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Possible long distance relationship?


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 26th December 2016, 10:23 AM   #1
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Possible long distance relationship?

Hi everyone! I'm new here! I just needed some advice from a 3rd party looking in. I've been talking to a guy I've met on a dating website since the end of September of this year. We've seemed to have really hit it off, had a Skype conversation/are in constant communication. Everything seems to be going smoothly! I however know that online chemistry is NOT a substitute for real chemistry so I decided to ask if he would like to meet up in person, he said yes. We're going to plan for sometime early next year. Thing that worries me is that I've asked him how he feels about long distance relationships. We live 10 hours away from each other in the same country. (so he's only one state away from me). He says that he's never been in one and isn't really sure how he feels about being in one, but he'd like to still meet up anyway. After I mentioned how far away we were from each other he did mention that the distance wasn't that bad and that we could even meet up halfway.

I guess my question is, is there any way to reassure him that I'm actually serious in pursuing this with him if it works out? I've got a new job that will allow me to freely travel and even work from hotels so I am able to make the trip out there and stay for longer than just 2 days at a time. I'm taking it as slow as I can honestly, I don't want to fizzle out before a meet up or even scare him away by putting out ALL of my intentions too soon. I already know that I personally am willing to move closer to him if it came down it actually happening. Any advice or tips you guys can give me?
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Old 26th December 2016, 12:51 PM   #2
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Hi everyone! I'm new here! I just needed some advice from a 3rd party looking in. I've been talking to a guy I've met on a dating website since the end of September of this year. We've seemed to have really hit it off, had a Skype conversation/are in constant communication. Everything seems to be going smoothly! I however know that online chemistry is NOT a substitute for real chemistry so I decided to ask if he would like to meet up in person, he said yes. We're going to plan for sometime early next year. Thing that worries me is that I've asked him how he feels about long distance relationships. We live 10 hours away from each other in the same country. (so he's only one state away from me). He says that he's never been in one and isn't really sure how he feels about being in one, but he'd like to still meet up anyway. After I mentioned how far away we were from each other he did mention that the distance wasn't that bad and that we could even meet up halfway.

I guess my question is, is there any way to reassure him that I'm actually serious in pursuing this with him if it works out? I've got a new job that will allow me to freely travel and even work from hotels so I am able to make the trip out there and stay for longer than just 2 days at a time. I'm taking it as slow as I can honestly, I don't want to fizzle out before a meet up or even scare him away by putting out ALL of my intentions too soon. I already know that I personally am willing to move closer to him if it came down it actually happening. Any advice or tips you guys can give me?
I wouldn't even worry about this part yet, until you meet in person and see how it goes. See what happens after that meeting too, if you two continue to communicate the way you have been so far. You can let him know that your new job grants you a lot of flexibility in terms of travel and job mobility, which is conducive to a long-distance relationship, but that's all I would say for now.

Don't stress too much about the logistics. See how you gel in person and if he still makes an effort to get to know you afterwards. If he likes you and sees potential despite the distance, he won't let you slip away too easily. If, on the other hand, he doesn't want to take things long-distance, I would heed that and let it go. You might be willing and happy to travel, but you also don't want to wind up being the only one doing so. He would need to be on board with doing some of the traveling too.
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Old 26th December 2016, 6:05 PM   #3
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I wouldn't even worry about this part yet, until you meet in person and see how it goes. See what happens after that meeting too, if you two continue to communicate the way you have been so far. You can let him know that your new job grants you a lot of flexibility in terms of travel and job mobility, which is conducive to a long-distance relationship, but that's all I would say for now.

Don't stress too much about the logistics. See how you gel in person and if he still makes an effort to get to know you afterwards. If he likes you and sees potential despite the distance, he won't let you slip away too easily. If, on the other hand, he doesn't want to take things long-distance, I would heed that and let it go. You might be willing and happy to travel, but you also don't want to wind up being the only one doing so. He would need to be on board with doing some of the traveling too.
Thank you for that. I did have a sense that I was thinking a little too far ahead of myself. (I tend to like to plan things out to make sure that I'm where I need to be). So I'll definitely try to make sure to see how things go after we meet in person.
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Old 27th December 2016, 12:59 AM   #4
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sooooo if he hasn't been in an LDR and isn't sure how he feels about them, why is he agreeing to dates with people 10 hours away?? hmmm...hook up?
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Old 27th December 2016, 3:26 AM   #5
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Don't fall into TMI when you meet him in person. THAT might scare a man away. Enjoy the moment, but treat it as a normal date. Don't let it turn into a sex encounter, so you get the hook-up risk out of the way.

