Why is he like this?

[Yuuuuu45]

Disclaimer: I'm typing this on my phone so please don't mind the typos. ?

 

I just spoke on the phone with my boyfriend this morning. I live in Japan and he lives in London. When we spoke I asked him "when are we gonna meet?" And he said "never"

 

Never meaning he's not sure that now would be a good time to visit me in Japan cause I'd be busy at work and rarely gets to see me. Then he goes on saying he prefers to wait till I come home to the Philippines for good (since I'm an overseas worker here in Japan) then MAYBE he might come to visit.

 

Take note he said "maybe". Then he said he's not sure and scared that something bad might happen (i might hook up with someone close by or do something stupid behind his back) even before we have a chance to meet.

 

Why is he like this? He said he wants to meet me but then he goes on saying stuff like he's not sure about the timing yet. Should I just wait for him to adjust to the idea on when is the right time for him? Should I just continue playing the role as his long distance girlfriend for another year or so?

 

We've been together for more than a year now and I really want to meet him but the way that he said it feels like he's just not sure.

 

Timing, insecurities, uncertainties.

 

I want someone's perspective on this one. Whether you've went through the same thinking as him, what's really running through one's head to say such things. I want to know cause I don't want to start an argument because he's unsure and that I can't understand his side of things.

 

I would gladly appreciate your response.

 

Thank you for your taking a bit of your time reading this.

[Chilli]

Have been in his shoes, twice now actually but my gf now it's been over 12mths. Not saying your thing is the same as ours but just my 2cents.

 

Think there's a few things goin on with him.He's def' not trusting the sitch and has probaly been screwed around on, you should know a lot about each others pasts by now did something bad happen for him?

 

l also don't think he's taking it that seriously yet either , you two .That could be a few things. Probably the LD thing by the sounds and maybe he doesn't think it can be anything serious because of the distances, you two as a real couple or couple potential- hence his lack of enthusiasm about visiting.

l dunno, do you talk feelings , how does he act about his feels for you? Does he tell you lots of stuff and nice things or talk of love or long term or the future?

 

Hard to explain but us guys can be pretty practical too about this stuff. We don't like doing to much trouble or bs'g around if we don't think it's gonna be worthwhile.

We tend to look ahead and think pretty practical.

So with the first one l just happened to meet , somehow, wasn't looking,her though , there were a lot of things l just couldn't see coming together for us but yet she wanted to visit and meet within a few wks. Where as me, right out the gate l'm thinking this can't go anywhere l'm not going to any trouble and eventually explained and we ended it.

 

My gf now , she was a totally dif' thing. There was something huge going on with us right from the first second we spoke and we both knew it. But even with all the stuff flying between us , l was still very hesitant about rushing into meeting. She started talking about it within a few days and it pretty well came up everyday there after for mths on end.

Where as for me ,yeah it was on my mind but straight of l thought different countries, this'll be a big deal to visit or make anything out of this no matter what we have , so l wasn't at all in a rush to visit. Not at all.

As soon as we met l'm thinking at least 6mths , even 12, before we'd know for sure whether to even bother considering the distance and costs.

Where as her, as l say , within a few days, wks.

We ended up meeting first in 4mths. But only because she pushed and pushed otherwise l wouldn't have bothered for a long long time yet tbh. Just being practical.

And this was with even absolutely no doubt whatsoever about our feelings and this crazy thing we have, but even with all that, l still just thought practicality wise about meeting.

Edited March 31, 2017 by Chilli

[justwhoiam]

Never meaning he's not sure that now would be a good time to visit me in Japan cause I'd be busy at work and rarely gets to see me

Woooow, in what world does "never" mean all that??!

 

Why is he like this?

 

l also don't think he's taking it that seriously

^^^^^

This is the reason why. He didn't take it too seriously. Also, he's not your boyfriend. He's a prospect boyfriend, at best. Lastly, there's a chance you're better off than him, given the current UK situation, so you'd better consider flying to him, if you really want to meet him.

 

Take his word for what it is. He's never coming to visit you.

[ExpatInItaly]

He told you himself he's never going to meet you. Believe him.

 

Don't waste your time with this. He isn't taking it seriously and you are going to get hurt if you hang on to this. He's not interested in the same way you are, OP.