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Is he being too selfish or not?


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 11th January 2017, 11:32 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by justwhoiam View Post
How did you meet him? Was it a site/messenger mainly meant to hook up?

Living separately is acceptable, especially now; but seeing each other only at weekends? Too rigid.

You can let him know you'd love the stability of a real relationship and, although he's not considering one at the moment, would he entertain the idea for the future if things between you two went fine? Is gay marriage possible where he currently lives? What's the general mood about gays there?
We met thru a dating site. He suggested in fact that I move there in May. However, it appears that things have taken another twist..Well, he said on weekends, primarily due to the schedule on weekdays..

Where he lives it's allowed for 2 males to get married, with people being really tolerant of this orientation.
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Old 11th January 2017, 11:45 AM   #17
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alpet. Way too much going against you both having a solid relationship. Too far. Too expensive. He is clearly expressing discomfort on the idea. He is not 100% into this relationship and after only 4-months, I don't blame him. You have to think about jobs, cultural differences, and a more than likely chance the whole meeting only on weekends thing may get old quickly.

I, like others, would advise against you moving there.
Yes, you're right..I've been contemplating all these things, and taking things slowly because I'm aware of many hardships I'd have to go through.

It seems that now he's a bit too detached on whatsapp, in that he writes me less and less during the day.. Should ask him why?? Is this an indication that the whole thing will eventually die away??
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Old 11th January 2017, 11:48 AM   #18
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Then as I said, see if he's open for the future or he's totally against a steady relationship.
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Old 11th January 2017, 2:56 PM   #19
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Then as I said, see if he's open for the future or he's totally against a steady relationship.
He somehow made it clear he's fed up with relationships in his exes being unbearable or disregarding of him.

If I decide to move and live there alone in the beginning -which is normally the hardest phase, emotionally speaking - what would be the point of us living together later; this, generally speaking.

I'm not necessarily striving for a relationship: I'm just afraid of sinking into some form of depression due to finding the move overwhelming..

In my town I live alone too, but having a good job and knowing many people renders things different, and easier, except for the fact that I can't openly have a boyfriend/relationship..
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Old 12th January 2017, 2:44 AM   #20
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In my town I live alone too, but having a good job and knowing many people renders things different, and easier, except for the fact that I can't openly have a boyfriend/relationship..
You can be a "pioneer" where you live, but life might be hell for you. What sounds best to you between staying and leaving? Between hiding and being out in the open with someone you love?
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Old 12th January 2017, 3:13 AM   #21
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You can be a "pioneer" where you live, but life might be hell for you. What sounds best to you between staying and leaving? Between hiding and being out in the open with someone you love?
Oh, being "a pioneer" is not the suitable term for me. The thing is that I haven't found the right person here either because most of the guys on the site -this being the only or the most common avenue to get to know someone- are either married or too scared to meet up, or too young for me, and so on...LDRs are tormenting too..
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Old 18th January 2017, 1:41 AM   #22
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Hi, my boyfriend (45) and me (34) live in two different (Europian) states. We have been on an LDR since last Sept.(when we first got to know each other). I flew to him for a week during the New Year break, in order to spend more time together. We love each other, but there are two problems in the way:

1. I told him I can't join him if there's no job opportunity for me there, as I want my financial independence..
2.He remarked that - even if I could find a job there - he wouldn't still like us to live together but only meet on weekends..

With me considering to make such a move to be together, isn't he being a bit too selfish with this remark??
(He justifies his stance with his two previous relationships not being healthy enough. I, on the other hand, haven't had a long relationship.)

Would his suggestion be the right thing to do?

Thanks..
It sounds like, by you asserting your need for financial independence. That the two of you would live in the same locale, but not together.

Is that what you meant to tell him?
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Old 18th January 2017, 2:39 AM   #23
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Don't even consider moving if you cannot imagine yourself being happy on your own where he is.

That is my advice as someone who has also moved to a different country (though I did so for personal reasons, wasn't in a relationship at the time) You two have not spent enough time together in person to determine if this is a viable match long-term, so it would be very risky to move just for him at this point.

If you do go, only do so with the understanding that you will not live together. It doesn't sound like that would be in the cards for a while, which is wise. You have no idea how you'll get along when you're spending more time together and believe me when I say you don't want to be "trapped" (for lack of a better word) in a bad relationship in a place you don't like.
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