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BF doesn't have much money to come visit me.


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 3rd January 2017, 6:58 AM   #1
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BF doesn't have much money to come visit me.

I am a Filipino and I met my Scottish boyfriend from a dating site. We have been chatting for 9 months now via Viber. He has always told me that he would love to come visit me in the Philippines. Just recently, I asked him when does he plan to come see me. He told me that he doesn't know yet and he need to save more money.

It makes me sad because I really want to see him in person and I'm sure he sincerely wants to see me, too. This LDR thing is killing me.

If you guys are in my shoes, what would you do?
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Old 3rd January 2017, 7:25 AM   #2
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After nine months If he really wanted to visit you he would have some plans made.You know nothing about this man other than what he has told you.Try not to get too emotionally involved with him until you see some progress on his part.
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Old 3rd January 2017, 8:30 AM   #3
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We have been chatting for 9 months now via Viber
And when exactly did he become your bf? And how did it happen?

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I asked him when does he plan to come see me. He told me that he doesn't know yet and he need to save more money.
...
If you guys are in my shoes, what would you do?
A LDR is not a piece of cake. You're just dealing with the tip of the iceberg.
First of all, don't call him your boyfriend until you meet him in person and don't be his girlfriend until that happens. A relationship usually requires commitment, and you'd be a fool to commit to someone you barely know.
Secondly, the burden of the distance cannot be all on him. If you intend to go down the path of a LDR, you'll need to put in a lot of money to make it happen (travels, meals, visas, expenses imposed by bureaucracy, etc.)

Now you know what to expect, if you don't want to be his friend with benefits for once a year or less, or his platonic online chat buddy.
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Old 3rd January 2017, 8:36 AM   #4
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I'd give him 3 more months and not bring it up myself at all during that time. If he doesn't bring it up during that time, including giving you a timeline of when it will happen, then he's just BS'ing you having fun chatting with no intention of meeting. Dump him then.
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Old 3rd January 2017, 9:26 AM   #5
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I think you're wasting your time with this one.
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Old 6th January 2017, 4:39 AM   #6
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After nine months If he really wanted to visit you he would have some plans made.You know nothing about this man other than what he has told you.Try not to get too emotionally involved with him until you see some progress on his part.
Hi, thanks for the response. He seems so nice and sincere. He said he would really love to come and see me but he has a house to pay for and his bills are very high. He can't afford the trip. Is there something else that we can do to make it happen?
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Old 6th January 2017, 4:49 AM   #7
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And when exactly did he become your bf? And how did it happen?

Secondly, the burden of the distance cannot be all on him. If you intend to go down the path of a LDR, you'll need to put in a lot of money to make it happen (travels, meals, visas, expenses imposed by bureaucracy, etc.)
Hi, thanks for your response. Does this mean that if he is not able to come here, it's fine if I come and visit him in Scotland?

He seems nice and sincere and would love to see me but he said he has a house to pay for and his bills are very high. Flights to the Philippines are so expensive he can't afford it. Do you think there is something that we can do to make this happen?
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Old 6th January 2017, 5:08 AM   #8
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Hi, thanks for your response. Does this mean that if he is not able to come here, it's fine if I come and visit him in Scotland?

He seems nice and sincere and would love to see me but he said he has a house to pay for and his bills are very high. Flights to the Philippines are so expensive he can't afford it. Do you think there is something that we can do to make this happen?
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure this is true. However, if you do pursue the relationship long term wise are you really going to be the one that has to make the trips to Scotland all the time? If you're fine with that go ahead, however his response makes it sound like he doesn't want to even at least TRY to come visit you. It sounds off and I think you should take the others advice in here.
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Old 6th January 2017, 7:05 AM   #9
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When undertaking a long distance relationship, both parties need to be able to have the finances and flexibility to travel. And one of them should be keen to move countries if the relationship works.

Otherwise you are just penpals.
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Old 6th January 2017, 12:17 PM   #10
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Hi, thanks for your response. Does this mean that if he is not able to come here, it's fine if I come and visit him in Scotland?

He seems nice and sincere and would love to see me but he said he has a house to pay for and his bills are very high. Flights to the Philippines are so expensive he can't afford it. Do you think there is something that we can do to make this happen?
if you want dont mind visit him, i am also in LDR.
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Old 6th January 2017, 12:25 PM   #11
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And when exactly did he become your bf? And how did it happen?


