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Year and a half and starting to have issues


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To start off, I'm sorry for length... I tried to not make a novel, but turned out to be one.

 

So I'm 19 living in Dallas, she lives in Florida, we've never met in person.

 

So basically we met over a game, we were in the same community... Over 2,000 members, maybe only 5 girls. It started with me and her just being friends, I never thought or even tried to push anything else... After all, I was one in 2,000 guys. Well eventually we started to play other games together, and started to talk more... Don't even remember how it all came together tbh, but eventually we said we were together.

 

So now fast forward a year and a half, about 3 months ago we left the community where we met due to the drama there... It wasn't hurting our relationship at all, but more of just annoying us. This was different for us, as we used that game to pass our free time for the most part, so leaving it and then having no where was confusing. We have always talked through Skype, phone, snapchat, whatever... Eventually we figured it out, we just started playing random things... Scary games and trying new things, yeah we got bored some nights, but always found something. Eventually I made plans to go see her in Florida in December, about 3 weeks away. The plans are still on, but I'm worried...

 

Now fast forward to now, about a week ago I left with little notice to help a family member move... I had about a week in advance notice and she knew and was okay with it. This wasn't our first time being like away from each other on the computer, but it was our first since we left that community. Even though we talked over the phone daily, I think she got really lonely... Not having her old friends, and also not having me, she went and joined another community. This community is new and I told her months ago that I didn't want to join another, as I was ready to move on.

 

So I came back home about 4 days ago, the entire time I was gone, she was saying how much she missed me... The day I came home, she started a new job and didn't feel like talking... Okay, I understand. Two days pass and she's barely talking to me... I'll message her, and the answers just aren't the same. I look and see what she's playing and it's that same game... I tried to ask her if we can do something, and her answer was "I'm playing this.". A few hours later I said F it, and decided to download it hoping it would make her happy... But still things aren't the same a day later. Last night I asked her what was wrong, and basically she said something she said a few months back... "I get really into someone, then the next day I want nothing to do with them, and then I want them so badly again"... This is something I've been trying to work with for months, and it's been okay... She has bad days, but they are just that, a single day... This one is lasting now 5 days.

 

She said she was trying, I responded I know and I'm trying to help... Her response was, I don't want your help... This hurt me more than ever, because now I'm just very confused as to what to do... She has told me so many times how much I mean to her, and how she doesn't want me to leave... Yet she gets into these moods.

 

I don't know what to do, it sounds stupid, and to an outsider looking at the whole thing, it probably is stupid but it's just how we work...

Just to also say (if it has anything to do with it), she started her new job at retail on Thanksgiving/Black Friday, hates it and wants to quit. On the same day, her period started... I'm not a girl, so I don't know if things like that combined could strain the relationship, but yeah.

 

To also say, in December when I'm with her, I've been planning on bringing up the idea of me moving to her city... Not necessarily asking her to move in, but simply to be with closer with her. As for me, I have nothing to loose besides my job. I'm going into the Air Force, so either way moving doesn't matter to me... I just would like to move with her before I get shipped that way I have someone to come home to...

 

Once again, sorry for long novel, just looking for advice and never asked someone for help like this before...

Thanks.

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Welcome to LS, Zeus.

 

This is not a girl to come home to. She must be really young. She's not in for commitment. She gets bored after a week of low communication. Guess when you're in the army... it's just pain and drama.

 

You need to find someone more caring, who will send you packages and who will love you no matter what. Someone so in love with you that when you do something wrong will forgive you. You're only 19, so that's in the cards for you, because you learn along the way.

 

To top it all, she's a gamer. Work is hard. And please don't commit to a girl before even meeting her! She might be a hoarder, and you don't even know!

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Why haven't you guys met in person after 1.5 years????? I looked up tickets from Dallas to Florida and came up with a range from $80 - $300 depending on which part of Florida. I know you guys are young but $300 is not impossible to save up even for young people. Frankly I don't think this 'relationship' means too much to either of you, if you've gone 1.5 years without even meeting when you only live a few states apart.

 

Anyway, since the first meeting is only 3 weeks from now, don't stress it and just go and see for yourself. Things might not even work out in person, no point stressing over all the details now when you don't even have the big picture yet.

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Why haven't you guys met in person after 1.5 years????? I looked up tickets from Dallas to Florida and came up with a range from $80 - $300 depending on which part of Florida. I know you guys are young but $300 is not impossible to save up even for young people. Frankly I don't think this 'relationship' means too much to either of you, if you've gone 1.5 years without even meeting when you only live a few states apart.

 

Anyway, since the first meeting is only 3 weeks from now, don't stress it and just go and see for yourself. Things might not even work out in person, no point stressing over all the details now when you don't even have the big picture yet.

