AngelaBonquin Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 (edited) My boyfriend and I have been together for four years.Long distance relationship. I'm in Canada, he's in Philippines. Recently was his birthday. Saw a post on his Facebook timeline. This girl (his schoolmate but on a different program) greeted him and she's "thanking" him because "my bf" gave him a shirt for like a token of friendship. So I was like, uhm, who is this girl for my bf to give her a shirt. From then on, I open my bf's account and knew that they're talking on messenger often times. I confronted my bf about this and he said we're just friends, don't worry. So I didn't worry. From then on, I notice that every time I open my bf's account, him and this (lets name her Lily), still talk BUT HE'S DELETING THEIR CONVOS. How did I knew? On the right side of facebook, the chat box, Lily is always like at the top or 2nd. That means she's the recent one that he talked to. I asked my bf about it, why he's deleting their convos. Told me it's because I'm gonna make an issue about it. Because I was paranoid, I logged in his account @ morning and caught them talking. My bf was asking her, "Would you come with me if I ask you to hang out?" and because of that, we broke up. But got together after a week because he was being "sincere" in apologizing. BUT I logged into his fb again, Lily, is the one who start the convos.So I'm still getting worried because they still talk! Guys help!I don't know what to do anymore.I'm becoming more paranoid and jealous. It kills me.What should I do? Edited March 13, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 Well you know 2 thing for sure. 1)he's still talking to this girl and he isn't going to stop talking to her. 2) he isn't going to be honest with you about his contact with her. With that information what do you think you should do? Is this kind of behavior a deal breaker for you? If it is then you know you have to end this relationship Maybe now would be a good time to take stock and realistically consider if this relationship really meets both of your needs. You say that you have been long distance for 4 yrs now. I say it's highly unlikely that both of you are going to be satisfied with this arrangement forever. I know I wouldn't be. Why not lovingly let each other go so that you are both free to go experience real in the flesh relationships? Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 how old are you? Is he in Philippines for school or does he live there ? Are you in Canada for school or do you live there... I guess what I'm asking is has your whole year relationship been online or did you have a good period of time together before one of you went off to school ? If this relationship is mostly online, and you're young ...it's not going to work. You never see eachother and he's got his "life" there and friends there that you can tell is different than what you have with him. He's living two lives. The life he lives daily with all his friends and family and girls he can touch,, and you--via texting, skype, etc. Hes probably cheating, to be honest.....people need human touch. don't make this your life...find someone in real life. Yes, I'm being judgemental but also real Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 What's cheating depends on your relationship and what the two of you have agreed to. However, either they're just friends and you're making him miserable being crazy jealous and saying he can't talk to people, or he's cheating and lying and making YOU miserable. Is there any possible scenario where you'd both be okay? Also: On the right side of facebook, the chat box, Lily is always like at the top or 2nd. That means she's the recent one that he talked to. Just fyi this isn't actually true, facebook's algorithms are much more complicated than that. Logging into my account at the moment, the second person from the top is someone I've NEVER had a facebook messenger conversation with. The top person I think I chatted with once a few months ago? And the person I chat with most often is way down the list. Link to post Share on other sites
Chris516 Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 Back in 2012, I was in a sort of situation like this. I am male, and have a female friend in Canada(I am in the U.S.), who was engaged to a Canadian male. I have known her since 2003, even though we have never met physically. Anyway, Her (ex)fiancee was getting upset with her. Because we would be chatting for hours sometimes. While she never mentioned it. I looked up 'Emotional Affair' on Wikipedia, and this is what I found:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_affair It never got romantic, and I was respecting him. Oddly enough, after she came out of a six-week long near-death coma. On three consecutive weeks she broke off contact with me. Only to demand to know where I was days later. Her fiance even told me once to stay away from her.(she was the one contacting me) Keep in mind, it has never become romantic. We have just stuck by each other in hard times. They broke up in 2014 because he was being very controlling. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 OP, have you met him in person? The bottom line is that he's still talking to this girl and he's not being honest about it. Why bother putting yourself through a relationship in which you feel you have to secretly monitor what your boyfriend is doing? I would call it a day and find someone closer who you can trust. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 Talking to a member of the opposite sex is not cheating in my book. However in an LDR when one partner is talking to an opposite sex friend who is there, while the love interest is far away that arouses suspicions. Because you asked for transparency & for them to tone it down but he didn't and instead justified hiding his interactions with her because you would make a big deal out if it, he broke your trust. I'm still not conceding that he cheated but he did show you that you rank behind her in importance. LDRs are hard enough. With obstacles like this, what is the upside to continuing? Link to post Share on other sites
jenks2026 Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 It all depends on what you guys agreed too.. Whats ok and what is not.. everyone is different Link to post Share on other sites
EmilyJane Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 What the hell are you doing thinking you have the right to access his Facebook account??! That is a huge foundational boundary violation. You have zero right to that and frankly I wish this poor guy all the best with his new non controlling stalker girl. What you need to do is get some counselling about appropriate boundary respects. And then you might realise it's your appalling totally innappropriate behaviour that drove him to prefer to talk to someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
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