A LDR is not a piece of cake. You're just dealing with the tip of the iceberg.
First of all, don't call him your boyfriend until you meet him in person and don't be his girlfriend until that happens. A relationship usually requires commitment, and you'd be a fool to commit to someone you barely know.
Secondly, the burden of the distance cannot be all on him. If you intend to go down the path of a LDR, you'll need to put in a lot of money to make it happen (travels, meals, visas, expenses imposed by bureaucracy, etc.)

Now you know what to expect, if you don't want to be his friend with benefits for once a year or less, or his platonic online chat buddy.
THIS. Read and let it sink in.

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I'd give him 3 more months and not bring it up myself at all during that time. If he doesn't bring it up during that time, including giving you a timeline of when it will happen, then he's just BS'ing you having fun chatting with no intention of meeting. Dump him then.
3 months is too long even....wait 3 weeks if at all.

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When undertaking a long distance relationship, both parties need to be able to have the finances and flexibility to travel. And one of them should be keen to move countries if the relationship works.

Otherwise you are just penpals.
LDR is not for the broke. If he can't afford it after 9 months he cant afford it period. Methinks he is taking you for a ride.
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Old 6th January 2017, 11:11 PM   #12
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hi, thanks for the response. He seems so nice and sincere. He said he would really love to come and see me but he has a house to pay for and his bills are very high. He can't afford the trip. Is there something else that we can do to make it happen?
move in with him
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Old 7th January 2017, 12:18 AM   #13
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I've got to ask the obvious, which has already been touched on by another poster. What makes him your boyfriend? Not only that, but what does that mean to both of you?

Both serious questions, and there is a strong possibility of cross cultural / cross language misinterpretation here as well.

A boyfriend, in the west (for example) usually means a couple, theres an actual relationship of the 'coupling' type going on. Its generally implied that this is also monogamous, though my own view on this is that monogamy needs to be specifically addressed and agreed to, not inferred.

Could it be that this man is simply a 'friend' who happens to also be a boy? Like a penpal? Without an in-person meet its hard for me to imagine the relationship being much more than this.

If your real question here is how to try and determine if he is serious about you, in a coupling sense, then sure, why not bring up in conversation the possibility of you visiting him? See how he reacts to that? You don't necessarily need to pursue it, ultimately you may choose not to go, so don't make any hasty promises, but at least explore this avenue to see what the reaction is.

I agree with another poster who said that LDR's are not for the 'broke'. Particularly true when the distance is international and not simply intra country - though even there, if the distance is more than trivial, you need to have access to real funds to make it work.

I had a relationship with a Thai woman for about 9 months and constant travel, hotels, etc, to enable the relationship to move forward cost me about 30K over that time. Even then, I didn't travel and meet as much as I, and we, would have liked.
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Old 8th January 2017, 2:35 AM   #14
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Hi, thanks for your response.
You're welcome.

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Does this mean that if he is not able to come here, it's fine if I come and visit him in Scotland?
It means that things need to be balanced. Balance is key; with anything one-sided, the risk is reaching break-up point.

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he said he has a house to pay for and his bills are very high.
I was paying a mortgage too and I'm always kinda broke, but we managed to see each other anyway.

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Flights to the Philippines are so expensive he can't afford it.
Hmm, I had a very quick look at rates of flights from Glasgow to Manila, and they start from 483 round trip. If he saves 80 a month, in 6 months he'll have the money to be there. You'd need a very cheap accomodation, or host him at home (if you trust him enough). That said, I guess he doesn't want it to happen as much as you do, since he sort of gave up before even starting. It looks like you're providing nice company online.

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Do you think there is something that we can do to make this happen?
I think that if you push it too much, the relationship will be your own creation. I wouldn't like it, but to each their own.
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Old 8th January 2017, 3:22 AM   #15
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I am a Filipino and I met my Scottish boyfriend from a dating site. We have been chatting for 9 months now via Viber. He has always told me that he would love to come visit me in the Philippines. Just recently, I asked him when does he plan to come see me. He told me that he doesn't know yet and he need to save more money.

It makes me sad because I really want to see him in person and I'm sure he sincerely wants to see me, too. This LDR thing is killing me.

If you guys are in my shoes, what would you do?
How old are you? What is your BF's age?
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