gurelag Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 We met through an online game (she lives in Europe and I live in the US) but didn't really talk much until November last year. In December we started getting intimate through the phone and talked some more. But as time went on we both really liked each other and we made plans to meet in Miami in June. I asked her out on the 29th of December and she said yes. She told me she loved me around this time though she realized it was very soon so I thought she wasn't crazy for at least realizing that just honest. Everything was lovey dovey until late February when she went to a convention for the game... we got into a fight over something stupid in the game (changed my race to something she hated) when her group mates asked wtf was wrong. She mentioned me as her bf and they said "Well why do you care you've never met"... also after seeing all the couples at the convention and stuff she felt like **** b/c long distance pretty much means we don't see each other as often and she started doubting if we'll be together or where it will go. She wasn't sure if we'll click when we meet. She started pulling away and after talking about it we agreed we were going to see what's up in June. However, we did a server change to her new friend's server (my call) she started hanging out with them more and we hadn't been intimate since the festival. Mostly at the time though she hung out with a guy friend she met on that server... they would party all the time, afk next to each other, and he would wait for her to log in right in the spot she logged out last time. I'm unsure if they did erotic roleplay or anything else but I don't care to delve into it atm. She was also hanging out with a dude from our old server that hasn't been on his main account in 2 weeks but has been leveling an alt to play with her. We had plans to watch her stream solo but she changed plans at the last minute and invited several people to which her first friend came in and joined us. But I started getting needy and pushing to hang out more until she told me she reminded me of her ex and I needed to stop (she mentioned I was claimy which probably meant possessive as I tried to get some more time with her to talk and stuff but she wouldn't have any of it). I decided give her some space. After some coquettish (sends me a picture that could be described as nerd sexy) to very distant texting (didn't laugh at my jokes, kept conversations brief, even turned one conversation into a negative one) I decided to reach out and talk b/c something was up and I should've noticed sooner. So I send her this message last night: I said: "You've been angry at me for some time and I'm sorry. We both moved really fast into this and I just kind of tripped over myself because I never felt like this about anyone but my intention as a man was never to hurt you or ever put a frown on your face for that matter. I want to do what you can to work things out. You don't just have my heart, but also my ears and I'm ready to listen." She replied: "I think we indeed moved really fast and I don't want to give up yet. I just want to see what kind of connection we will have when we meet face to face, in person. I'll be going to *my hometown* in 3 months. I'm not good at long distance relationships at all. Lately I've not been in a lovey dovey or *in the* mood. I've been really tired. Work gets busier and I work almost 40 hours a week. Which is fine but I don't have the regular 1 hour break a day which most people have. I can't eat. Only when i start a certain time. Like now even when I had dinner at work i didnt eat for 8 hours.. I can't sit at all. I'm sorry for that too." This was the rest of it Me: Sometimes it seems I don't pay attention to the right things and I need to work on it but I'm always looking to become better. I know I'm not the best listener and I sometimes try to speak without considering the other person's point of view. I have to work on it but I always try to be a better person. I was being possessive and bossy for a while instead of relaxing and letting things unfold. I was being pushy for intimacy and it made you doubt me. When you said I made you feel safe I was smiling because as a man I like to make my woman feel that way all the time. I genuinely enjoy your company on and offline (on the phone). I don't want it to feel forced. It should be fun. For all of that I'm sorry Her: Thank you Me: I don't appreciate the small things you do. Like when you liked my statuses about my life I was glad. We don't play much together but you did help out on Sophia as well. *positive changes in my life It shows support Her: c: anytime I'm still here for you I've been all along Me: You still have the ring? (in game marriage ring) Her:Yes I do Me:I have mine Anyways good night *name*. Her: Nini sweet dreams Me: Sweet dreams I mean The thing that bothered me most though Was no communication for a while after (convention name) especially since it was a big thing and the sudden change of plans when you streamed RE7. Her: I'm sorry Me: Yeah, it happened but I wanted to get it out there because it was the principle of the matter. For RE7 I thought it was us two and then your switched it up and wanyed to invite friends. I felt disrespected and while I don't mind hanging out with people I thought I was being dragged around and that wasn't