LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Long-Distance Relationships

Sometimes he just ignores my texts [UPDATE I went to see him this weekend]


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

Like Tree63Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 1st January 2017, 6:13 PM   #16
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 139
Quote:
Originally Posted by preraph View Post
He may not like texting all the time. A lot of people don't want to or can't spend their time that way. But if he is ignoring what you say and changing the subject, there is a chance he isn't really all that invested in you.
Well, I was worried about that but he just got me a voucher for christmas for 80 Euros so I can visit him (so I don't have to pay for the train fare myself). I thought that seemed 'invested'.
heavenonearth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2017, 6:18 PM   #17
Established Member
 
joseb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 2,801
OK, given that you are moving closer to him soon, it makes some sense to see if it will work.

When he changes the subject, what were you talking about before?

I can think of a couple of reasons - it was boring, or it was about something he didn't want to get into. Maybe some examples would help...
joseb is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2017, 6:22 PM   #18
Established Member
 
Scarlett.O'hara's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 639
In my experience, communication styles don't tend to change very much, especially if someone doesn't like to text often.

For that reason I think it is unlikely that this guy is going to warm up to it if he becomes more invested.

You either neither to accept him as he is, which may leave you feeling unsatisfied and hurt at times, or you need to move on and find someone who enjoys communicating the same way you do.

Personally, I would try and figure out if that is a deal breaker for you, before you become more emotionally invested.
kendahke likes this.
Scarlett.O'hara is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd January 2017, 5:27 PM   #19
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 139
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scarlett.O'hara View Post
In my experience, communication styles don't tend to change very much, especially if someone doesn't like to text often.

For that reason I think it is unlikely that this guy is going to warm up to it if he becomes more invested.

You either neither to accept him as he is, which may leave you feeling unsatisfied and hurt at times, or you need to move on and find someone who enjoys communicating the same way you do.

Personally, I would try and figure out if that is a deal breaker for you, before you become more emotionally invested.
Ok so the last two days he has been texting me in the morning, about 3 times during the day and when he went to bed. I guess that is a good sign?
heavenonearth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd January 2017, 6:42 PM   #20
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 139
When you meet someone who ALREADY lives far away

Do you think it is generally worth it to enter a relationship with someone who already lives far away?

My guy lives in a city 5 hours away.
In half a year I will be moving to a city 2 hours away from him.
I will definitely live in this new city for a few years to come, for work.

So I am entering a possible relationship with someone who I will now be in a far-distance relationship for 6 months with, only to shorten the distance by 3 hours for the long-term future.

I really like him and feel this could be something worthwhile. I just wonder how it will be for the psyche of the possible relationship. I have never done this before.

Thoughts?
heavenonearth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd January 2017, 7:16 PM   #21
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: 8,885 feet above sea level
Posts: 2,213
Disclaimer: I live 4 hours away from my soulmate. We've been dating for 2.5 years. I see her every other week (week on/week off). Unless a miracle occurs (our ex's decide to move - we both share custody of our kids) then this is how it is going to be for the next 7 years. Then we'll live together.

Advice: It works for us because we make it work. Honestly, the week on/week off is a good thing for us though I do think we both wish it could be more. It all comes down to expectations and where you are in your life. If you are wanting to do the marriage and family thing then no, it isn't worth it unless you have a concrete path on how you can make the LDR temporary. If you're past that stage or never wanted it in the first place, then it can totally work if each of you are special enough to each other.

One piece of LDR advice: always always always have a "next time" scheduled. It is critical to the health of the LDR to know - for sure - when you guys are going to be together again.
__________________
2014 No Contact Guide
Mrin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd January 2017, 7:19 PM   #22
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 139
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrin View Post
Disclaimer: I live 4 hours away from my soulmate. We've been dating for 2.5 years. I see her every other week (week on/week off). Unless a miracle occurs (our ex's decide to move - we both share custody of our kids) then this is how it is going to be for the next 7 years. Then we'll live together.

Advice: It works for us because we make it work. Honestly, the week on/week off is a good thing for us though I do think we both wish it could be more. It all comes down to expectations and where you are in your life. If you are wanting to do the marriage and family thing then no, it isn't worth it unless you have a concrete path on how you can make the LDR temporary. If you're past that stage or never wanted it in the first place, then it can totally work if each of you are special enough to each other.

One piece of LDR advice: always always always have a "next time" scheduled. It is critical to the health of the LDR to know - for sure - when you guys are going to be together again.
Well, this year I will be 30, he will be 34. If marriage and kids are going to be a topic, it won't be for another 3-5 years in our relationship, I think, since we just started dating a few months ago.

