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Sometimes he just ignores my texts [UPDATE I went to see him this weekend]


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 6th January 2017, 12:09 PM   #46
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A 'type' changes all the time.

I remember being into body builders, then I remember being into intellectual types, then I remember being into the bad boy looks and followed by the clean cut types.

This fear you have comes from your insecurities. Huge insecurities.
well, duh, of course.
i am insecure about my body, i think i am too fat and it's not a desirable body.
if he is usually into skinny girls and dated skinny girls before, why would he like me?
i am not pretending that i am not insecure.
actually, today is just an especially bad day, i am PMSing and i feel all my negative thoughts are taking over.
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Old 6th January 2017, 12:56 PM   #47
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well, duh, of course.
i am insecure about my body, i think i am too fat and it's not a desirable body.
if he is usually into skinny girls and dated skinny girls before, why would he like me?
i am not pretending that i am not insecure.
actually, today is just an especially bad day, i am PMSing and i feel all my negative thoughts are taking over.
Sexiness isn't the number on a scale, it's in your confidence and your attitude about yourself. It's loving your body for what it is and working all of what you've got.

I am short brunette, curvy and on top of that I am not so young anymore but I believe so much in myself and in my value that no skinny little blond in my BF's past will make me second guess myself.

Let your boyfriend decide what he finds sexy. I spent time and money on so many sexy lingerie to appear sexy in front of my BF when all this time he preferred to see me in my old boxer pants with monkeys on them. So, don't decide for your boyfriend what is sexy.
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Old 6th January 2017, 1:02 PM   #48
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Are you visiting him today as planned?
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Old 6th January 2017, 1:13 PM   #49
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Are you visiting him today as planned?
No, I am seeing him next week. We moved the date of my visit.

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Sexiness isn't the number on a scale, it's in your confidence and your attitude about yourself. It's loving your body for what it is and working all of what you've got.

I am short brunette, curvy and on top of that I am not so young anymore but I believe so much in myself and in my value that no skinny little blond in my BF's past will make me second guess myself.

Let your boyfriend decide what he finds sexy. I spent time and money on so many sexy lingerie to appear sexy in front of my BF when all this time he preferred to see me in my old boxer pants with monkeys on them. So, don't decide for your boyfriend what is sexy.
I feel sexy sometimes. We we were in bed together (those 4 times in the 4 days that we spend time together), I felt sexy, but the lights were dim or i turned them off completely, because i was a bit insecure about some parts of my body where I am not toned (belly, thighs).
But the problem is more with the fact that i feel he has a preference.
And also the fact that my body has changed alot in the past year (I gained 18 kg from medication, now lost 6, but still, 12 kg too much from what i used to be).
I am trying to work on my self esteem by also doing more fitness (i do eat very healthy).
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Old 6th January 2017, 1:49 PM   #50
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Okay, I just read all these "merged threads" and I have to say it makes it easier to see your issues having it all out here in one place.

The issue I see is you are trying to figure this guy out from texts, which isn't possible. There is no shortcut to assure you that this is or isn't the guy for you, because the ONLY way to know is to spend repeated face time with him and get to know him. You say he said he's introverted. That probably means socially awkward, but you say he sent you a ticket, so that's good.

So how is he in person? Are you attracted? Is he talkative or is he like talking to a pet rock? What I want to caution you to do since you seem to think that you together with we at Loveshack can get inside this guy's head remotely is to realize that his silence doesn't meet rivers run deep. It more likely means he's awkward and hasn't much to say. The fact he may have had a girlfriend before is encouraging, so I'm hanging onto that thread of possibility that that is true to just encourage you to stop focusing on texts in any way and just focus on getting together for face time to see what he's like.

If you have facetime and still feel he is a blank slate that you can make nothing of, then he probably just doesn't have enough personality for you. You should only love what he shows you, not what you want to imagine he's hiding inside.
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Old 6th January 2017, 2:02 PM   #51
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Okay, I just read all these "merged threads" and I have to say it makes it easier to see your issues having it all out here in one place.

The issue I see is you are trying to figure this guy out from texts, which isn't possible. There is no shortcut to assure you that this is or isn't the guy for you, because the ONLY way to know is to spend repeated face time with him and get to know him. You say he said he's introverted. That probably means socially awkward, but you say he sent you a ticket, so that's good.

