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Sometimes he just ignores my texts [UPDATE I went to see him this weekend]


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 31st December 2016, 9:35 PM   #1
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Sometimes he just ignores my texts [UPDATE I went to see him this weekend]

I have been dating a guy for two months now. We met online and live 500km apart so we depend a lot on texting and such. The problem i have is that he is really flimsy with it. Sometimes I write a long text and he reads it but doesn't reply. He then writes something completely non related to what i wrote a few hours later and doesn't even acknowledge my text from a few hours ago. It really bothers me and when I told him that he said he just isn't someone who communicates a lot via text and social media etc.
I had a boyfriend once who was like that and the relationship eventually fell apart because he was a bad communicator in general (not just text). I am afraid I am making the same mistake. However, I have an intuitive feeling that's this guy is much different and I still hope he just needs to warm up to "us"? He hasn't had a girlfriend in 4 years and is kind of a loner. Am I being too cautious or is there something other than waiting and being patient that i could do to encourage him to communicate more?
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Old 31st December 2016, 9:42 PM   #2
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He may not like texting all the time. A lot of people don't want to or can't spend their time that way. But if he is ignoring what you say and changing the subject, there is a chance he isn't really all that invested in you.
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Old 31st December 2016, 9:44 PM   #3
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He may be the type who prefers face to face communication. Mthis would make him a very poor candidate for a long distance relationship.

Have you ever met him? Is he a good conversationalist in person?
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Old 31st December 2016, 9:47 PM   #4
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We only met once, 5 weeks after we started dating. We spend a few days together. And yes, at first he was shy but then he warmed up a bit and we were talking a lot about everything and the world until the moment we had to part.
Hence why I give him the benefit of the doubt.
But it still bothers me a lot. I just have a completely different pace at communicating online and via phone, it seems.
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Old 31st December 2016, 9:49 PM   #5
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For a lot of people, texting and the like is a poor substitute for real (in person) contact.

Is there a reason you want to date somebody you will rarely see?
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Old 31st December 2016, 11:21 PM   #6
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His interest level is low. Very low.
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Old 31st December 2016, 11:27 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by heavenonearth View Post
I have been dating a guy for two months now. We met online and live 500km apart so we depend a lot on texting and such. The problem i have is that he is really flimsy with it. Sometimes I write a long text and he reads it but doesn't reply. He then writes something completely non related to what i wrote a few hours later and doesn't even acknowledge my text from a few hours ago. It really bothers me and when I told him that he said he just isn't someone who communicates a lot via text and social media etc. is there something other than waiting and being patient that i could do to encourage him to communicate more?
Is there a reason why you can't you accept him for who he is?

A lot of people can't stand texting--I'm one of them. For us, texting is a tool to convey information quickly and not get bogged down in a protracted conversation. A long message can be conveyed quickly by talking and you get a better read on the tone of the reply.

Let's turn this around: If he wanted you in 5 in heels, short skirts, cleavage out, full on contour/highlight make up and hair every day and you aren't comfortable with that, would you appreciate him trying to find a way to manipulate you into being who you aren't?

It may just boil down to the fact that now you're at the point in this involvement where relationships either fail or take off--and most fail at this point because your representatives have been sent home and the real "you" comes to the fore. You've expressed what you needed and he's told you he can't accommodate you on that front.

This is where you start.

You have a guy who isn't into texting and his response sounds as if he's not going to flip into someone he has no interest in being in order to appease you. No advice is going to matter because this has to come from him of his own volition... and right now, he's not about texting.

Is this relationship worth you going without texts? If it is, then enjoy what you have and accept him for who he is. If it isn't, then reject him and find a guy who wants to text all day long.
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Old 31st December 2016, 11:55 PM   #8
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Some socially awkward people enjoy texting and/or emailing because it masks their social awkwardness. He is probably socially awkward and you would find this out sooner if you spoke with him more on the phone (read: a voice call) and spent more time with him in person.

Alternatively, he just may not be into long distances.

Last edited by Popsicle; 1st January 2017 at 12:00 AM..
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Old 1st January 2017, 1:08 AM   #9
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As a woman, I'd let the guy take the initiative about texting and all else. This has worked well for me in relationships.

If texting is important to you in a relationship this man's not your guy.
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Old 1st January 2017, 4:06 AM   #10
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Ask him if he is busy or don't bother guys too much, they really nid their own space and time in the mean time get something for urself to do and keep urself busy
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Old 1st January 2017, 9:25 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by heavenonearth View Post
We only met once, 5 weeks after we started dating. We spend a few days together. And yes, at first he was shy but then he warmed up a bit and we were talking a lot about everything and the world until the moment we had to part.
Hence why I give him the benefit of the doubt.
But it still bothers me a lot. I just have a completely different pace at communicating online and via phone, it seems.
Do you have plans to actually date each other? One meeting in 2 months does not a relationship make. You can't build a relationship through text - text is for maintaining contact once a relationship already exists.
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Old 1st January 2017, 9:35 AM   #12
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So you want a boyfriend and your plan is to date a shy, loner guy that doesn't like to text and that lives 500km away. How long do you think that will survive?

When you're in a long distance relationship the only thing you have to make it work is good communication and a desire to remain connected to compensate for the missing time together. If you don't have that, you have no relationship.

Do yourself a favor and find someone local.
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Old 1st January 2017, 11:02 AM   #13
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My ex was like that, he likes watching movies, sports, and often just forgets to even reply. He has admitted that before. Maybe he just isnt big on texting? Maybe you text too often and it's overwhelming. Its hard to say.

Have you ever brought it to his attention? My ex sometimes wouldnt respond for DAYS and then when I said hey did you not get my message or my pictures/videos etc. He would say he was busy or at work or blahblah. Personally I think when you HAVE free time reply,

sadly its simple everyone is attached to their phone now a days and if boils down to if he wanted to reply he would. sorry to put it like that but i had to start saying it to myself often until i was able to build my own confidence and finally say I DESERVE BETTER, AS DO YOU
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Old 1st January 2017, 5:11 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by Gaeta View Post
So you want a boyfriend and your plan is to date a shy, loner guy that doesn't like to text and that lives 500km away. How long do you think that will survive?

When you're in a long distance relationship the only thing you have to make it work is good communication and a desire to remain connected to compensate for the missing time together. If you don't have that, you have no relationship.

Do yourself a favor and find someone local.
Well, I am moving away from my city in 6 months time, and by then I will live 1 car driving hour away from where he lives now. I tried dating local guys but I haven't found anyone I like, and I don't see the point in meeting someone now for a long term thing when I am moving away anyway.
Besides, I didn't think I would fall for him, I wasn't looking for something serious at all. It's not like you wrote, that I "want a boyfriend", I also didn't "plan" for him to be a "shy, loner guy" or that he would live that far away. These are things that just happen.
I don't know how long it will survive, it hasn't even really started yet.
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Old 1st January 2017, 5:12 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by introverted1 View Post
Do you have plans to actually date each other? One meeting in 2 months does not a relationship make. You can't build a relationship through text - text is for maintaining contact once a relationship already exists.
I am visiting him on Thursday and I will stay for four days. He will probably visit me again later this month and we will alternate, until I move closer to where he lives.
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