BeingBlunt Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Hello all, I honestly have no idea how to ask anyone about this situation so I thought this would be a good place to start. My boyfriend and I have been together about eight months and in September he is being deployed to a different country. The issue with this turning into a LDR is he may not want to be contacted. I have been worried ever since he told me that he was getting deployed and I'm not sure how to cope when he leaves because 1) I don't know how long this deployment is 2) I'm concerned for his safety and 3) we might not even get to contact each other. Has anyone had a similar experience to this? How did you cope like this? Any advice would help because I am going out of my mind with worry even though the deployment is still months off. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 It's hard. First you recognize that it will be somewhat one sided. You will reach out more than he will & your contacts will be longer. You need to write long, upbeat, news-y letters & emails. You send care packages: gum, chocolate, baby-wipes, etc. Do not talk about your fears about his safety. He has a dangerous job that takes his focus. Don't distract him. Be positive & don't give him reason to worry. Most deployed people worry their SOs will cheat. Show him you are faithful & trustworthy. Don't repeatedly mention some opposite sex friend, even if it is just platonic. If you know the GFs or wives of the other guys in his unit get together with them & use them as your support system. Understand that if your guy sees combat, he will come home a changed man. Get professional help dealing with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BeingBlunt Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 It's hard. First you recognize that it will be somewhat one sided. You will reach out more than he will & your contacts will be longer. You need to write long, upbeat, news-y letters & emails. You send care packages: gum, chocolate, baby-wipes, etc. Do not talk about your fears about his safety. He has a dangerous job that takes his focus. Don't distract him. Be positive & don't give him reason to worry. Most deployed people worry their SOs will cheat. Show him you are faithful & trustworthy. Don't repeatedly mention some opposite sex friend, even if it is just platonic. If you know the GFs or wives of the other guys in his unit get together with them & use them as your support system. Understand that if your guy sees combat, he will come home a changed man. Get professional help dealing with that. I understand that. The thing is with how he set things up for this deployment with the military is I won't be able to send him anything and vise versa so I could be looking at a year with no contact from him. We have already discussed about the deployment and my worries because apparently the military told him to talk to loved ones about it. He has told me not to worry and that he's going somewhere safe, but I'm kind of a worry wart but I haven't brought it up to him since we had that talk because as you said, he needs to stay focused and I completely agree. He knows that I would never do anything to cheat on him and him cheat on me, we have had several lengthy discussions about it so that's not a concern for us luckily. I haven't been introduced to his unit or any of their girlfriends (if they have any, the bf hasn't disclosed information on it) so i'm kind of SOL on that department but we do share the same friend group. I guess the main reason I'm super worried is because long ago he couldn't be deployed because of a disability but he dropped the bomb on me one night when we were drunk that he was deployable. I'm trying to find ways to keep busy while he is away like finding a new hobby, getting a couple jobs or going to school full time. Hopefully something that can keep my mind preoccupied. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Any advice would help Is he American? As far as I know, American soldiers can connect when they are deployed. There'll be certain times when that won't be allowed, but it will only be for short periods of time. The best thing would be to get in touch with other soldiers' wives in your area and ask to know in detail. They usually keep in touch through phone calls, emails, texts, chats and care packages they send out now and then to show him they still care. After a few months, the soldier comes home anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BeingBlunt Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 Is he American? As far as I know, American soldiers can connect when they are deployed. There'll be certain times when that won't be allowed, but it will only be for short periods of time. The best thing would be to get in touch with other soldiers' wives in your area and ask to know in detail. They usually keep in touch through phone calls, emails, texts, chats and care packages they send out now and then to show him they still care. After a few months, the soldier comes home anyway. Yes he is american, but before we even started dating, he told the military that if he were to be deployed, he wanted no contact during his deployment. We also live in two separate cities/states (but really its a thirty minute drive). I haven't met anyone from his unit or their SOs so I wouldn't be able to do much in that area Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 he told the military that if he were to be deployed, he wanted no contact during his deployment That sounds like huge BS. Sounds like he's playing you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BeingBlunt Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 (edited) That sounds like huge BS. Sounds like he's playing you. He's actually not. He's told me this before and I completely forget the reason why, but way before he even got the papers for deployment, he had told his CO that he would like to blackout himself (also for other reasons that I will not disclose due to his personal reasons). He's been nothing but honestly with me and I came here for advive, not criticism of my boyfriend. Edited February 22, 2017 by BeingBlunt Errors Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 (edited) I can't believe the US military agreed to this "blackout" Unless he's special ops, the military encourages care packages from home to keep up troop morale. My husband a Marine says no such blackout exists. Even if the location is classified, messages still go through. Sadly, my husband thinks this is your BF's way of breaking up with you. Edited February 22, 2017 by d0nnivain 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BeingBlunt Posted February 22, 2017 Author Share Posted February 22, 2017 I can't believe the US military agreed to this "blackout" Unless he's special ops, the military encourages care packages from home to keep up troop morale. My husband a Marine says no such blackout exists. Even if the location is classified, messages still go through. Sadly, my husband thinks this is your BF's way of breaking up with you. LMAO....I'm done. This is not the advice is looking for. As I've said before HE DID THIS WAY BEFORE WE GOT TOGETHER, years ago. He's also not a marine either so I don't care what your husband thinks. Sorry. Unless you are actually going to give me advice on how to deal with a situation like this, I don't want to hear it. Link to post Share on other sites
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