But I definitely think that within the next 3-5 years we'd be talking about a way of living closer together, if things work out. He *seems* to be that kind of person, who'd think about that when the time comes. Of course, this is not an issue as of right now, because neither of us is thinking about kids (or marriage, I am not even sure I want that).
heavenonearth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd January 2017, 7:26 PM   #23
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 241
You live 300m apart... and he doesn't communicate with you much by text, phone, skype, or person. How is this working? You need to talk to him about stepping up the communication if it's not adequate for you. The way it is now, I don't see how this can be a real relationship at all. One of the guys I dated lived 100 mile away. It's something I'd never do again. He was VERY shy, awkward, and introverted but he contacted me often and never ignored my texts. Texting is kind of the best way to communicate for "bad communicators" it's as low effort as it gets.
Cookiesandough is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd January 2017, 7:30 PM   #24
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 139
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
You live 300m apart... and he doesn't communicate with you much by text, phone, skype, or person. How is this working? You need to talk to him about stepping up the communication if it's not adequate for you. The way it is now, I don't see how this can be a real relationship at all. One of the guys I dated lived 100 mile away. It's something I'd never do again. He was VERY shy, awkward, and introverted but he contacted me often and never ignored my texts. Texting is kind of the best way to communicate for "bad communicators" it's as low effort as it gets.
As I wrote, he is initiating a bit more now, the past three days he has been texting me in the morning when he got up, during the day and before bed.
We talk on the phone every second day and skype about twice a week.
heavenonearth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd January 2017, 7:34 PM   #25
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 241
Quote:
Originally Posted by heavenonearth View Post
As I wrote, he is initiating a bit more now, the past three days he has been texting me in the morning when he got up, during the day and before bed.
We talk on the phone every second day and skype about twice a week.
Oh, sorry. I missed that. Glad to hear. Did he explain why he went MIA?
Cookiesandough is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd January 2017, 7:48 PM   #26
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 139
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post


Oh, sorry. I missed that. Glad to hear. Did he explain why he went MIA?
I think in the beginning of us dating he just was a bit closed off, because he's not been interested in someone the way he is interested in me for about 9 years, he said, and he was just single for the past 4 years. So he wasn't sure how to communicate with someone he liked. And he is generally a shy, introverted person.
heavenonearth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd January 2017, 8:11 PM   #27
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,492
~~

In a coldly practical sense, a lot this does depend on how important marriage/children are to your own personal life goals. If they aren't, then just relax and see how this relationship progresses (and ignore the below).

BUT if you know for sure that you want these things, and acknowledge the inevitable limits of the timeline, you should only proceed further if you can at least IMAGINE a future with the two of you living in the same location. However vague and hopeful those imaginings are.

On the other hand, if you've already established for certain that this wouldn't be remotely possible within the next ~four years, this relationship may not be worth investing in.

Of course these are very loaded, not-fun questions to consider at the start of a relationship when you're just getting to know each other. They aren't even appropriate as conversation topics at this point. But unfortunately it's something you've got to have at the back of your mind.
Standard-Fare is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd January 2017, 8:31 PM   #28
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 139
Quote:
Originally Posted by Standard-Fare View Post
In a coldly practical sense, a lot this does depend on how important marriage/children are to your own personal life goals. If they aren't, then just relax and see how this relationship progresses (and ignore the below).

BUT if you know for sure that you want these things, and acknowledge the inevitable limits of the timeline, you should only proceed further if you can at least IMAGINE a future with the two of you living in the same location. However vague and hopeful those imaginings are.

On the other hand, if you've already established for certain that this wouldn't be remotely possible within the next ~four years, this relationship may not be worth investing in.

Of course these are very loaded, not-fun questions to consider at the start of a relationship when you're just getting to know each other. They aren't even appropriate as conversation topics at this point. But unfortunately it's something you've got to have at the back of your mind.

I am confused why these threads were merged, they had different topics all together, and it's confusing to see the posts in one thread now. I doubt I will get the responses I am seeking now. Thanks for that, first off to whomever did that.

Secondly, Well, I should add that my guy just one year ago moved away from the city I will be moving to (which happens to be my home city). So chances that he will move back... I don't know if they are high, because he said he 'never really warmed up to it', and he likes his home city, where he now lives again, much better. He lived in my home city for 4 years.
But I wonder if a great love would persuade him to move back? I don't know.
These are things I do worry about, indeed, but it's hard to make any assumptions this early, for sure.
heavenonearth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th January 2017, 12:42 AM   #29
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: 8,885 feet above sea level
Posts: 2,213
Quote:
Originally Posted by heavenonearth View Post
Well, this year I will be 30, he will be 34. If marriage and kids are going to be a topic, it won't be for another 3-5 years in our relationship, I think, since we just started dating a few months ago.

But I definitely think that within the next 3-5 years we'd be talking about a way of living closer together, if things work out. He *seems* to be that kind of person, who'd think about that when the time comes. Of course, this is not an issue as of right now, because neither of us is thinking about kids (or marriage, I am not even sure I want that).
Ya this is threadmerge gone bad.

