LDR breakup and mistakes [UPDATE Im still struggling]

[air2]

Ive had the HARDEST time moving on. Used to think of my ex basically every hour of the day. My ex and I broke up due to distance (it was mutual but he sees me as the dumper bc the reason we broke up is no longer an issue-we were always LD and I was to take a job for 3 years 3000 miles away but after we broke up that job fell through). We ended up in the same place. I knew he knew when I moved here bc of social media.

 

I said I would tell him but it was too hard to talk to him bc he said he hurt too much to reconcile. I recently made a foolish mistake: I kissed my ex's best friend's roommate. The best friend made a big deal about it and told me not to get involved with the roommate. I def know i made a mistake. I had spent the last 4 months working up the courage to reach out to my ex like I said I would but now I can't. A foolish mistake when I was living in the moment

 

It's the worst feeling. I want a time machine so badly. All my ex and I ever wanted was to be in the same place. We are now and i told him I would reach out but his indifference made it hard to tell him and now I never can. My heart hurts so bad knowing I messed up and chance of reconciliation.

 

tldr: LDR Breakup; now in the same place; ex and I havent spoken bc he said he hurt too much to reconcile; was going to reach out but foolishly kissed my ex's best friend roomate and now I can't

I guess everything happens for a reason (I hope)

Edited December 4, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Spacing ~6

[Miss Clavel]

you are in limbo. which might not be as hot as hell this time of year, but it is a sort of minor hell.

 

speak to him. say anything and everything you want to say. what have you got to lose besides a little dignity?

 

so you kissed the roommate, big woop. not like you gave him a bj on the E train, is it?

 

in this world, you gotta ask for what you want and not be afraid of the answer. you can take it, and it's the only way out of limbo.

 

i usually do these kind of convos around xmas. i start off by saying, "in the spirit of christmas, i would just like to say"...then i insert my thanks, my apologies, my wishes... whatever it is that i want to have said before the new year begins.

 

if he says, it's still over. fine. if he says you kissed the roommate and he can't get past it, fine. if he says anything else..well, happy new year i guess.

 

 

however. since you haven't heard from him. be prepared. getting a dent in your dignity smarts. but at least you can start to move on. new year, new romances.

 

good luck

[air2]

Hi thanks so much for reading and responding.

 

Limbo is a great way to put it; I def feel like I have 0 to lose so I agree. I am going to reach out and see where it goes from there

 

Its not like I kissed his roomate (I kissed his friends roomate) so I'm hoping its not a huge deal breaker but we'll see-couldve been a lot worse like you said.

 

thank you again; happy holidays

[air2]

update I called him today and he texted me back. he said he wasnt ready to see me but was genuinely happy for me

 

i guess i can finally move on; extremely hard bc we had a LDR breakup 9 months ago and he still doesnt want to see me; I want to ask why but i can't I just can let him go

[kidm]

Do not push for answers if he's not ready. Also, more often than not, the answers given bring up more questions. You have made your attempt- he knows you want to talk. Now you have to move on and live your life. Easier said than done but you have to make the effort. If you two are meant to be together, it will happen but you cannot put your life on hold waiting for him. He may never come back or he may come back when you have already moved on and met someone else.

[air2]

couldn't have said it any better! i agree-I basically said goodbye after wishing him well

 

I know I can't wait any longer for him to want to be together; and totally on point about the answers-I know I dont need them for closure-they could only hurt me more. thanks for reading/responding

Edited December 11, 2016 by air2

[air2]

Im still moving on and squashing hope. Ive just had a hard time lately but I'm really trying and trying to put more effort into moving in as well. I know I haven't been trying hard enough

 

My ex and I had a long distance breakup last spring. All we wanted was to be in the same place. We were very similar and were best friends. That's why when we ended up in the same place a couple months later due to thing changing after the breakup it was hard to hear he was too hurt to talk. We agreed to never lose contact because we were best friends. We also talked about second chances if the world ever aligned us. I know promises mean nothing after a breakup. I just feel like theres a missing piece I don't know of.

 

Months of no contact later I asked if he wanted to meet and he said he wasn't ready but did want to at one point. I respect that. Still I am pretty upset. It's hard. Although I am happy I broke months of no contact to ask to meet I am also upset about it bc I wish I wasn't subconsciously waiting for him to be ready. I also kind of don't want him to reach out to me in the future as I am trying to heal and move on from any thought of him. I know this has set me back and know that it could in the future too if I heard from him. I'm actually scared for him to reach out on a friend level in the future. I wish I had ended our last conversation asking him to not reach out unless he was interested in reconciliation

 

Breakups are so hard. Good luck to everyone and stay strong.

[air2]

Its been 8 months since my LDR breakup. My ex and I are now in the same place due to changes after the breakup. Before, we were to be apart for 3 years 3000 miles away and thought it would be too hurtful. LDR was hard and we both missed each other a lot. We tried to make it work but with school and work and limited visits it was too hard. However, Ive regretted the decision We talked about cliche second chances. My ex doesnt even want to see me. They said they weren't ready but were happy for me and did want to talk one day. Im devastated and confused. How can you love someone one month and just want to be near them and then two months later be in the same place and not even want to see them. For all I know my ex is single because we share the same circle of friends. Im so tired of being sad. My ex was my best friend. i know they aren't interested in me anymore. thats ok. I never got closure. Thats ok too. But nevertheless I wish I did because its so so hard. I Want time to speed up. Ive gone 5 months no contact before I reached out to my ex and asked them to meet up. Ive resumed no contact and saw improvement but am still struggling. If you've ever been in my position please tell me it gets easier and that eventually i'll feel ok. Thank you.

Edited January 26, 2017 by air2