'm just making bull**** excuses. I regret not studying hard in college. If I can't get into University where she lives, the relationship is over. That is why I'm so scared. She always reminds me of the promise I broke, starts fighting and I try to convince her and she says I'm the one who starts the fights and deletes me, breaks up with me.. its been more than a week and she says she doesn't want me in her life anymore. I broke promises and lost her trust. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 Long distance relationships are hard going and one thing i know is dont make promises you cant keep .....I have done the long distance thing before and it definitely is more work and trust is huge......honesty is really important...i broke it off with my ex at one point when we were long distance in the past.......he was supposed to come and visit one weekend but he had blown the airfares on poker machines and there was deceit.....that was enough for me... i said i cant do this anymore ...im done........he flew up that night...as soon as he hung up on me...he started makign phone calls...he knew when i say im done i was at the end of my endurance.......the window is closing.... ...he found a way...where theres will...theres a way........ we worked it out that time.....truth is a must ....that includes how you feel and whats going on what is realistic and what isnt..... if you cant move dont tell her you can..explain why you cant be clear and honest...visit more often..i dont know if you can fix this one....it might be too far gone......i wish you well ...deb.... Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 Hi all, I really am desperate for some perspective on the problems I'm facing currently. The guilt is killing me inside for making her wait so long. I've been in LDR with her from the past 3 years, its been too long for her and she doesn't want to wait anymore. I have flew there couple of times to meet her. Since last year most of our fights is due to distance and the promises I broke. I promised her I would move there last year. The only way for me to move there is to enroll in Master's program and eventually get a job and settle there. The issue is I have bad grades and its very tough for me to get accepted to a University. The only way for me to stand a chance is to improve my profile and I decided to get a job where I currently live, work on challenging projects and improve my skills. Its been nearly 1 and a half years and I have achieved a lot at work. Developed my own apps, worked hard at work and I'm about to quit my job here to focus on moving there. The plan is for me to move there in a few months. She has been supportive of this and waited patiently but lately she always fights with me, calls me coward, saying I shouldn't have taken this job and moved there last year. I told her my fears of not getting into a University and its the only option for me to close the distance but she says I'm just making bull**** excuses. I regret not studying hard in college. If I can't get into University where she lives, the relationship is over. That is why I'm so scared. She always reminds me of the promise I broke, starts fighting and I try to convince her and she says I'm the one who starts the fights and deletes me, breaks up with me.. its been more than a week and she says she doesn't want me in her life anymore. I broke promises and lost her trust. If you had checked in 3 years ago,,we would have had advice how to change your future, we aren't real,good withnadvice to change your past. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Baabidi Posted April 1, 2017 Author Share Posted April 1, 2017 I met a girl online 3 years ago in 2014 just when I graduated and I couldn't find a job for several months. I promised to meet her few times but I couldn't due to not having a job. Everything was good back then and we had good connection. I was finally able to meet her after 2 years and she wanted me to close the distance after 2 years. The only way for me to close the distance would be to apply for a Master's degree in her country and specifically, her city because she didn't want to move anywhere else. I had **** grades in college and no work experience and the only way for me to stand a chance in getting into a grad school was to improve myself, so I took up a job and worked on myself. This would extend the time for 1 more year and initially. She agreed to this when I got the job but a month ago, she broke up with me and left me. She held grudges from last year and she left me because I didn't apply last year.. she left me because I spent a year longer working here. I worked hard for a year, passed several tough exams and finally applied to Master's and got accepted with Scholarship. Without my work experience, I would have never gotten accepted in any University. She told me if I didn't accepted in a University in her country, the relationship would be over as she doesn't want to move countries. She never visited me either even when I offered a plane ticket. Now I've left my job, left everything only to get teared apart in the last moment. I am very depressed, I worked so hard for this and when I told her the news of getting accepted to a University with Scholarship, she deleted me and blocked me telling me I should have applied last year. After all I've done, the only thing she said was "You should have came here last year without job, you didn't listen to my words and hurt me. Its time to let you go, not all couples end up together". She has no idea how much I worked hard for her, I never bought anything for myself, never went on vacations with friends just so I could save money to meet her again. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted April 2, 2017 Share Posted April 2, 2017 It looks like you gave her a clear message, which was: I will do things my way. Some women accept that. Some don't. The girl you like fell into the latter category. And right because of that, I think she's not the girl for you. Life is usually long nowadays, and you need someone you get along with, or your life's gonna be hell. So, in short, she did you a favor by dropping you. She looked ahead. Now, not all is lost. You you are on the right path. You got a scholarship? Use it! I fail to understand as you go from sh--ty grades to a scholarship, but... ain't life beautiful? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chris516 Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 It looks like you gave her a clear message, which was: I will do things my way. Some women accept that. Some don't. The girl you like fell into the latter category. And right because of that, I think she's not the girl for you. Life is usually long nowadays, and you need someone you get along with, or your life's gonna be hell. So, in short, she did you a favor by dropping you. She looked ahead. Now, not all is lost. You you are on the right path. You got a scholarship? Use it! I fail to understand as you go from sh--ty grades to a scholarship, but... ain't life beautiful? The OP Asked the same question on another relationship website. A number of respondents(myself included), said that the woman was selfish. While the OP potentially could have moved last year. She was being unreasonable. Because, She wanted the OP to move there, and find a school for his studies there. The OP didn't have a job last year. Now he is finally in school and has some job prospects where he lives. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted April 5, 2017 Share Posted April 5, 2017 I wouldn't say the girl is selfish for wanting a real live in the flesh boyfriend, I will say she handled this immaturely and maybe dishonestly. Instead of heaping blame and derision on the OP she should have just stated that she can no longer endlessly wait on having a real live relationship that may or may not happen due to the obstacles in this situation. She should have taken ownership of her feelings and her decision, instead of blaming everything on the OP. Told the OP that she is simply not happy in this relationship and that she wants to move on. It is normal for a young woman to want a boyfriend that she can see and touch and go on dates with. She is not a bad or selfish person for wanting those things. However she agreed to having a long distance relationship so she not blame the OP for her unhappiness with the situation now but she has every right to end things so that she is free to find herself a relationship that will better suit her needs. OP you too should reflect on how fulfilling this relationship has really been. Have you really been happy having a girlfriend you never see? Or who you can't kiss and do things with? While your gf should have handled this with more compassion and empathy for you I do think she did the right thing in setting you both free. One other thing you should get to know in life is this: it is better to under promise and over deliver than to over promise and under deliver. Never make a promise you are not 100% certain you can follow through on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 5, 2017 Share Posted April 5, 2017 IMO she's being selfish in that she's expecting you to do all the work for relocation and then blaming you for not getting there by her "required" time. If she was genuinely just sad and unhappy that you weren't there, she would be putting in some legwork to help you relocate, or even consider relocating herself. I'd say you dodged a bullet. Better after 3 years than 30. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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