So how is he in person? Are you attracted? Is he talkative or is he like talking to a pet rock? What I want to caution you to do since you seem to think that you together with we at Loveshack can get inside this guy's head remotely is to realize that his silence doesn't meet rivers run deep. It more likely means he's awkward and hasn't much to say. The fact he may have had a girlfriend before is encouraging, so I'm hanging onto that thread of possibility that that is true to just encourage you to stop focusing on texts in any way and just focus on getting together for face time to see what he's like.

If you have facetime and still feel he is a blank slate that you can make nothing of, then he probably just doesn't have enough personality for you. You should only love what he shows you, not what you want to imagine he's hiding inside.

We only spent 4 days together in person in 2 months of dating.
Those 4 days were pretty great, and we talked a lot and he was a bit more open about himself. The moment he left, he went back to being an enigma to me. He just doesn't talk about feelings at all.
His last girlfriend he broke up with 4 years ago, so he has been single for 4 years.

What you wrote about not having enough 'personality' for me kinda shocked me, because I had not considered that, and now I am scared that may be the
case... My last boyfriend was soo extroverted and outgoing and had a lot of personality in general... I think I liked that from the get go.
And we just fit really well in that regard, he brought out the best in me.

This new guy has a lot of potential, he just likes the same things as me and our humor fits 100% perfectly, we laugh together all the time.
And he is also a better age fit.
But maybe introvert is not my match? I don't know. Don't want to give up yet.
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Old 6th January 2017, 2:25 PM   #52
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We only spent 4 days together in person in 2 months of dating.
Those 4 days were pretty great, and we talked a lot and he was a bit more open about himself. The moment he left, he went back to being an enigma to me. He just doesn't talk about feelings at all.
What feelings do you want him to talk about you are practically strangers to each other.

You spend 4 days together, that is a grant total of 96 hours that is not enough to express feelings toward you and not enough to build a trust with you to share general feelings about life.
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Old 6th January 2017, 3:36 PM   #53
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What feelings do you want him to talk about you are practically strangers to each other.

You spend 4 days together, that is a grant total of 96 hours that is not enough to express feelings toward you and not enough to build a trust with you to share general feelings about life.
Well, i mean in general. you can at least talk about yourself so the other person knows who she is talking to, but he is just a completely closed book.
we talk everyday and it's mostly me talking about myself.
i feel he knows more about me than i do about him
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Old 6th January 2017, 5:48 PM   #54
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if he is usually into skinny girls and dated skinny girls before, why would he like me?
You don't think that perhaps he enjoys your company? My hubby likes an athletic body with long blonde hair. I'm curvy with edgy short red hair. We are worth more than our appearance.

All in all though, I have to question why you're with him. He doesn't seem to be meeting your needs. Why are you still bothering with him? Do you have limited options?

Don't date for someone's potential. Date for who they are now and how great the relationship is.
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Old 6th January 2017, 6:32 PM   #55
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Well, i mean in general. you can at least talk about yourself so the other person knows who she is talking to, but he is just a completely closed book.
we talk everyday and it's mostly me talking about myself.
i feel he knows more about me than i do about him
You can encourage him to talk about himself when you are together. Men that are not into texting in general won't start sharing about themselves on text or online.

Getting to know someone happens over time. You don't know someone because you asked him 1000 questions about him. My BF rarely talks about himself. We discuss a million things together but we rarely talk about his past, his likes and dislikes. We learn about each other through spending time together. Each time we go to the movies I learn more about he likes, more we eat together I get to know what is his favorite, when we have issues at work I learn about how available he is to me to support me, I learn about how he needs time alone to process his issues. None of this about my BF I learn by chatting on text.
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Old 6th January 2017, 6:35 PM   #56
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You don't think that perhaps he enjoys your company? My hubby likes an athletic body with long blonde hair. I'm curvy with edgy short red hair. We are worth more than our appearance.

All in all though, I have to question why you're with him. He doesn't seem to be meeting your needs. Why are you still bothering with him? Do you have limited options?

