GF may be losing interest in LDR

[jackson11]

Okay so I'm gona get straight into it.

My girlfriend of 6 months recently moved to another part of the country about a week and a half ago and I'm finding that the communication is a bit of a struggle.

 

Heres a description of me:

 

I spend a lot of time on my phone because my business is based on facbook. This means I'm usually on messenger and what not. My time management skills are also very good and I'm basically doing nothing up until University starts.

 

Her:

She has always been a bit bad with time management and doesn't really check her phone much. Now that shes moved, I can't just go see her and chill with her. She is often busy as she is busy making new friends, also, her school starts tomorrow so she has been going out nearly every night to parties and what not for the last week.

 

This has put me in a situation where all im left to do is try and contact my GF because i miss her. Usually she will give me a short reply and it will take her a while to send it after I've sent mine. I'm always the one offering to skype and chat and usually there will be something in the way of doing that.

 

I find myself checking when she was last active, if she would have seen I sent a message and what not. I know it's a bit obsessive but I can't help myself.

 

My problem is that I feel like she's not making enough time for me or making me a priority. I've voiced how I feel about it and she has been making an improvement, also I've been filling up my time and trying to contact her less. She has been calling me every now and then after a party and what not, and also initiating conversations. She has said that the only reason she won't tell me a Skype time is because shes worried she would have arranged to do something at that time and will have to bail on me. I feel like every now and then she should decide to bail on her plans or try finding a suitable time?

Like she said that the way she feels hasn't changed at all and it's just who she is. She says that she genuinely wants to Skype me but she gets easily distracted and forgets. She says she has no problem with me reminding her when we are supposed to Skype even if i need to do it often.

She says that she is really happy with where we are at the moment and that she isn't bothered by the lack of communication.

 

I can see myself having to arrange the flights and stuff in the future because she 'forget's or whatever you want to call it. Is this fine as I'm the man and I should take control? Or should we both be wanting to arrange these flight times.

 

Like she said that the way she feels hasn't changed at all and it's just who she is. She says that she genuinely wants to Skype me but she gets easily distracted and forgets. She says she has no problem with me reminding her when we are supposed to Skype even if i need to do it often.

 

I think part of the issue is that I'm a bit jealous that shes moved and making all these new friends with little time to talk while i sit here and mope around. Also perhaps a bit insecure?

 

I was just wondering what you guys think about this and if i have a genuine reason to feel how I'm feeling. Or if i should feel worried?

Cheers.

[Life lessons]

As far as the skyping I can say that we always find the time for people that we are interested in. No matter the situation!! Like I've said on other posts, and I'm gonna say it here....distance yourself! Stop contacting her and see what happens. If she cares and is interested in you, she will find the time for you. That's how we all are!! Often times when we are being chased, we feel like we have control of the relationship and don't put as much effort in it. Stop contacting her and make her wonder what you're up to and why the sudden change on your end. If she cares, trust me, she will contact you! ETA:actions speak so much louder than words! She says she's interested but it doesn't seem she's showing the interest she says she has for you!

[jackson11]

Cheers for that. Her first day is tomorrow. We were Skyping earlier and I asked her to Skype me about how her first day went. Il let her contact me and hopefully she will ask to skype. There has been some cases where I've asked to skype like during the night. She will text me and reply reasonably, but will not ask to skype and I'll have to remind her. Could this just be her forgetting? Also should I initiate any conversation during the day tomorrow and hope she asks to Skype or just let her do everything? thanks for the help

Also a bit of other info is that I'm pretty notorious for overthinking things if that helps my case.

[jackson11]

Cheers for that. Her first day is tomorrow. We were Skyping earlier and I asked her to Skype me about how her first day went. Il let her contact me and hopefully she will ask to skype. There has been some cases where I've asked to skype like during the night. She will text me and reply reasonably, but will not ask to skype and I'll have to remind her. Could this just be her forgetting? Also should I initiate any conversation during the day tomorrow and hope she asks to Skype or just let her do everything? thanks for the help

Also a bit of other info is that I'm pretty notorious for overthinking things if that helps my case.

[whatnot]

it won't get better.

 

(I should'a been a doctor)

[jackson11]

it won't get better.

 

(I should'a been a doctor)

what makes you say this? If I can learn to deal with this and it's no longer a problem as I'll be busy once uni starts or do you think it means shes losing interest?

[whatnot]

I don't know that it won't get better for you. maybe it will....it didn't for me. that's all.

[whatnot]

it just doesn't sound like a match. I should'a just kept quiet.

[Life lessons]

Cheers for that. Her first day is tomorrow. We were Skyping earlier and I asked her to Skype me about how her first day went. Il let her contact me and hopefully she will ask to skype. There has been some cases where I've asked to skype like during the night. She will text me and reply reasonably, but will not ask to skype and I'll have to remind her. Could this just be her forgetting? Also should I initiate any conversation during the day tomorrow and hope she asks to Skype or just let her do everything? thanks for the help

Also a bit of other info is that I'm pretty notorious for overthinking things if that helps my case.

