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Ten Years to Nothing


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 11th January 2017, 3:36 PM   #1
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Unhappy Ten Years to Nothing

I apologize in advance for the lengthy back story, but need opinions.
Background information:
I met a guy ten years ago at a music festival, he said he adored me from the moment he saw me... drove to my state two weeks later to see me at another festival. I was not that into him at the time, and we never "hooked up".
Every year he would text/call on birthdays and holidays, send random cute texts, but we never pursued each other or met back up for ten years. We obviously both had relationships in between, him being in one for seven years! He never really discussed in detail what happened, just that she cheated on him near the end, he forgave her, then did it again. He did divulge info that it ended badly, and he was beaten up by cops and thrown in jail because of a false accusation he was threatening them with a gun. Money and lawyers later they were DONEZO! He was tight lipped about details and got weird when I asked, even after two years of being broke up with her!
I reached out to him in August, and us both being single began talking a lot!! We live on opposite sides of the country, so we would FaceTime all the time too. He confessed he fell in love at first site with me, and has thought about me and had feelings for me for years. I soaked it all up, we even talked about marriage, children, houses.... literally we FaceTimed every morning night and texted throughout day for like three months. He told me he loved me profusely twenty times everyday.
I finally said screw it and flew out to see him for two nights, which were amazing (wink wink) and sealed the deal.
Our relationship continued like this for another month or so when I left, but I was much more needy after seeing him, and would question on when we will see each other next. He was planning on spending Christmas with my family and I. We had a Mexico trip paid on my behalf planned for January!

Long story short: from looking at his Facebook page I knew what his ex looked like and her first name, so I searched for her on Instagram one night that we didn't have our typical FaceTime date, and I was drinking wine. Yes I cyberstalked him and his ex, but didn't think it was that big of a deal.
Well I think the liquid courage from the wine took over me so I decided messaging her something to the lines of: "heard you dated this hippie guy, have any details about him"... something stupid. I realized it was stupid and immediately unfollowed/blocked her and felt embarrassed. It wasn't my finest moment.

Well apparently SHE reached out to him and I don't know what was said on that end. The last thing I heard from him via text after this was "I love you sweetheart, I hope you know that".
A few days went by and I had NO IDEA she reached out to him, but he wouldn't respond to any of my texts/calls.
He finally responded with ....I contacted someone I shouldn't have, I am a psycho stalker, it's done, F you, F off, I disrespected him, and I brought the SH$7 he is running away from back in his life. I was dumbfounded and heartbroken that someone that discussed forever and always type of love couldn't forgive my little social media mistake.

It has been two weeks of full on NO CONTACT on either of our ends. He does have a temper, but I'm hoping the dust will settle, and if he actually meant anything he told me everyday for four months he will forgive me and reach out.

Do any of you agree he has to be thinking of me? Especially over the holiday we were supposed to spend together, and our upcoming trip? Do you think he will come around? Did he just talk a good game, and claim he's loved me for ten years just to get in my pants? (Which he did address that was not the case at all)
How bad did I mess up? Any advice from an outsider would be greatly appreciated!

I am left with nothing but a broken heart and big question mark!
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Old 11th January 2017, 3:58 PM   #2
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OP - this man sounds very similar to the man who assaulted me and tried to kill me - he is now in jail.

Same story about his ex gf....assault and all. Except when the truth came out, it wasn't at all what he said it was. Have you googled his name? Searched court records? Google his name and the words "charged", "court" and try his hometown too.

The obsessive telling you he loves you is called love bombing. Its a HUGE red flag. My ex did it too. Thought he was totally in love with me. Nope, he was a psychotic manipulator with a history of abusing women and the law. This guy is a manipulator. Why are you paying for his trip to Mexico? Does he have no money?

He is freaking out because either 1 - he has a no contact with his ex and anyone related to him contacting her could possibly end him up in jail, or he is still dating/talking to her.

Your gut made you message her. Listen to your gut. You know it is right. Just reading your story gave me the willies from how similar your guy is to my ex....and trust me, my ex was a bad bad bad bad man...and I had NO idea.

Take this time to look at yourself and the relationship. Talking/facetiming all day and night. Obsessive telling I love Yous etc...this is not healthy. This is a freepass to get out of a very bad situation early if you are smart. I wasn't. I ignored all signs and ended up in the hospital and almost killed. Don't make the samemistake.
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Old 11th January 2017, 10:08 PM   #3
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Thank you so much VeveCakes. Reading about love bombing definitely made me realize I was living in a fantasy land with a sociopath. This definitely made me feel better so thank you for sharing! I am so glad you are okay and hope you know you have helped me open my eyes and see I dodged a bullet.
I tried to find stuff online through court records, did see the case, but the disposition was coded weird and I couldn't figure it out if the charges stuck or what sentence, if any he got. It was a verbal/mental abuse case.
This new insight is giving me strength to fight the urge of wanting answers from him still and wondering if he is at all thinking of me or wanting to talk.

Thank you!!!
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Old 11th January 2017, 10:38 PM   #4
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Put this 'almost relationship' to bed.

Let him be swept away by the tide of history.

Never look back.

You'll find something better.


Take care.
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Old 12th January 2017, 10:47 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jadedosu View Post
Thank you so much VeveCakes. Reading about love bombing definitely made me realize I was living in a fantasy land with a sociopath. This definitely made me feel better so thank you for sharing! I am so glad you are okay and hope you know you have helped me open my eyes and see I dodged a bullet.
I tried to find stuff online through court records, did see the case, but the disposition was coded weird and I couldn't figure it out if the charges stuck or what sentence, if any he got. It was a verbal/mental abuse case.
This new insight is giving me strength to fight the urge of wanting answers from him still and wondering if he is at all thinking of me or wanting to talk.

Thank you!!!
I'm so glad...not that you are in this situation but that you are not ignoring my advice lol

It will be really hard to get away from him, I think he will come back. You will have to be strong, but just keep thinking about the big love you know you deserve, from someone who deserves it.
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Old 12th January 2017, 11:15 AM   #6
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You should contact the police department where he was arrested on the weapons charge and obtain a copy of the police report. You may discover you dodged a bullet.

Last edited by Simple Logic; 12th January 2017 at 11:21 AM..
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Old 18th January 2017, 1:36 AM   #7
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OP, I know what it is like to be falsely accused. My (ex)fiance accused me of raping her. She wrote it on the website of her college alma mater. I had found out about it because one day I decided to look at the website out of curiosity.

I finally was able to get in touch with the college department in charge of the university's website. They refused to remove her allegations from the website.

So, Her rape allegation is still on the website. Even though she made the allegation almost five years after she ended our relationship. I also found her cheating on me towards the end of the relationship with a friend of mine. He was unaware of her history.

She has Bi-Polar Disorder. I am not the first guy she accused of raping her.
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Old Yesterday, 4:26 PM   #8
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Sorry to hear about that.
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