I'm not sure if you should give in to meeting him half-way. The best would be to arrange a date in a public place, a 10/15-minute drive away from your place. Don't bring him home. Don't spend the night in his hotel room, in case he gets one for the date.
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Old 27th December 2016, 3:57 AM   #6
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sooooo if he hasn't been in an LDR and isn't sure how he feels about them, why is he agreeing to dates with people 10 hours away?? hmmm...hook up?
Well we did hit it off as friends first. I have a feeling it'll end up with us as just being friends in the end, which is okay to me honestly. I would absolutely leave if he tried to ask for sex. Just something that I have set my limits on for this meetup. (I never called it a date) Especially, with all of the circumstances. I think it's safe to say that I think he's interested in meeting me because we've been going back and forth for a good while now.

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Don't fall into TMI when you meet him in person. THAT might scare a man away. Enjoy the moment, but treat it as a normal date. Don't let it turn into a sex encounter, so you get the hook-up risk out of the way.

I'm not sure if you should give in to meeting him half-way. The best would be to arrange a date in a public place, a 10/15-minute drive away from your place. Don't bring him home. Don't spend the night in his hotel room, in case he gets one for the date.
Thank you for the advice! I definitely was thinking of just going all the way down there anyway, and staying in my own hotel. Definitely meeting up in public space and treating it as more of a "meeting" than a date. I definitely don't want to have sex with him on this meet up at all. I definitely want to know where I stand and where he stands before even going that route. So you've absolutely helped clear my head of some thoughts here and I grandly appreciate that.

Edit: Although I didn't say it was a date, he does know that I DO like him. I expressed that to him because of the long distance matter. So I took that as an "I would like to see where this goes" kind of thing. So some of my cards are already laid out on the table, I'm just seeing how we mesh/gel in person.

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Old 27th December 2016, 4:13 AM   #7
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Just be prepared to be confounded in your expectations. My first meetup was as friends too. He was very romantic though. I didn't think he was serious until he proved to be.
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Old 27th December 2016, 4:39 AM   #8
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Just be prepared to be confounded in your expectations. My first meetup was as friends too. He was very romantic though. I didn't think he was serious until he proved to be.
I think I'll definitely be tested/tempted! But mama didn't raise a fool I'm usually the flirtatious one, but I do hope that he actually considers the LDR aspect of our relationship. I can definitely respect him if he doesn't though.
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Old 31st December 2016, 9:59 PM   #9
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I guess my question is, is there any way to reassure him that I'm actually serious in pursuing this with him if it works out? I've got a new job that will allow me to freely travel and even work from hotels so I am able to make the trip out there and stay for longer than just 2 days at a time. I'm taking it as slow as I can honestly, I don't want to fizzle out before a meet up or even scare him away by putting out ALL of my intentions too soon. I already know that I personally am willing to move closer to him if it came down it actually happening. Any advice or tips you guys can give me?
Definitely getting ahead of yourself there. Don't say all that and don't worry about what he will think - if he preemptively calls things off due to the distance, the two of you weren't meant to be. Focus on having the first meeting ASAP and determining for yourself whether or not you want to invest in a LDR with him. After that, if both of you have decided you want to pursue a relationship together, you can tell him about your plans for closing the distance in the future.

BTW, if you are 10 hours' drive apart, why not just fly? Domestic flights within the US are relatively cheap. Or do neither of you live near an airport?
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Old 31st December 2016, 11:28 PM   #10
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Definitely getting ahead of yourself there. Don't say all that and don't worry about what he will think - if he preemptively calls things off due to the distance, the two of you weren't meant to be. Focus on having the first meeting ASAP and determining for yourself whether or not you want to invest in a LDR with him. After that, if both of you have decided you want to pursue a relationship together, you can tell him about your plans for closing the distance in the future.

BTW, if you are 10 hours' drive apart, why not just fly? Domestic flights within the US are relatively cheap. Or do neither of you live near an airport?
Thank you for your response! Yeah, I've definitely slowed down and am focusing on getting everything ready to meet him in person. No talks about the future, just seeing how things are in person. We actually both do have airports in our respective towns, which is a 3 hour flight. Not very expensive for a round trip flight. I do think that it will become an option later on if we do consider dating. I just don't really want to rely on taxis or cabs my first visit.
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Old 31st December 2016, 11:40 PM   #11
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Thank you for your response! Yeah, I've definitely slowed down and am focusing on getting everything ready to meet him in person. No talks about the future, just seeing how things are in person. We actually both do have airports in our respective towns, which is a 3 hour flight. Not very expensive for a round trip flight. I do think that it will become an option later on if we do consider dating. I just don't really want to rely on taxis or cabs my first visit.
Sounds good to me.

I do have to mention that since you appear to be making all the first moves (bringing up a relationship, asking to meet in person, making the actual trip out)... you need to have a very keen eye for whether or not he is interested in you. I understand that your job makes it easier for you to travel, so it makes sense for you to make the first trip, but he should be also reciprocate by clearly making an effort on his own part, as much as possible.

If you detect any wishy-washiness, don't hesitate to move on.

All the best!
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Old 9th January 2017, 11:42 AM   #12
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Just a quick little update, we Skyped the other day and watched a movie. Was a blast and we really enjoyed the night. We are planning on seeing each other next month. I'll keep an update as to how things go from the first meeting and such.
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