 

I personally would say no....again, if it's something she wants to do and enjoys doing, I would think she'd remember. Also, especially considering you have brought this to her attention. If I were you I wouldn't initiate any conversation at all. See if she starts the conversation. If you don't hear from her.....wait....do not contact her. Let her make the contact! You seem like you're doing most of the contacting and considering what you've stated above, it seems like she thinks she has control over the relationship so she's not putting much effort into it. I can almost guarantee you that if you stop the contact that will help your situation significantly. Make her think she's not the most important thing in your life!!! And that you have a life outside her. And about the over thinking. I'm the exact way!! I overthink everything. Lol

[jackson11]

I personally would say no....again, if it's something she wants to do and enjoys doing, I would think she'd remember. Also, especially considering you have brought this to her attention. If I were you I wouldn't initiate any conversation at all. See if she starts the conversation. If you don't hear from her.....wait....do not contact her. Let her make the contact! You seem like you're doing most of the contacting and considering what you've stated above, it seems like she thinks she has control over the relationship so she's not putting much effort into it. I can almost guarantee you that if you stop the contact that will help your situation significantly. Make her think she's not the most important thing in your life!!! And that you have a life outside her. And about the over thinking. I'm the exact way!! I overthink everything. Lol

 

Thanks for that advice! Once again I have not been very busy but the last couple days I've been doing stuff and have found myself checking my phone less which has helped me. I feel like if I were in her shoes maybe I'd be similar? trying to meet as many people as possible to make her place in her new environment. I asked one of her mates who moved down with her and explained to her my feelings and she has said i have nothing to worry about. Also, my good mate says that he is also like her, and I should just chill out for the moment. Thanks for that advice.

[Life lessons]

Thanks for that advice! Once again I have not been very busy but the last couple days I've been doing stuff and have found myself checking my phone less which has helped me. I feel like if I were in her shoes maybe I'd be similar? trying to meet as many people as possible to make her place in her new environment. I asked one of her mates who moved down with her and explained to her my feelings and she has said i have nothing to worry about. Also, my good mate says that he is also like her, and I should just chill out for the moment. Thanks for that advice.

 

If it doesn't get better then that will definitely show you she has no interest any longer!!! Be careful about discussing her with her mates/friends...that only makes her think you are more so chasing her.

[Life lessons]

Oh and I will say again.....when you're interested in someone, you "will" find time for them no matter how busy your schedule is!! Put yourself in that situation. We make time for the people that matter to us!

[Life lessons]

I don't know that it won't get better for you. maybe it will....it didn't for me. that's all.

 

I don't know your situation but did you try the no contact to see if he/she would reach out to you?

[jackson11]

Oh and I will say again.....when you're interested in someone, you "will" find time for them no matter how busy your schedule is!! Put yourself in that situation. We make time for the people that matter to us!

 

Yup I 100% agree. It's odd. When i was explaining to her my feelings, she said, "no matter how often/ hard it gets to make sure i contact you, never give up" "youre the best person in my life and i love you so much". i suppose the phrase words speak louder then actions also apply here??

[basil67]

Yeah, I think you should be worried. I bet her poor time management skills don't have her forgetting about social events and contacting the organisers of them.

 

She's not going to admit it to you, but she's given you a lower priority than the other things in her life.

[Life lessons]

Yup I 100% agree. It's odd. When i was explaining to her my feelings, she said, "no matter how often/ hard it gets to make sure i contact you, never give up" "youre the best person in my life and i love you so much". i suppose the phrase words speak louder then actions also apply here??

 

Yes! Seems like she wants to make certain you stay stuck on her....while she's out doing her own thing.....and she's going to feel fine because you're showing her that you want her badly! It's definitely time for you to show her that she's not a priority to you either considering you're not a priority to her. I'm guessing that will change her ways quickly! Her actions speak louder than her words..most definitely! If she doesn't reach out to you and doesn't make that effort then she doesn't care. Whatever you do, don't give her the satisfaction of contacting her first.

[Els]

Well, I'm of two minds here. On the one hand, it's not realistic to expect your partner to respond immediately to texts all the time. Granted you are in a relationship, but you both have to live, too - if you're expected to keep an eye on your phone and respond immediately all the time regardless of what you are doing, it quickly feels like a chore and you start to resent the person expecting it. I would also question if it's healthy to be spending all that much time on texting.

 

On the other hand, she SHOULD be initiating calls/skype sometimes and putting an equal effort in to looking for flights. The fact that she doesn't is indeed worrisome.

 

I suggest you pull back a little bit - stop with the constant texting and expectation of immediate answers - and see if it helps. If it doesn't, I think you know what you need to do.