cool. Then for fan fest I felt in the dark for a long time. Her:I'm sorry for being selfish Me: Well same here Sweet dreams. Have fun at that housewarming if we don't talk. Her:Thank you Won't be there for long Gotta start at 10:30am on Sunday Me:**** Well good night. Sweet dreams Her: Ah well 80% of my life is work now :') (at least how it feels) nini sweet dreams From what I gathered she's interested but wants to back up which I agreed we should. She still hangs out mostly with her friends but that's fine and I'm going to stop pressuring for things to happen and just let things happen organically. As for the other guys I didn't mention it but I'm just going to let them knock themselves out of the race (her first friend is playing more alone and she seems closer to the second who she knew from our old server but he seems to remind me of me from the past b/c I did the same thing for a woman I liked once and she ended up going out with somebody else) since they seem to be vying for her attention too much. I'm waiting for some end of day contact from her after which I'm just keeping the conversation light, funny and be supportive. What do you think? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 (edited) From what I gathered she's interested but wants to back up which I agreed we should. She still hangs out mostly with her friends but that's fine and I'm going to stop pressuring for things to happen and just let things happen organically. As for the other guys I didn't mention it but I'm just going to let them knock themselves out of the race (her first friend is playing more alone and she seems closer to the second who she knew from our old server but he seems to remind me of me from the past b/c I did the same thing for a woman I liked once and she ended up going out with somebody else) since they seem to be vying for her attention too much. I'm waiting for some end of day contact from her after which I'm just keeping the conversation light, funny and be supportive. What do you think? i think keeping things funny light- hearted supportive and fresh is a good idea....when you are being aggressively pursued by another guy or worse more than one..... its much nicer to spend time talking to a guy you can let your guard down with...be honest when you are tired and vulnerable...because tiredness is vulnerability.. thats where supportive steps up to the plate....and understanding...is being supportive...not that you can fix it but that you understand is a blessing...and that you arent using that understanding to win a few miles in the race....it will happen naturally if you are legit understanding.......... its a blessing to have a guy who just enjoys sharing time with you and not pressuring you who can have a laugh with you and most importantly cant stress this enough...make you laugh.....its like manna for the starving..honey....sweets for the sweet.....its the guy who will be chosen in the long race.....slow and steady ....turtle wins...yay so do what you said...and i wish you nothing but the best....deb....... Edited March 12, 2017 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
Author gurelag Posted March 12, 2017 Author Share Posted March 12, 2017 i think keeping things funny light- hearted supportive and fresh is a good idea....when you are being aggressively pursued by another guy or worse more than one..... its much nicer to spend time talking to a guy you can let your guard down with...be honest when you are tired and vulnerable...because tiredness is vulnerability.. thats where supportive steps up to the plate....and understanding...is being supportive...not that you can fix it but that you understand is a blessing...and that you arent using that understanding to win a few miles in the race....it will happen naturally if you are legit understanding.......... its a blessing to have a guy who just enjoys sharing time with you and not pressuring you who can have a laugh with you and most importantly cant stress this enough...make you laugh.....its like manna for the starving..honey....sweets for the sweet.....its the guy who will be chosen in the long race.....slow and steady ....turtle wins...yay so do what you said...and i wish you nothing but the best....deb....... Oh yeah... though I try to make her laugh but she's been meh about my jokes. Then again she's worked a lot this week. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author gurelag Posted March 12, 2017 Author Share Posted March 12, 2017 i think keeping things funny light- hearted supportive and fresh is a good idea....when you are being aggressively pursued by another guy or worse more than one..... its much nicer to spend time talking to a guy you can let your guard down with...be honest when you are tired and vulnerable...because tiredness is vulnerability.. thats where supportive steps up to the plate....and understanding...is being supportive...not that you can fix it but that you understand is a blessing...and that you arent using that understanding to win a few miles in the race....it will happen naturally if you are legit understanding.......... its a blessing to have a guy who just enjoys sharing time with you and not pressuring you who can have a laugh with you and most importantly cant stress this enough...make you laugh.....its like manna for the starving..honey....sweets for the sweet.....its the guy who will be chosen