mattsdv1986 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 Long Story Short - I've been dating this girl for a few months long distance, however we talk everyday on the phone, have made plans for weddings, family events and everything, however her dad died 2 weeks ago. Since then, I have tried to be supportive, but her texts and phone class have gone down significantly (understandable). But, for the past week, no phone call no nothing - shes a ghost. I would be concerned, however she still posts on social media. So I am not really sure how to go forward here. Any advice would be great. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 Send her flowers. I'm serious. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ostepop Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 Send her flowers. I'm serious. I would agree. If she didn't post on social media that is. Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 Long Story Short - I've been dating this girl for a few months long distance, however we talk everyday on the phone, have made plans for weddings, family events and everything, however her dad died 2 weeks ago. Since then, I have tried to be supportive, but her texts and phone class have gone down significantly (understandable). But, for the past week, no phone call no nothing - shes a ghost. I would be concerned, however she still posts on social media. So I am not really sure how to go forward here. Any advice would be great. Thanks if your dating exclusively and you have already tried to call her and she is not returning your call then give her space for about another week. Try to call her again. If she still not responding to you at all then wish her well then let her go. If your not exclusive then wish her well and let her go. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 She's not ghosting for no reason. Her FATHER DIED! She's probably a wreck. Posting on social media is easy. Maintaining a relationship is hard. be supportive & understanding, not demanding. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 If her dad really did pass away...an obit and a service would have prevailed. why did you not attend it? Was she even close to her dad ? As one human to another...I would have been on the first plane or train to be of condolence.... Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 I've been dating this girl for a few months long distance Is this code lingo that means you've never met this girl? for the past week, no phone call no nothing - shes a ghost. I would be concerned, however she still posts on social media. So I am not really sure how to go forward here. Any advice would be great. Thanks Well, if you never met her, it's hard to decide how to go about it. I guess you might want to write her a letter and post it in the mail. A letter where you tell her how hard it was to know about the news, how you really wanted to be by her side but couldn't, etc. Then, figure out when you can meet her/fly to her and let her know and see if she agrees to that. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Chris516 Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 Her father died, not someone she met yesterday. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mattsdv1986 Posted March 17, 2017 Author Share Posted March 17, 2017 If her dad really did pass away...an obit and a service would have prevailed. why did you not attend it? Was she even close to her dad ? As one human to another...I would have been on the first plane or train to be of condolence.... I tried to attend but since I haven't met her family yet, we both thought it wouldn't be the best venue. She was very close to her dad, especially since her mom passed years ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mattsdv1986 Posted March 17, 2017 Author Share Posted March 17, 2017 Is this code lingo that means you've never met this girl? Well, if you never met her, it's hard to decide how to go about it. I guess you might want to write her a letter and post it in the mail. A letter where you tell her how hard it was to know about the news, how you really wanted to be by her side but couldn't, etc. Then, figure out when you can meet her/fly to her and let her know and see if she agrees to that. Good luck We have met before, she just lives in Oregon and I'm in Texas. She was supposed to fly here this week, but I haven't heard from her Link to post Share on other sites
FoundMyStrength Posted March 17, 2017 Share Posted March 17, 2017 I tried to attend but since I haven't met her family yet, we both thought it wouldn't be the best venue. She was very close to her dad, especially since her mom passed years ago. I'm probably considerably older than you and this girl, but my mother passed a couple of years ago. It took me a long time to process it, and the first month or two were very confusing, chaotic, and painful. My advice -- just show her that you care in a non-pressuring way. Don't give up on her, or ghost her. Maybe send her an email or a text that tells her how much you care and want to be there for her in whatever way feels best right now. Let her know that you're there for her, and will continue to be there for her. But also give her space when she needs it. Check in occasionally, but not excessively. Don't pressure her to talk about her dad or her feelings. Just let her process this at the rate she needs to. Sometimes people process grief by pulling away. The important thing is to let her know that you'll be there when she's able to connect again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lostinlove85 Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 did her dad really die??? how did she inform you about it? Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 I would agree. If she didn't post on social media that is. Wow! You didn't send her any flowers even in condolence because she is posting on social media? What is she posting about? I lost my Mum and then later my Dad and I was devastated when my Dad died - just wanted to escape real life for a while - duty called though so I was back at work a few days later. I had a tonne of things to sort out also which took up pretty much all my time. Any spare time I had I made sure I was around long time friends (who were incredibly supportive) but took my mind off everything just for a little while. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 We have met before, she just lives in Oregon and I'm in Texas. She was supposed to fly here this week, but I haven't heard from her Then maybe she's sort of avoiding you because she doesn't feel like coming to visit you. Maybe she's facing hardships financially? Was she living with her father? How old is she? Did he pass away unexpectedly or was she sort of prepared, coming from some serious illness? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mattsdv1986 Posted March 18, 2017 Author Share Posted March 18, 2017 Wow! You didn't send her any flowers even in condolence because she is posting on social media? What is she posting about? I did send her flowers when she first told me and have been extremely supportive even when she said she wouldnt be on the phone / texting that much...but she was texting with me the first week, and now theres silence. Social media posts are just like random pictures of her and friends on IG, or snapchat stories. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mattsdv1986 Posted March 18, 2017 Author Share Posted March 18, 2017 Then maybe she's sort of avoiding you because she doesn't feel like coming to visit you. Maybe she's facing hardships financially? Was she living with her father? How old is she? Did he pass away unexpectedly or was she sort of prepared, coming from some serious illness? She wasn't livign with her father, but since her mom died and shes the only girl i nthe family they were very close. It was an unexpected passing, he was in and out of the hospital for the past month, then got better, then passed. She is 26 im 27. No Financial troubles and she even bought tickets to an event she was excited for beforehand. Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 The death of someone close can mess you up. She me be up for FB posts but not detail talks with your right now. It may be too painful. If you been kind of dating long distance - then maybe your not "that" serious right now in her life - in that she has too much on her heart, and is dealing with it in other ways. Maybe close family or friends. However, I have personally seen what the loss of a father, or child, can do to a woman. Sometimes they can seek comfort from anything - including another man who is close to them (ex, or friend). I am not saying your GF has done this - but it happened to me personally. Grief is overwhelming and can lead to choices and changes in peoples behavior and life for a while. Sometimes people leave old ways or things behind after a loss. Sometimes they make bad choices. Send the flowers, write cards or letters, let her know you care. Thats all you can do - its about her now. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 There is so much to do after a death - funeral arrangements, notify family, clean house, legal matters, etc... In addition to the grief that you feel, the fatigue, and the fact that everything else in your life gets left and then has to be dealt with. Really try to give her a break. Hopefully, she will come back to you soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Chris516 Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 OP, Another thought on your situation, though indirect. Last June my middle first-cousin via my paternal aunt. Died at 40yrs.-old from a stroke. From what I found out, she had been having some kind of heart trouble, for some time. She had been a heavy smoker since her 20's. Her younger sister has been smoking just as long. Their older sister has never smoked a day in her life. The oldest one is the one that I have communicated with the most as we have grown up. I was born(May 1967) with a congenital brain aneurysm. Which caused hydrocephalus. The (six)brain operations for the two before I was 10yrs.-old, caused epilepsy. At the celebration following the funeral, I avoided everyone. My cousin(the oldest of the three girls; all three are younger than me) tracked me down at the celebration. I emotionally cried and held on to her so tight like she was going to die. My survivor's guilt regarding my middle first-cousin's death has ebbed. Not completely, but it has ebbed. For a month following my cousin's funeral, I didn't talk to or see anyone. I know a parent dying is much more different than a relative who is the same generation. I hope I have sort of given you an idea of the emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
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