Long Distance Break

[M789]

Two days ago my gf of two years recently said that she wanted a break to find herself and at this point she did not want to depend on anyone nor does she want anybody depending on her.

 

A little background: We've been together initially for about 8 months before she left her current job in my city because she was unhappy with it. She moved back to her hometown which is a 2 hour flight from my city and moved back in with her parents while she tries to figure stuff out because at that point I didn't have a stable job myself or my own place yet. We were a bit hesitant at first about doing the long distance thing because she recently just got out of one and I've had unpleasant experiences as well in the past. Needless to say we both had complete confidence that we are able to cope because our end goal was eventually marriage.

 

During the following year things were great. We met each other once every 2-3 months. She did most of the visiting because theres just more activities we can do in my city and I agreed (which in hindsight I kind of regret at least not flying to her city once in awhile) As the year progressed I eventually got a job with a great salary.

 

During this period she also joined a 10 month volunteer program which ended in Sept. She was of course relatively happy and asked me the question about marriage again. I said yes of course I was still going to marry her but give me some time to save up so we can at least be financially responsible about it. She agreed and decided to extend her program as well for another 10 months.

 

The same routine pretty much kept going on throughout the rest of the year and around Thanksgiving her parents were visiting my city and I met with them. During New Years a tragedy happend and her parents had to fly back to her home country to deal with it. So of course I flew to her for the first time to keep her company.

 

After new years and around (2017) our 2 year mark she asked me the marriage question again. I told her that I would ask my parents and her parents for approval this year and the target was a proposal near fall this year when she finishes her program & marriage by the end of this year. She agreed again and visited me one more time at the end of Feb. and things as usual were great. A week after visiting me thats when she became distant. She started staying late more at work and we talked less because of it. By the following week she barely contacted me. At first I thought she needed space so I gave it to her but also at the same time I was getting worried. On the first day of us having no contact I finally contacted her and thats when she said she needed to talk and wanted a break.

 

She said that the distance was a factor and also the fact that she's having a quarter life crisis because she doesn't know what to do with her life and she does not have a stable career yet. I made the amateur mistake of of being overcome with emotion and self pity in front of her and said some things I didn't mean in terms of "I don't believe in breaks and that it should be a clean one" I reassured her that I did want to get married and propose to her after the summer but she just simply thinks that it will be more waiting at this point. She said I was the first person who showed her what true love is and honestly we were great. We never had drama or fought over trivial things and had complete trust in one another. She also mentioned that she has never been single since highschool (were in our mid 20s now) so she just needs some time to be alone and find herself. I said I can respect that but also expressed my grief over it. She told me don't lose hope and to pursue and strengthen my spirituality (we both view faith as ver important) but also said that if we do in fact find other people during this time, that we be honest with one another. She said that maybe we can be together again when the time is right and we have our affairs in order.

 

Apologies for the long read!but I need advice on possible how to save this or cope with it because I am madly in love with her and she matches all my criteria for a partner and obviously I don't see myself with anyone else. Please let me know your thoughts! i would really appreciate it.

[Chilli]

l see at as the time apart has really got her thinking and even enjoying some her time.

Probably doubting you guys and your thing a bit too l'd say.

 

Personally l think l'd let it go and if you did join up again later then all good but really , l think she'd just end up resenting it later on if you pushed it from here and got her to stick around when she's really not feeling it right now.

 

For now she's losing it for you guys. Maybe it comes back , maybe it doesn't.

[M789]

Thanks for the reply. I am giving her space right now but at the same time I still find an inkling that I want this to be saved no matter how long it takes.

 

 

I was thinking about flying over there and meeting her face to face to talk it out and to reassure her that everything can be ok between us because nothing our plan was still in motion and there is an end in sight to this long distance thing.

 

But I am not sure if I should give it more time because the fact that this happened out of the blue meant that its been on her mind for awhile way before the last time we met 2 weeks ago. However she did also explain that she didnt bring it up that time because she was still trying to fix things and everything still seemed ok up until that week of distance she gave me.

 

My second option would be initiating no contact and wait for her to contact me first. I gave myself a time of at least 3 weeks. It could be a test for myself to see if she really does truly care then she will eventually contact me in that period of time. If not then it truly is over. But the waiting part is what terrifies me. I don't know what do you guys think?