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Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 14th February 2017, 5:46 AM   #1
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Talking Ldr

There is a woman I like. She is two years younger than me.

I first flew out to visit her last September. Then for her birthday last month.

Both trips, when we went out to dinner and/or a movie, I paid for it every time because I felt I should.

She told me I could kiss her, hug her, or hold her hand. I had told her I was initially afraid to(no I am not having a mid-life crisis) because she previously had said 'no sex'. So I started to think hugging, kissing, and holding hands were also off limits. She said they weren't.

She wants me to call her. But she has said several times that she doesn't know what to say on the phone.

She rarely goes on the computer.

So what is your opinion?
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Old 14th February 2017, 6:45 AM   #2
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Sounds like you're dating a pet rock.
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Old 14th February 2017, 7:34 AM   #3
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If this relationship has any potential you will have to at least call her. Calling is superior to being on the computer.


You don't have to stay on the phone for hours. A 20 minute call to catch up should be fine.


In light of her seeming unwillingness to communicate & her dictate that there won't be sex, why are you pursing this? You flying to her & paying for everything sounds expensive & one sided. What's in it for you?
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Old 14th February 2017, 12:19 PM   #4
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If this relationship has any potential you will have to at least call her. Calling is superior to being on the computer.


You don't have to stay on the phone for hours. A 20 minute call to catch up should be fine.


In light of her seeming unwillingness to communicate & her dictate that there won't be sex, why are you pursing this? You flying to her & paying for everything sounds expensive & one sided. What's in it for you?
We talk on the phone no more than 30mins., usually. Which is fine with me. I call her almost every day. She will call me back, if she is in the middle of something, or doesn't answer the phone fast enough before her voicemail kicks in.
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Old 15th February 2017, 4:05 AM   #5
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30 mins isn't bad for somebody that can't talk on the phone. Some people do hate the phone or just aren't comfortable on it.
How's the convo though is it just superficial or very close , loving , more ?
Same when your together actually are you madly in love together?
How does she feel about you ?
Mind you , that's more asking from my perspective than say yours or someone else's,
Some couples do start of very slowly and build,

Sexually , to me it depends on why there isn't any yet . The same really in some couples , some women start of very very slowly, l respect that if it's just the way they are and do things, you bet.
Or is it her culture ?
But if it's something else like a lack of attraction or she just doesn't see you 2 like that then there's a problem.

For me it's all about things like this and the answers, and how you feel about her.
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Old 15th February 2017, 7:59 PM   #6
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30 mins isn't bad for somebody that can't talk on the phone. Some people do hate the phone or just aren't comfortable on it.
When I noticed her 'lack of communication', while on the phone. I thought she might think of me as a bore. Like I wasn't exciting or something. That was until I Googled it. Finding that she is not unique in that respect.
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How's the convo though is it just superficial or very close, loving, more?
For now, the 'closing salutation' reaches the level of 'Goodnight'.
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Same when your together actually are you madly in love together?
We haven't reached that point yet.
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How does she feel about you?
She trusts me. She has no problem with me paying for everything(I feel it is the gentleman thing to do), When we go to the movies and/or dinner.
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Mind you , that's more asking from my perspective than say yours or someone else's.
Can you explain that more?
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Some couples do start of very slowly and build.
True.
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Sexually, To me it depends on why there isn't any yet. The same really in some couples, some women start of very very slowly, l respect that if it's just the way they are and do things, you bet.
We mutually agreed not to have sex. For separate reasons. Both reasons, sort of have to do with trust.
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Or is it her culture?
We are both Caucasian Americans. So no cultural differences. Unless, Maybe if we were to have preferences connected to our respective ancestoral heritage. Luckily we both have German heritage. I just don't know if she would go for something like sauerkraut(german coleslaw), knockwurst or bratwurst(both types of german sausage).
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But if it's something else like a lack of attraction or she just doesn't see you 2 like that then there's a problem.
That is where I have this nagging thought in my mind. She said I could hug, kiss, or hold her hand. If there wasn't an element of attraction, she wouldn't have invited me to meet her family(her maternal G'ma nixed it saying she didn't know me long enough; her mother died in 2002, when the woman was 34yrs.-old)
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For me it's all about things like this and the answers, and how you feel about her.
True.
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Old 16th February 2017, 7:38 AM   #7
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What did you mean saying she previously had no sex , what a virgin or never been married or no bf's ?

Anyway man , l get the feeling she's just a very very slow burner you know , she wants this but maybe she doesn't get out much or something , lead a simple life, maybe old fashion, maybe a bit shy.
Just my opinion but l reckon it's really cute the way she tells you you can kiss her.
But hey ,don't be afraid to go for a bit more, she's probably waiting for it if she feels the right way, what's the worst that can happen, she smacks ya
Not saying throw her on the nearest bed straight off but you know .

All l meant with the other was that everyone's different , lots of different kinds of people out there and although it's kind of hard to believe these days , some people do still just start of very slowly.
My brother and his wife were like that but you know what , now they're are the only marriage on my family that survived.
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Old 16th February 2017, 9:52 AM   #8
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There is a woman I like.
Is this the woman you've been chatting with online for 10 years? If so, what was about the possible eviction? Can you explain better?