Don't date for someone's potential. Date for who they are now and how great the relationship is.
I wasn't looking for a relationship.
A friend put me on Tinder one evening, and my guy was one out of many I matched
with in a matter of minutes. We exchanged a few texts, but then I went to sleep and
did not open the app for two weeks.
Two weeks later my friend asks me "What happened with that one guy you got along with?"
and I said "Oh, I haven't checked".
So, I checked, and he had written again.
Took just a day or two until we were talking on the phone.

We just like all the same things, regarding music, movies, art.
We both studied the same thing and work similar jobs.
We have the same aspirations for each of our lives.
We laugh together (he has a great sense of humor and he finds me funny,
which is rare, cause most people don't get my humor).
We both avoid people (kinda loners), and although I love communicating,
he is kinda more introvert in that sense. He is reluctant to talk about himself.

I know little about his life (only major things), but nothing about how whatever
happened in his life made him who he is today, how things affect him,
how he feels inside, why he is happy or sad, what moves him...
These are all things I am personally very open about.
He said he'd be more open with time, so I am waiting.

It just makes me insecure.
Sometimes I wonder if he really is interested in anything longterm.
I didn't think I was until I met him. I do like him a lot.
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Old 6th January 2017, 6:36 PM   #57
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You can encourage him to talk about himself when you are together. Men that are not into texting in general won't start sharing about themselves on text or online.

Getting to know someone happens over time. You don't know someone because you asked him 1000 questions about him. My BF rarely talks about himself. We discuss a million things together but we rarely talk about his past, his likes and dislikes. We learn about each other through spending time together. Each time we go to the movies I learn more about he likes, more we eat together I get to know what is his favorite, when we have issues at work I learn about how available he is to me to support me, I learn about how he needs time alone to process his issues. None of this about my BF I learn by chatting on text.
This is encouraging, thank you, Gaeta!!!
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Old 8th January 2017, 3:42 AM   #58
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I have been dating a guy for two months now.
How do you count when you started dating? Hopefulling not your first message exchange on Tinder.

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We met online and live 500km apart
In what country do you both live?

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Sometimes I write a long text and he reads it but doesn't reply.
Are you talking about some sort of acknowledgment? I'm not into that kind of thing. If I have anything to say, I'll say it. But I admit that more than once I let some message go, for different reasons. BUT if you send him love messages and he replies with I'm going to the supermarket and that's it, that's your clue something's off.

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I still hope he just needs to warm up to "us"?
Is this your secret lingo to say he needs to adapt to you? The moment you think there's an "us": 1. make sure he's thinking the same way, and 2. start thinking that an "us" requires efforts on both sides. If you're looking for the smoothest relationship, then give up the idea of a LDR right away, no matter what the plans in your (near or distant) future are.

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He hasn't had a girlfriend in 4 years
How did he explain that?

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is there something other than waiting and being patient that i could do to encourage him to communicate more?
Raise his interest and involvement.

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I just have a completely different pace at communicating online and via phone, it seems.
Well, that can have its perks. Any online cheating might be difficult with someone like your boyfriend.

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I am moving away from my city in 6 months time, and by then I will live 1 car driving hour away from where he lives now.
[...]
In half a year I will be moving to a city 2 hours away from him.
So, which? It's confusing.

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he just got me a voucher for christmas for 80 Euros so I can visit him (so I don't have to pay for the train fare myself). I thought that seemed 'invested'.
Wow, your fellow countrymen must be really lame if 80 euros can prove their seriousness regarding a relationship. Maybe you're right, that screams like investment in a woman. I'm not being sarcastic, I'm trying to see things in a different light. I guess the amount of money can vary depending on the guy's funds.

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the last two days he has been texting me in the morning, about 3 times during the day and when he went to bed. I guess that is a good sign?
Did that happen upon your request? Or spontaneously without even hitting the topic?

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Do you think it is generally worth it to enter a relationship with someone who already lives far away?
Generally, I'd think it's not worth it. But it's just a matter of statistics.

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I just wonder how it will be for the psyche of the possible relationship. I have never done this before.
Two-hours away and one-hour away are not exactly the same thing. One-hour away shouldn't be a problem, especially if he has a car. Two-hours away might be more of a problem in practice. I mean, to sustain long-term. But nothing that can't be overcome. Obviously, it takes two to make it work. Same devotion. Same commitment. Share efforts. Shared goals.