But to give you some more advice in light of what you said...

The keys to my LDR are:

1. Communication: It needs to be a priority for both of you. Sometimes it is a pain and you don't want to but you have to do the work. You have to make time for meaningful communication. Whether it is a phone call, a skype date, a constant text message convo... it has to be something. And it has to be meaningful. Not just the stuff-ness of "how was your day?" I've fallen out of the habit of doing this but I used to write letters/poems/stories to my soulmate at night for her to read when she woke up in the morning. I need to restart that.

2. Trust: Trust has to be rock solid. Like granite solid. Unbreakable. Because he will be going out with friends and some of them may be women. And vice versa. So how do you have this type of trust in a new relationship? For us I make a conscious decision that I would trust her implicitly. I just would. And she did the same for me. Another thing we did was very early discuss our level of commitment. It wasn't a "we'll be together forever" type thing. It was way too early for that. What we did was promise that if either of us became interested in someone else we'd let the other know right away. Before anything happened. In this manner, until I get that phone call from her, I have 100% trust. We also maintain a joint calendar for non-work related activities. She can see what i am doing and I can see what she's doing. This avoids the "where the F is she?!?!" because I can see she's having happy hour with two of her girlfriends.

3. Compatible Life Stages:
We've already discussed this.

4. Schedule: We always have "next time" scheduled. We actually have a cadence down so it is really easy to see when our "next time" is.

I'd add a fifth for you - we have a clear path to being together. Sure, it is 7 years from now (when my youngest goes to college) but we have it. And we'll begin working towards it soon by buying property in Costa Rica in the next couple of years. We also see each other 50% of the time and soon to be more so this is a workable situation for us. For you guys, you just need to know that there is a clear path to being together at some point. It may not matter now but a year or two into a LDR you will want to make sure you have that path defined and that you're both on board with it.

I won't lie, LDR's are work. But they can be pretty incredible too.
Mrin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th January 2017, 1:36 AM   #30
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrin View Post
Ya this is threadmerge gone bad.

But to give you some more advice in light of what you said...

The keys to my LDR are:

1. Communication: It needs to be a priority for both of you. Sometimes it is a pain and you don't want to but you have to do the work. You have to make time for meaningful communication. Whether it is a phone call, a skype date, a constant text message convo... it has to be something. And it has to be meaningful. Not just the stuff-ness of "how was your day?" I've fallen out of the habit of doing this but I used to write letters/poems/stories to my soulmate at night for her to read when she woke up in the morning. I need to restart that.

2. Trust: Trust has to be rock solid. Like granite solid. Unbreakable. Because he will be going out with friends and some of them may be women. And vice versa. So how do you have this type of trust in a new relationship? For us I make a conscious decision that I would trust her implicitly. I just would. And she did the same for me. Another thing we did was very early discuss our level of commitment. It wasn't a "we'll be together forever" type thing. It was way too early for that. What we did was promise that if either of us became interested in someone else we'd let the other know right away. Before anything happened. In this manner, until I get that phone call from her, I have 100% trust. We also maintain a joint calendar for non-work related activities. She can see what i am doing and I can see what she's doing. This avoids the "where the F is she?!?!" because I can see she's having happy hour with two of her girlfriends.

3. Compatible Life Stages:
We've already discussed this.

4. Schedule: We always have "next time" scheduled. We actually have a cadence down so it is really easy to see when our "next time" is.

I'd add a fifth for you - we have a clear path to being together. Sure, it is 7 years from now (when my youngest goes to college) but we have it. And we'll begin working towards it soon by buying property in Costa Rica in the next couple of years. We also see each other 50% of the time and soon to be more so this is a workable situation for us. For you guys, you just need to know that there is a clear path to being together at some point. It may not matter now but a year or two into a LDR you will want to make sure you have that path defined and that you're both on board with it.

I won't lie, LDR's are work. But they can be pretty incredible too.
Mrin, I gotta say, your situation really gives me hope for MY situation. I think that you really gave great advice here. I see a lot of people talking about how it just isn't worth it, but sometimes I feel like we're so easy to move on from being hurt that we don't put the effort in. Being close distance to someone in a relationship significantly improves the chances of being more intimate and working out, but we all know that isn't the case for everyone. I wish there were more posts like these on here sometimes. It's such a drastic breath of fresh air. Thank you so much!
Ronnys93 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My boyfriend ignores my texts sometimes.Am I wrong for being mad? Purple456 Dating 2 4th April 2016 12:51 AM
she likes me but ignores my texts zachsack Dating 3 6th April 2015 11:06 PM
Does it annoy you when someone ignores your texts.. Conners Dating 19 27th November 2013 8:02 PM
Boyfriend ignores texts and phonecalls ShayBoo Dating 9 7th November 2009 10:50 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 3:12 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.