[Ronnys93]

Cheers for that. Her first day is tomorrow. We were Skyping earlier and I asked her to Skype me about how her first day went. Il let her contact me and hopefully she will ask to skype. There has been some cases where I've asked to skype like during the night. She will text me and reply reasonably, but will not ask to skype and I'll have to remind her. Could this just be her forgetting? Also should I initiate any conversation during the day tomorrow and hope she asks to Skype or just let her do everything? thanks for the help

Also a bit of other info is that I'm pretty notorious for overthinking things if that helps my case.

 

This happened in my recent situation until me and my LDR partner spoke about it on Skype. He opened up that he wanted to start asking me to skype more often since I was often the one initiating it, but he didn't know how because he was worried about whether I'd be busy or not. The next time you guys skype, let her know while speaking with her that you'd like for her to open up a little more since the distance requires that. Ask her to start initiating just a slight bit.

 

As Elswyth has said, you can't really expect someone to respond to you instantly all the time. It does get old, and expecting it is going to drive you mad after awhile. Find a hobby outside of your relationship. The REAL issue here is that she's busy with her life, and you're busy with her. You need to get back into living your life. Yes, she's a priority, but so are you. Don't ever forget that.

[ExpatInItaly]

I agree that she's losing interest. Stop initiating contact and see if she picks it up. If she doesn't, it is probably best to go your own ways.

[SpiralOut]

I think it's a bit weird that she forgets to try and contact you, but I also understand how hectic it can be to move somewhere new and try to meet new people. You say she is going out every night and starts school soon. Is it Frosh week for her right now? I only ask because I'm not sure how old you both are, if this is her first year away from home or not, etc.

 

I'm like her in the sense that I can go long periods without talking to people. However, it's important in a relationship to stay in touch for the other person's sake. I agree that she should initiate more of the conversations. Give her a chance to contact you first.

Edited February 19, 2017 by SpiralOut

[Whodatdog]

Long distance relationships are difficult under the best of circumstances, with both people fully committed to work on it. It doesnt sound like that situation here. She's not willing to work on this LDR, more like at her convenience. You are working far harder than she is at it.

 

I dont see this ending well.

[jackson11]

I think it's a bit weird that she forgets to try and contact you, but I also understand how hectic it can be to move somewhere new and try to meet new people. You say she is going out every night and starts school soon. Is it Frosh week for her right now? I only ask because I'm not sure how old you both are, if this is her first year away from home or not, etc.

 

I'm like her in the sense that I can go long periods without talking to people. However, it's important in a relationship to stay in touch for the other person's sake. I agree that she should initiate more of the conversations. Give her a chance to contact you first.

 

It's her first time moving out and her first year. Usually her dad would keep her under control but without him she's gone a bit wild I think. Effectively it is her 'frosh' week I suppose much like how I have O week. Basically a week of parties before uni starts

[jackson11]

Yes! Seems like she wants to make certain you stay stuck on her....while she's out doing her own thing.....and she's going to feel fine because you're showing her that you want her badly! It's definitely time for you to show her that she's not a priority to you either considering you're not a priority to her. I'm guessing that will change her ways quickly! Her actions speak louder than her words..most definitely! If she doesn't reach out to you and doesn't make that effort then she doesn't care. Whatever you do, don't give her the satisfaction of contacting her first.

 

She skyped me!! i didnt say anything. I think part of the problem is that I dont give her the opportunity to skype me first perhaps, therefore making me feel like she feels obligated. anyways hopefully this is a good sign then?? also said goodnight to me unprompted!

[Ronnys93]

She skyped me!! i didnt say anything. I think part of the problem is that I dont give her the opportunity to skype me first perhaps, therefore making me feel like she feels obligated. anyways hopefully this is a good sign then?? also said goodnight to me unprompted!

 

Yeah, you're just gonna have to give her some space to reach out. That's all it is. Don't be afraid to let her know that it's okay for her to reach out to you more often.

[justwhoiam]

My girlfriend [...] moved to another part of the country about a week and a half ago

What the heck! Only 10 days away and you're freaking out?? Chill out, man. You can't base your judgment on her first 10 days after a radical move. Get out and have a life. You only mentioned being online. What about you going out, seeing friends, meeting up family members, visiting people, devoting time to some hobby or volunteering for something to use up your empty time? Being so obsessive will only damage this fragile relationship. It's fragile, because you've been with this girl for only 6 months. It's fragile because it didn't have much time to develop yet in all its aspects, and it's already facing struggles (distance, communication...).

 

I think part of the issue is that I'm a bit jealous that shes moved and making all these new friends with little time to talk while i sit here and mope around. Also perhaps a bit insecure?

That's going to be negative for you and for the relationship itself. You'll be less and less interesting in her eyes, if all you do is "mope around". Anything else but you will be more exciting.