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I wonder if a great love would persuade him to move back?
Did you ask that yourself? Would you move for a great love?

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I don't look like the women he usually dates. Thoughts?
Many people like trying new things, explore... how do you know what it feels like being with this type or the other if you haven't tried? It might be the same for him. You thought you didn't like pistachio ice cream, then you try it and it's the only flavor you want. Also, there comes a time when stereotypes don't do it for you anymore, and you're gladly in for some kink. And by that I don't mean that being with you means he's being kinky. Just not the ordinary, predictable guy anymore.

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I feel my current guy also likes small boobs.
How did you come to that conclusion? I think it'd be better for you not to assume so much, it usually affects a relationship in a very bad way.

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we haven't even declared to be in a relationship yet.
So what is it? Are you seeing each other for casual encounters? I think you should clear this up right away, to avoid any (further) disappointment.

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if he is usually into skinny girls and dated skinny girls before, why would he like me?
Like you for what? For casual encounters, I guess looks are not so important, provided he's not grossed out. He didn't commit to you and you're having sex. He's content with that. You need to assess what way he likes you and what he hopes for... for you two (separately or together).

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i am PMSing
Talking about too much information... Did you say that to give us a general picture of your state of mind? Or of your physical condition? Or to warn us not to mess up with you online? I'll give you something uncalled for too just out of courtesy: try to discern what information is necessary and what is not, and always remember that class is a plus for most women who have it.

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We moved the date of my visit.
How come?

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we talk everyday and it's mostly me talking about myself.
Why don't you ask him things to get to know him?

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We both avoid people
I guess that's not good. And you both have steady jobs? Can you keep jobs? Are the jobs well paid?

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I know little about his life
Did you meet any of his friends? Does he have any friends? Have you talked about meeting your respective families? I know now it's a bit early, but you're adults. He's 33 and such a talk should be on the table, even if you decide to meet them after 1 year of dating.
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Old 8th January 2017, 7:24 AM   #59
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How do you count when you started dating? Hopefulling not your first message exchange on Tinder.
I guess the day we exchanged numbers and started texting/talking on phone/skype off of the tinder app, which was 2 weeks after we met on tinder.


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In what country do you both live?
Germany.


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Are you talking about some sort of acknowledgment? I'm not into that kind of thing. If I have anything to say, I'll say it. But I admit that more than once I let some message go, for different reasons. BUT if you send him love messages and he replies with I'm going to the supermarket and that's it, that's your clue something's off.
I have not sent any love messages. We are not there yet. It's more what I am doing, random things, jokes, etc. He doesn't always reply. Sometimes he does, sometimes he does not. :/


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Is this your secret lingo to say he needs to adapt to you? The moment you think there's an "us": 1. make sure he's thinking the same way, and 2. start thinking that an "us" requires efforts on both sides. If you're looking for the smoothest relationship, then give up the idea of a LDR right away, no matter what the plans in your (near or distant) future are.
No I am not saying he needs to adapt to me, I guess just to adapt to having someone in his life again.


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How did he explain that?
He said he has not been in a relationship in 4 years. So he was single for 4 years, and is not good at sharing everyday life with someone else. He got used to being single. So I think that he was trying to explain why he is not so good at communicating, etc. He also said his last relationship was ****ty.


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Well, that can have its perks. Any online cheating might be difficult with someone like your boyfriend.
We just started dating, I don't worry about cheating.


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So, which? It's confusing.
2 hours with car or train once I move.


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Wow, your fellow countrymen must be really lame if 80 euros can prove their seriousness regarding a relationship. Maybe you're right, that screams like investment in a woman. I'm not being sarcastic, I'm trying to see things in a different light. I guess the amount of money can vary depending on the guy's funds.
I thought it was a sweet gesture. What you wrote was a bit confusing, I don't get sarcasm well, so not sure what you meant.


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Did that happen upon your request? Or spontaneously without even hitting the topic?
I did not request it per se, I just said that I am used to more communication and then he stepped up his game a week later out of nowhere.


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Generally, I'd think it's not worth it. But it's just a matter of statistics.
Ok.


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Two-hours away and one-hour away are not exactly the same thing. One-hour away shouldn't be a problem, especially if he has a car. Two-hours away might be more of a problem in practice. I mean, to sustain long-term. But nothing that can't be overcome. Obviously, it takes two to make it work. Same devotion. Same commitment. Share efforts. Shared goals.
Two hours it is.