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So what is your opinion?
The lady is almost 50. At that age, any relatives' involvement seems quite inconsequential from the relational point of view. Meeting her grandma is no different, though it's nice, I guess.
She doesn't seem that interested. If she is, she poorly shows that. And you seem not to be really OK with that.

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We mutually agreed not to have sex. For separate reasons. Both reasons, sort of have to do with trust.
You just said she trusts you. But now about sex, she doesn't trust you? It sounds confusing.
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Old 16th February 2017, 4:09 PM   #9
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What did you mean saying she previously had no sex, what a virgin or never been married or no bf's?
What I meant, is that we both agreed, no sex. She has had bf's in the past, never been married. I got divorced almost twenty years ago.
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Anyway man, l get the feeling she's just a very very slow burner, you know. She wants this but maybe she doesn't get out much or something, lead a simple life, maybe old fashioned, maybe a bit shy.
Just my opinion but l reckon it's really cute the way she tells you you can kiss her.
She spends most of the day watching tv. I don't care about that(apart from soap operas' ). I was actually wondering if she said I could kiss her. Out of some sort of duress. Even though it was a response on her part.(probably over-thinking on my part)
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But hey, don't be afraid to go for a bit more. She's probably waiting for it if she feels the right way, what's the worst that can happen, she smacks ya
I wouldn't let her smack me, and I won't hit her.
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Not saying throw her on the nearest bed straight off but you know.
Good, I have been in DV situations in the past. That involved the police, where I was blamed for everything. I told her about all of it.
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All l meant with the other was that everyone's different. Lots of different kinds of people out there and although it's kind of hard to believe these days, some people do still just start of very slowly.
True
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My brother and his wife were like that but you know what now they're are the only marriage on my family that survived.
Ah. Well, My (ex)wife n' I dated five years, before getting married. We separated at five years, and divorced at eight years.

But, With my (ex)wife, she couldn't handle any of the responsibilities of living. Like financial, parenting, spousal, etc.
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Old 16th February 2017, 8:50 PM   #10
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Imo i believe you're in the friendzone.
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Old 16th February 2017, 11:26 PM   #11
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Is this the woman you've been chatting with online for 10 years? If so, what was about the possible eviction? Can you explain better?
Yes, It is that woman. As to a potential eviction. That is less a concern of mine because of something that happened, recently. She told him the other day to stop smoking around her. He thought she was kicking him out. When I asked her why he didn't smoke outside the apartment. She told me that the apartment management forbids residents and visitors alike, from smoking anywhere on the property, except inside the apartments. Even though I am a non-smoker. My first thought was, 'That is as enforceable as keeping flies from landing on a freshly made hotdog with ketchup, mustard, and relish'.
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The lady is almost 50. At that age, any relatives' involvement seems quite inconsequential from the relational point of view. Meeting her grandma is no different, though it's nice, I guess.
It is only 'consequential' in meeting the family. Her grandmother seems to have a lot of say in meeting the family, since her mother died in 2002. I will be 50 in May. But otherwise, you are right.
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She doesn't seem that interested. If she is, she poorly shows that. And you seem not to be really OK with that.
I 'think'(not feel) she poorly shows it. I am definitely interested. But I am biding my time. I did ask her at one point if she is shy. She said she isn't. I didn't say it to her. But I was asking in reference to the way the phone chats' go sometimes. Then I Googled it. Some people just don't know what to say on the phone, or they don't like talking on the phone. I was surprised that it, isn't that uncommon.
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You just said she trusts you. But now about sex, she doesn't trust you? It sounds confusing.
Trust when it comes to sex doesn't matter to me. In that, I have separate reasons(no I am not 'coming out', I am heterosexual). In terms of my physical health, she has not been in the 'trenches', yet. I need to be shown, that I can trust her with my physical health, should it act up in even the smallest form. Before I will even commit myself 100% to the relationship. I didn't do that with my (ex)wife. Her ignorance nearly killed me.
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Old 16th February 2017, 11:53 PM   #12
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Imo i believe you're in the friendzone.
Do you care to expound on that? Your opinion matters.
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Old 17th February 2017, 5:54 AM   #13
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Ahhhhh, her smacking or you throwing her on a bed was just a joke mate.

ps , yeah l wondered about the friendzone thing too on the other hand, and about what justwholam thought.
But l guess if it is indeed that instead then she'll shy away from you getting too close and def' wont let it get intimate.

Last edited by Chilli; 17th February 2017 at 6:03 AM..
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Old 17th February 2017, 7:58 AM   #14
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Ahhhhh, her smacking or you throwing her on a bed was just a joke mate.
Ah, ok

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ps , yeah l wondered about the friendzone thing too on the other hand, and about what justwholam thought.
But l guess if it is indeed that instead then she'll shy away from you getting too close and def' wont let it get intimate.
I have thinking about that. Since she was the one who said that kissing, hugging n' holding hands, was not included in 'no sex'.
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Old 17th February 2017, 8:25 AM   #15
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Do you care to expound on that? Your opinion matters.
You're the only chasing, calling and flying, she's not showing that much interest.
Also She told you no sex but you can hug and kiss, she HAD TO TELL YOU to do things which mean you're not sexually dominant/attractive.

Even if she's interested and doesn't know how to show it, you're doing a bad job by letting her lead, women HATE leading it's your job as a man to do that.
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