 

Well tbh at first, I wasn't calling it a relationship... Just a very close friendship, we didn't know what it was. I just said, whatever happens happens and if we get closer than it does. It was only recently that we started actually calling it that. I'm not going to say or push anything, because I think we need to meet up before anything major is made... I don't want to hurt us, and right now we are 'okay' you could say. I think with me being gone and her starting/hating a new job, it may have been too much... I'll see in a week if she's over it. If not I may talk to her more in depth about it, but I would like to hold off until we meet up. I actually just spent the past 2 hours playing the game with her, but there was another person with us so I didn't say anything, but she was normal for the most part. Overall, I doubt the plans to meetup will be canceled, as we still talk... Now whether it's friends meeting or a relationship meeting, I don't know and at this point I just wanna talk in person.

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Quick little update,

 

So last night I messaged her, basically asking her about it. It took her a few hours to read the message and respond, but she said she doesn't like it when guys get too attached to her...

 

I know where this is coming from, every guy she has been with hurt her in some way... The last one left her for her sister who is 4 years older. They said some very mean things to her including calling her a hoe and other things... Not to mention the past two only used her for sex.

 

I don't know how to approach it anymore... I thought we got through this, but apparently not. I hate to see her blame her self for things other guys have said. I just don't know how to make her believe me that I'm not here to use or abuse her... I'm going to message her again tonight, basically saying I'm done unless she wants to continue for the better. As for the trip to Florida, I already got the hotel so I'm going to go either way... I could use the vacation away from family tbh. I'm going to tell her I'm going and when I'm there, but will leave it to her if she wants to meet... If all else fails, I have friends in Miami which is only about an hour drive from my hotel so I won't be completely alone there.

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Quick little update,

 

So last night I messaged her, basically asking her about it. It took her a few hours to read the message and respond, but she said she doesn't like it when guys get too attached to her...

 

I know where this is coming from, every guy she has been with hurt her in some way... The last one left her for her sister who is 4 years older. They said some very mean things to her including calling her a hoe and other things... Not to mention the past two only used her for sex.

 

I don't know how to approach it anymore... I thought we got through this, but apparently not. I hate to see her blame her self for things other guys have said. I just don't know how to make her believe me that I'm not here to use or abuse her... I'm going to message her again tonight, basically saying I'm done unless she wants to continue for the better. As for the trip to Florida, I already got the hotel so I'm going to go either way... I could use the vacation away from family tbh. I'm going to tell her I'm going and when I'm there, but will leave it to her if she wants to meet... If all else fails, I have friends in Miami which is only about an hour drive from my hotel so I won't be completely alone there.

 

Yeah, it sounds like she isn't all that interested. That's a bummer, but at least you'll know for sure in 3 weeks' time and can move on!

 

Have a great holiday. :)

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Done some thinking the past two days by myself... We kind of talked and kind of agreed to end it... She kinda of left it at that she wants space, which I understand. We've still been able to play with each other, which is weird imo, but yeah... We talk normal I guess, there's a couple times where I almost say something, but then don't because I don't want to make her feel awkward... I don't know how going back to a 'friendship' will go, but I guess we'll try? It's not the same friendship as before since we used terms like 'ily' ingame and I always protected her against dick heads, as well as we don't really talk besides when we are about to play a game, or playing one... Which is different considering we've talked on Snapchat nearly everyday for over a year... I for sure see a difference in the 'friendship' but maybe it will work, maybe it won't.

 

I know some will advise against being friends, but that's how we started and I think it just worked itself into something something more important that she may have thought she was ready for, but found out she wasn't. If I'm wrong and when it ends and hurts me worse, I'll learn from it I guess. I've gone through a lot worse in life, won't let her have that big of a impact on me. Main issue is when I'm at work, I have about 3 hours of alone/down time that she use to fill talking to me, so during those few hours it gets tough for me because I'm so use to having her there to talk to... That's the only time I'm truly thinking about it, so that may take some getting use to.

 

As for Florida, I'm going because I may as well enjoy my self... Same terms as last night, it's up to her on whether to meet or not.

 

Thanks for everyone that responded, it really did help. I'm not much of a romance guy so this is probably (I hope) all you'll ever see of me as this is not my type of forum lol. Once again, I thank you all.

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I think you made the right decision. You should just get out of her life instead of protecting her.

 

She just rejected you. The sooner you process that, the better. Your cristal-clear clue was "she said she doesn't like it when guys get too attached to her..."

 

If you are going to Florida anyway, spend time with your friends and don't even think about meeting her.

 

Happy Holidays

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