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Did you ask that yourself? Would you move for a great love?
I have in the past, for stupid reasons. Now I would only do it if other benefits came with it, and if I would not eff up other things in my life for it.


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Many people like trying new things, explore... how do you know what it feels like being with this type or the other if you haven't tried? It might be the same for him. You thought you didn't like pistachio ice cream, then you try it and it's the only flavor you want. Also, there comes a time when stereotypes don't do it for you anymore, and you're gladly in for some kink. And by that I don't mean that being with you means he's being kinky. Just not the ordinary, predictable guy anymore.
I love pistachio ice cream, always have. Lol. But joke aside, I see what you are saying.


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How did you come to that conclusion? I think it'd be better for you not to assume so much, it usually affects a relationship in a very bad way.
His last GF was very skinny, he generally likes actresses that are blonde, skinny, small boobs... So I thought he had a 'type'.


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So what is it? Are you seeing each other for casual encounters? I think you should clear this up right away, to avoid any (further) disappointment.
I don't think it's only casual encounters (if that means only for 'sex'). He could get sex in the city he lives, he does not need to drive 5 hours for it.

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Like you for what? For casual encounters, I guess looks are not so important, provided he's not grossed out. He didn't commit to you and you're having sex. He's content with that. You need to assess what way he likes you and what he hopes for... for you two (separately or together).
I don't think I am gross Actually, a lot of guys want to date me. I just am very selective. He has not committed to me in the sense of being my boyfriend, being in a relationship. But he has said that he is not dating anyone else, just me.


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Talking about too much information... Did you say that to give us a general picture of your state of mind? Or of your physical condition? Or to warn us not to mess up with you online? I'll give you something uncalled for too just out of courtesy: try to discern what information is necessary and what is not, and always remember that class is a plus for most women who have it.
I don't think it is too much information to mention menstruation or PMS. It's a very natural thing every woman has every month. I mentioned it because I have endometriosis (as mentioned in another thread), and during that time of the month I experience a lot of pain, physical and mental. There is enough stigma about invisible illness as well as around women's issues. If someone is weirded out by it, that's on them, ignore it and read on. I won't filter myself because someone finds something completely natural and normal offensive. It took me 7 years to openly talk about my endometriosis because of the stigma surrounding women's health and reproductive issues, so I won't let anyone tell me it's 'too much information'. If someone can't take talking about women's periods, than it's that person's issue, not the women's who is talking about the period. Period.


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How come?
Because I was about to get my menstruation (see other thread).


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Why don't you ask him things to get to know him?
I do, but often he says stuff like "I am not ready to share that".


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I guess that's not good. And you both have steady jobs? Can you keep jobs? Are the jobs well paid?
He makes very good money with his job, he kept it for 6 years, but he wants to change careers soon.
I am still a student. I work on the side, but don't make much money.


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Did you meet any of his friends? Does he have any friends? Have you talked about meeting your respective families? I know now it's a bit early, but you're adults. He's 33 and such a talk should be on the table, even if you decide to meet them after 1 year of dating.
I have never visited him so I don't know his friends or family.
He has told his parents about me and has shown them photos of me.
We have not talked about visiting families, no. When he was here, I suggested we go out one night with my friends, but he said "I want to get to know you before I get to know your friends". Oh well.




All that being said, you may wonder why I like him.
Well, we have a lot in common and there is a special connection.
WE both were born and raised in the same area, we have same mentality, values, aspirations. Similar childhoods, both only children, both loners and quiet/introvert people, we both love animals (cats), we both like the same music, movies, artists, we both love the same books, we both love politics and both studied political science, we both have the same career aspirations, we both want to find out soulmates (both wondering if we have finally found each other now), we both have the same humor and laugh about the same things.
I seldom had this much in common with another person. I value this and want to see where this takes me/us.
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Old 8th January 2017, 3:37 PM   #60
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Today was another day where he barely texted. He actually asked if I wanted to skype but I couldn't because I was busy with a deadline. Now he is already asleep. He barely reacted to anything I wrote.
He also wrote he had a 'bad' day, some sort of 'melancholic paralysis'.
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