in the long race.....slow and steady ....turtle wins...yay so do what you said...and i wish you nothing but the best....deb....... It's also very tempting for a guy to force stuff b/c we tend to be like light switches- We see what we like and we go after it. It also sucks seeing this happen b/c I still love her and in a way I think she does as well but then again that's why I even put up with this long game mentality -_- 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 i think keeping things funny light- hearted supportive and fresh is a good idea....when you are being aggressively pursued by another guy or worse more than one..... its much nicer to spend time talking to a guy you can let your guard down with...be honest when you are tired and vulnerable...because tiredness is vulnerability.. thats where supportive steps up to the plate....and understanding...is being supportive...not that you can fix it but that you understand is a blessing...and that you arent using that understanding to win a few miles in the race....it will happen naturally if you are legit understanding.......... its a blessing to have a guy who just enjoys sharing time with you and not pressuring you who can have a laugh with you and most importantly cant stress this enough...make you laugh.....its like manna for the starving..honey....sweets for the sweet.....its the guy who will be chosen in the long race.....slow and steady ....turtle wins...yay so do what you said...and i wish you nothing but the best....deb....... It's also very tempting for a guy to force stuff b/c we tend to be like light switches- We see what we like and we go after it. It also sucks seeing this happen b/c I still love her and in a way I think she does as well but then again that's why I even put up with this long game mentality -_- i dont know if you should look at the long game scenario and more an end goal......have you noticed when footballers go for the conversion kick they will sight the goal with their arm.......the look at the ball but when they kick it they are not looking at the ball they are looking where they want the ball to go ...they are sighting really the perspective of distance needed............. thats what you need to do when dating gauge your determination to succeed in distance and be patient..its not about the time in the game......its about every conversion kick reaching its mark...building something to an end goal...in football its a score in dating...its the girls love..and really that game can go by so fast.......if you actually have some fun yourself......and love the game......enjoy it...relax be the best you can be let everything else fall where the ball rolls....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author gurelag Posted March 13, 2017 Author Share Posted March 13, 2017 i dont know if you should look at the long game scenario and more an end goal......have you noticed when footballers go for the conversion kick they will sight the goal with their arm.......the look at the ball but when they kick it they are not looking at the ball they are looking where they want the ball to go ...they are sighting really the perspective of distance needed............. thats what you need to do when dating gauge your determination to succeed in distance and be patient..its not about the time in the game......its about every conversion kick reaching its mark...building something to an end goal...in football its a score in dating...its the girls love..and really that game can go by so fast.......if you actually have some fun yourself......and love the game......enjoy it...relax be the best you can be let everything else fall where the ball rolls....deb Also my brother said in his words: "She meant to say she thinks it isn't going to workout, but she is too immature to say so so she seemingly kept a door open." Granted he has more relationship experience but he's also the one who ****ed up 2 of his best relationships (one was long distance where he ditched the girl for an awful engagement), another out of neediness for a woman, got engaged with one who pretty much ****ed his life up, and his current relationship is going ok but he is trying to get on his feet after that engagement. He's taken his best relationships for granted. Idk what to say because it sounds rational but at the same time this girl's response seemed rather uncommon with saying she wasn't ready to give up yet. That doesn't sound like a cookie cutter way to break things off. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 What do you think? I think you were not smart postponing a meeting to June. If you really cared, you would have made it sooner, to reassure her about her feelings and proving if you two clicked in person, etc. Now just wait it out. It could fizzle out before it even starts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gurelag Posted March 17, 2017 Author Share Posted March 17, 2017 I think you were not smart postponing a meeting to June. If you really cared, you would have made it sooner, to reassure her about her feelings and proving if you two clicked in person, etc. Now just wait it out. It could fizzle out before it even starts. She picked June because it was the best time for her to go. I was considering going earlier but I need dental work done. Link to post Share on other sites
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